Birthday Blues

I've been a bit sad today, trying not to think of my husband Dean's birthday, which would have been today. Then this evening, after watching a concert on TV of old love songs from the past, I recalled one song that has really touched my heart, especially since Dean's been gone almost four years now.

I couldn't resist pulling up this favorite song of mine on my cell phone and listening tearfully to it again. The tears it brings are mysteriously refreshing. Tears don't come easily to me, but sometimes they are just what we need. A good washing away of those feelings we'd like to forget; but still want to experience, so we don't forget.

I know it's confusing, but if you're in need of a good cry right now (and most caregivers are, even when they don't recognize it), then listen to this song. It's on YouTube: "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

If you have to, think of me, missing my husband. I bet you'll get those needed tears flowing soon enough. Just bask in your old memories too...the good ones, of course.

September 1--a day to remember

 I see I have not written a post here all summer. The summer has flown past, and we're already into the cooler month of September. The delta variant and many people still unvaccinated are causing this pandemic to rear its ugly head again here in the United States.

But I will leave that topic for now, although it seems to consume my thoughts these days. Yesterday I couldn't help but remember another life-altering event, at least for my immediate family. September 1 was the day of Dean's big accident that rocked our world for the next 19 years. His traumatic brain injury forever changed the dynamics of our family. But it wasn't all negative. We grew closer to God and each other through that grueling trial that we thought would last forever.

We seem to be going through another trial these days. But one that has repercussions for the entire planet. The covid-19 virus isn't the first time our world has seen such a challenge to survive. Although we don't know the end result this time, we must be reminded that the Lord knows. And He will be with us to the end.

We know that there will be an end to all this suffering someday. We don't know when that will be, except that many believe it is soon. Our only hope is to cling to our Savior. Get to know Him more each day. That is the only way we'll get through any of our many difficulties.

We survived Dean's accident. I pray that remembering our previous trials will strengthen us for whatever Satan throws at us during these nerve-shattering times we are seeing now.

Dean with some of his friends at Easterday Rec. Center

May Musings

May is almost out the door, so to speak, but it has been an eventful month for sure. Fourteen Zoom meetings, but also two in-person medical appointments, two times for attending church, and numerous more times with small family and friend visits and short shopping expeditions. Things are getting back to normal around here, if but slowly. A welcome break from a stressful covid year we've just experienced.

Just a word about vaccines though. Some claim that people have gotten vaccinated out of fear. But truly, I see that those who have been most anxious to get their shot are the ones who are the most brave. True, the elderly are the ones with a lot at risk, but they don't hesitate to chance the side effects, because they wisely see that the only way out of this pandemic is for as many people as possible to get protected with the shots. Just as it's been with every other disease outbreak in the past, we need to trust what medical science has accomplished with previous vaccines.

Of course, what's most needed is for there to be kind understanding on both sides. As much as I don't like being labeled as "fearful", I must be cautious not to label others as "selfish", "misinformed", or any other label that comes to mind. We all have different backgrounds, and cannot expect to be on the same page on every issue out there.

I pray, most of all, that there will be something positive we can take away from this year. And the most positive thing would be to love God and others more. That can only happen when we determine within ourselves to overlook our differences and focus on becoming more like God...

"The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy." Psalm 103:8

April's Birthday Blessings

Sorry, I missed last month's postings here. I was happily busy getting my covid vaccines. Not because I suffered any real side effects from the shots. (Just had a slight fever the second day after my second dose.)

But I was thrilled thinking about, planning for, and implementing what I would do for my 70th birthday in April! Most of you would think my mildly tame plans would not constitute much of a hoopla event, but trust me, after a year's isolation, trying my best to stay at home as much as possible, it felt like a gigantic step into the real world again. Zoom and Facebook, I love you, but you are just substitutes for live human beings. I'd almost forgotten what being in someone's actual presence felt like.

So here's what I've been doing in the real world this month of April.

• I went to Walmart...twice!
• Kayla's family came over for dinner the weekend before my birthday. We were all in the same room without masks for the whole meal. Felt oddly satisfying, to say the least, when you haven't done it for months on end.
• On my actual birthday, I invited two vaccinated friends of mine over to enjoy a haystack dinner. Forgot how much I had missed haystacks, let alone eating them in person with my wonderful friends!
• Two days later, I was treated to a delightful take-out lunch here at home with my favorite editor, Brenda. Couldn't remember when I had had "real" pizza like that. Was especially good to catch up on our families and just enjoy some facetime fellowship.
• Then, one more breakout event really provided icing on the cake. I attended my granddaughters' school program (small, private school, mind you--just a handful of students). It was tremendous to see them on stage and hear them sing solos (which were excellent, by the way). Their play was truly inspirational, as acted out by the entire student body wearing face shields.

One never knows what the next day or month will bring. But if there's one thing I've learned from this pandemic, it's to enjoy one day at a time. The future has enough problems in it to overwhelm us if we let it, and the past is over with and can't be changed.

By embracing God, however, we have our present (He'll provide our needs, if we ask Him to), our past (He's forgiven it, if we're sorry for it), and our future (He's promised to be there too, if we follow Him). That's why He's the Great I AM. And why I am happy to be His child.

Here was the "icing on my birthday cake"!

Groundhog Day Revisited

Never thought I would dread to see a fun day like the American Groundhog Day come around. It's a crazy, but harmless, tradition, based on folklore, that tries to predict the length of our remaining winter by whether a groundhog sees his shadow when he emerges from his wintry home.

For me, however, it now holds a three-year memory as the day of my husband Dean's passing. Yes, we lost him three years ago now in 2018, and there is little pleasure for me in the day, except for one thing. Someday this "winter" we're in will end, and I'll see him again in heaven.

A friend sent me a fascinating booklet recently that reinforced my understanding of death from a biblical standpoint. I was reading it just last night, and it was comforting to know that Dean is asleep, resting in the grave, waiting for the Resurrection at the Second Coming of Jesus.

As our tired, old bodies begin to wear out at the end of life, it's nice that God allows us such a delightful, needed sleep before the "party" begins at the Marriage Feast of the Lamb in heaven. Yes, Dean is resting in peace, and so am I, for the greatest family reunion of all time is coming soon. And we'll get there together! Comforting words indeed...

1 Thessalonians 4:17, 18

Here's what Dean may look like in heaven. Many of our friends won't recognize him "in his prime".

The New Snow for the New Year

 They call it a New Year, but for some reason I'm having a hard time feeling the newness this time around. Were it not for the break Sabbath gives me, I honestly could not feel like any day was different than the next. Let alone new and special.

The end of 2020 has felt very anti-climactic and even a bit serene. There's a fresh blanket of snow on the ground from last week though, so my thoughts do turn to newness in regards to the newness of life, promised us in the Bible. God said in Isaiah 1:18, "though your sins be like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." And David said in Psalm 51:7, "Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow."

I'm yearning for something new, and it goes way beyond one day out of the year. I'm looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, as promised in Revelation 22:1. A place where there will be no more death, sorrow, or pain (v. 4). This pandemic has driven us all to desiring a place like that. Come, Lord Jesus, come (v. 20).

The old is getting...well, old.