Intangible Gifts

Ending my fourth year of blogging here with my 500th post, how fitting I'm writing this then at the turn of the New Year.

I seemed to sense early on that this blog would end up being about caregiving. Being a caregiver has consumed my life for over sixteen years now. My husband contributes greatly though to its success and I always give him credit for providing me such interesting content to write about.

To prove that our life may be hopefully more stable this coming year, Dean surprised me by folding the towels from the dryer this morning without even being asked. As he put the last one away in the closet (leaving me with the washcloths to do), he came to announce at the door of my computer room that he would like to list all the ways he helps me around the house. Here's all I do, he said, (as I mentally prepared to discount all his assertions):

1. not much
2. very little, and
3. almost nothing

Well, he got no argument out of me with that one! Perhaps even his mental confusion is finally making a turn for the better.

This must mean that I do:

1. very much,
2. a whole lot, and
3. everything

That does seem to sum up our roles around here. At least as far as the household affairs. But there are other areas that my husband shines.

He provides me with:

• laughter
• love, and
• a purpose for living

 What would I do without him?

Maybe God isn't helping me with all the material things of the world these days either, but He's always there supplying me with intangible rewards that I wouldn't want to do without. (...another lesson of faith in the life of a caregiver)

Our Old Man

What a nice Christmas Eve dinner we had with family last night. I actually added two leafs and brought the dining room table into the living room, so we could all sit at the table to eat for a change. Was worried that the encroachment on Dean's living space might upset him, but since it came with the hope of some good eating, he was fine with it.

Then the star family members were two hours late in getting here. Another worry that Dean might not be able to handle the frustration that brought. But once again, I fed him tidbits and promised much more just as soon as they arrived, so he stayed remarkably cool about the delay.

In setting the table, I made sure that no bowls that people needed help dishing up were in front of Dean. I was going to give him a fork like the rest of us from the set, but then thought I better ask him and sure enough he required his own special fork, which I hastily switched out for him. I set him on the end of the table with ample room to maneuver around his chair. Then I made sure that salt and butter were placed at both ends of the table, right near Dean's place setting, to forestall any discord about passing them.

Surprisingly, he asked for black pepper though, which we hastily got from the kitchen for him. When he was done seasoning, his plate resembled one big deviled egg. He choked on the first bite of "black" mashed potatoes, but to our amazement managed to devour all the food on his plate.

Opening gifts later was a cinch. There were just enough chocolates and candy gifts for Dean to open to keep him happily satisfied. We all tried to oblige him when he offered us chocolate covered cherries, as stuffed as we were. Just to prevent him from eating the whole box himself. At least we prevented a few of the pieces from getting to their victim.

From the sounds of my report, this whole event revolved around one old man. But maybe there's something instructive and symbolic about our family's involvement in taking care of this old man of ours. Christmas is about a Baby, but it's also about the Man we call our God. Shouldn't all our activities focus on Him too?

Unused Gifts

I was dreading this  morning's dentist visit with Dean. The receptionist called me last week and said, after talking with the university dentists that his regular dentist would like Dean and I to come in for a consultation about his teeth. She said it appeared he may have to have his lower teeth pulled.

I mentally gasped at this possibility, since Dean only has eight bottom teeth left in his whole mouth. His main pleasure in living is to eat. How he is able to gum his food enough with no teeth on top is beyond me already. And with no teeth at all, I was picturing crock pot soups being on our menu almost every day and having to cook the life out of our vegetables even more than I already am, so he can chew them easier.

Thankfully, the outlook was modified some after speaking with the dentist herself today. They were only going to take out two teeth for now and provide him with a partial to take their place. Dean was not entirely satisfied with this prospect either, but he seems at least to have accepted his fate and agree to the procedure.

He didn't promise he'd wear the partial though. I could have predicted that. We have two sets of dentures at home somewhere collecting dust, because he refuses to wear them. And they are keeping company with state-of-the-art hearing aids on his dresser and two leg braces in the closet, just waiting for the man they were fitted for to wear them. Change is not his friend. I give the partial only partial odds, maybe 20% or so, of being in his mouth more than twice.

