I Am Tired of Me

Most of my posts on this blog are about Dean, who's mainly the caregivEE in the family. But being November, I think it only fair that I write about myself, the caregivER, because this is National Caregivers Month in our country, state, and heh, even our city recognizes it now.

So often people want to know how Dean is doing these days. And once in a while they include me in their inquiry. I think it safe to say that I have my health challenges too. Very seldom are caregiver lines that clear, especially when it involves spouses.

We both have our ups and downs. But as we age, the meaning of the term changes. In other words, it's harder to get up, and mighty easy to fall down. Physically, that is.

Mentally is the same though. For us, it's still easy when you're up in spirits, and hard when you are down. Just the opposite from the physical. We seniors are more likely to think of the physical first, that's all. Which is understandable, since aging forces us to listen to our body more.

What my body is telling me every waking moment of every day is, "You are tired." I know this is mostly my pulmonary system talking. Shortness of breath is a byword around here with my restricted lung capacity. I find myself saying it out loud all too often, between audible huffing and puffing. It's my mantra. "I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired." I even get tired of hearing it myself!

Well, I must say this has been one of the hardest blogposts for me to write. I'm tired of writing about myself already. So next time you will undoubtedly be treated to another colorful episode in the life of Dean. As he was quick to remind me as he was reading my eBook (which is still available on Amazon, by the way), "Without me, you wouldn't have anything to write about!" I'm seeing firsthand today how true his statement was.

Take a look at my eBook by clicking here!

Staying Connected

There's nothing like the sinking feeling when you discover that your supplemental oxygen was turned off all night and you were breathing with a Bi-PAP and some flimsy stuff they call room air. Instantly, I just wanted to re-do the whole night--to go back to bed and start over. Does this mean I start out the day with fatigue, instead of ending it that way?

I tried not to let it matter, but questioned my stamina all through the day. Amazingly, little difference was noticed, but how many nights would I be able to pull this off and not have my blood gases suffer? I'm not willing to find out.

This thinking got me to wondering how long it would be for me to miss God, if He were to disappear from my life. Would I notice right away? Would I want to start over? What difference would it make for my strength and stamina for daily living? Just as with my oxygen, I'm not willing to try.

It may be called supplemental oxygen, but we all know it is vital. And God is no different. He not only gave us the breath of life when He created us, but He IS the Breath of Life when we are born again. One is for our mortality, and the other for our immortality. I choose to keep my life support for both every day. And to make sure I'm connected to Him when I go to bed and when I get up in the morning. My prayer check. Gotta' stay connected.