I wonder how many of God's gifts I have just laying around, waiting for me to use them. Are they becoming dust magnets, while I struggle along with my infirmities, ignoring the fact that help is practically at my fingertips? God's blessings and gifts are right under my nose. I just have to decide to use them. I rather think the change they would bring to my life would be of the positive variety. The odds are good for that. Like 100%.

Our Gifts

It sure has been an exhausting Sabbath rest day for this ol' grandma. But I treasure every minute I can spend with my two darling granddaughters. The oldest one celebrated her fourth birthday today, and we wrapped up the night with a small gathering to share ice cream and cupcakes and let her open a few presents.

I gave Jenna an old journal that was full of blank pages, thinking that she could practice her writing or draw pictures in it. But she decided it would be an autograph book, although I'm sure she's never even heard of one. She had everyone sign her book and I was pleased to see her so happy with my gift.

God gives us all many gifts, and it is up to us to figure out how to use them. With a pretty full life behind me, I hope I am bringing God a smile when He sees the way I have used His gifts too.

Mommy was the first to sign Jenna's book.

Julia picked this tomato in the garden this afternoon--I was surprised to see her still carrying it around several hours later! She was calling it "apple", but we taught her to say "tomato". 

She's treasuring her gift too!

Choking

The first question Dean's nurse had for him today was "Have you been chewing your food?" Then I remembered last week that Dean almost choked on a piece of meat from his "Meals on Wheels" while she was here. We both heard him say that his meat was too tough to cut, but we kept on with our conversation till he stood up suddenly with a scared expression on his face and we knew instantly that he was choking.

Even though Carla, the nurse, is a good foot shorter than my tall husband, I'm sure she'd have stood on a chair to give him the Heimlich any second if she had to. But he instinctively pounded his own chest and up came a gigantic piece of meat. It was a miracle it came up. And we were all shaken and thankful that the emergency was averted.

One of the first things that Dean said after it was over was that now he knows how I feel when I have breathing episodes and we've had to call paramedics. I said yes, that's exactly how it feels. It's pretty traumatic when you can't get air.

God breathed into us the breath of life. Our breath can't be underrated. Each one is a gift of God. I feel sorry for those individuals who feel they have to supplement their air with tobacco smoke. They are poisoning the air that God gave them to breathe. I know it's a hard addiction to break, but it's also worth every effort. Recognizing the true source of help in quitting should be easy though. If God gave us our breath in the first place, He must have an interest in restoring it to us. As a woman on oxygen myself and seeing my dad die of lung cancer and emphysema, I encourage everyone to keep trying as many times as it takes to quit the habit.

Lemon Meringue Pie

One of my Mother's Day gifts was a homemade lemon meringue pie, which I announced as something I would especially like. After two tries at making the meringue, however, we were almost ready to call it quits because the egg whites just were not cooperating at all to form the stiff white peaks they were supposed to. But I remembered that there were enough eggs from the dozen I had bought, which were from cage free hens and all natural, and I was positive they would make a difference. And sure enough, they made a beautiful meringue.

Beginnings are so important. Where those eggs came from, the environment the chickens lived in, and the food they ate, made all the difference in the quality of the eggs we needed for our cooking.

And this is the reason we honor our mothers today. They gave us the needed foundation for our success as adults. It's where we got our beginnings. As God requires that we recognize His role in our beginning by keeping the Sabbath--"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth," He also enjoins us to recognize our family beginnings by honoring our fathers and mothers.

Thank your mother...no matter what kind of meringue you turned out to be.

Stacking Your Plate

Tonight we had the typical Adventist meal called "haystacks", or build your own tacos. What's so nice about haystacks is that you get to pick your own food items in the order you want and build it according to your own preference and style.

Isn't this somewhat how God lets us live our lives as well? God provides the ingredients, the fruits and gifts of the Holy Spirit, and an example in the person of Jesus, but we are left to make choices along the way that makes our Christian lives uniquely different from each other.

Although no haystack is alike, they all turn out amazingly delicious and nutritious. Christians don't have to be identical either. It all depends on how you stack your plate.

Leftover Gifts

I donated some clothing today. Some sweatshirts, scarves, caps, and gloves for winter. As worthy as that may have been, I feel no satisfaction, because there really was no sacrifice in the gift. If I were to add some food to my donation basket, I doubt if that would have been sacrificial either. I confess, I give leftovers.

Face it, most of us give leftovers--things that don't fit or that we've lost our fondness for or that we have too much of. The sad truth is our gifts benefit us as much as the recipients, because they leave us with more closet space, which we can quickly fill up again by another fun shopping trip.

Instead of thinking about that shopping trip or that clean-organized closet though, I'm going to try to think of the person who got the sweatshirts and other things today. It would be so worthwhile for some homeless person, who's struggling to stay warm to get these items. I'm hoping the people I gave them to would be servicing just that kind of client. The gift may have seemed insignificant to me, but somewhere someone may be thrilled to get something different to wear. If nothing else, I pray it lifts their spirits just a little.

Perhaps my real gift today was not the clothes, but the prayers.

Unexpected Gift

Today I received an unexpected gift from a home health nurse. She will be coming here weekly to assess my husband's medical needs. But bless her heart she noticed that his fingernails were getting pretty long and she talked him into letting her cut them for him. I've been trying to get this accomplished for six months now, so you can imagine my joy when the task was done. I told her as she left that she had just given me my best Christmas gift.

A tiny bit of normalcy has returned to our household with this one, seemingly trivial, event. I have come to treasure all the tiny details in my life though. It's like having a zoom lens on a camera. Caregiving can do that to you. Or being a parent. Or anything that causes you to focus on someone besides yourself.

Joy comes through the simplest of gifts, viewed with God's" zoom lens." Look for them. They are all around us. I'll see one of mine every time my husband takes my hand.

The Gift of Love

Christmas Eve and like children all over the world, I am having a hard time falling back to sleep. It's not the excitement of presents in the morning, because we had our family gathering and gift sharing earlier this evening and my daughter's family have left for home hours ago.

I think it's mostly just thoughts and prayers for our family that keep me awake tonight. Granted, I probably have physical insomnia issues (like with the meds I'm on), but I try to use this non-sleep as a time of meditation and prayer for loved ones anyway.

Do our loved ones know how much we do care about them? If the current holiday season serves no other purpose than to connect us with loving ties to those we care about in our lives, it will be well worth the commercial hoopla, even if Jesus' name was never heard. For God is love... Let's share love this Christmas, or whatever you call the time of year. It's the only gift worth giving or receiving. Let it come with each package you open or wrap.

Candy Gratification

Christmas is creeping up on us much too fast. Today when I was in a store looking for something for the granddaughters, I realized that I hadn't gotten anything for my husband yet. One of the standard things for him to open on Christmas has always been a box of candy. So he found the one he craved and I got it for him.

Unfortunately, he ripped the box open in the car on the way home, offering me two chocolate covered cherries, which I accepted, while he pillaged the rest of the top half of the box before we got home! I tried to sneak the rest of the box, or what was left of it, into the house to wrap it. But he discovered my secret and couldn't wait to dive into the rest of the candy. I had to say good-bye to some of my best gift wrapping paper in the process, but such is the life of a caregiver.

This scenario reminded me of how I pillage God's plans sometimes. I dive into a project or an activity, without thoroughly testing it in the waters of God's design for my life. How I must spoil His fun by my desires for instant gratification. Help me, Lord, to wait on you, to postpone my pleasure for an eternity of beauty and love.

Gift exchange?

Tonight we went to my husband's monthly support group for brain injury survivors. Of course, being December, we made it a social event, with potluck supper and a gift exchange. It was nice to just focus on having fun.

As I thought about having a gift exchange, it just didn't make sense that you would bring a gift and come home with a different gift that someone else had brought. Why not just keep the gift you brought in the first place? Chances were good that your gift was something you liked anyway. Seems kind of silly, when you think about it. But people seem to enjoy it anyway.

Wouldn't it be more Christian to give a gift to all the significant people in your life and not get anything in return? After all, Jesus gave the Gift of His life, so that we could live, and He doesn't expect anything in return. But then, I thought--wait a minute, maybe Jesus does expect something from us. He expects our whole hearts, all our love and trust. Of course, our gift could never match His, since the whole world has benefited from His death on the cross. But there is an exchange going on in this act of salvation. God receives a relationship with His children, in exchange for His mercy and grace.

So, I think I'll keep going to gift exchanges. It really is a "give and take" world, even when it comes to God.