A Big Change

Dean really has to be improving for me to take him where we went this afternoon. It was an Alzheimer's support group that meets socially at a small cafe near our house every month to have pie and just share each others' company. It was the first time we have attended, and those "first times" are always hardest for me, it seems.  Consequently, I have put it off for months now, simply because I wasn't sure if Dean would fit in, would stay awake, or would become frustrated with...well, almost anything.

But Dean did wonderfully well in interacting with the small group, all seated about two big tables, pushed together for the dozen or so of us. We were about half and half caregivers and those with dementia, so it was a perfect mix for some lively conversation and some excellent pie. Dean and I shared a sour cream raisin slice.

And Dean, of course, held up his end of the conversation well. The storyteller in him was rejoicing with his fresh audience, and it was clear to see that Dean was in his element, telling about heating our home exclusively with a wood stove (which we did in the 70s), and about his brother, a mason by trade, refusing to finish the fireplace in his own home, because the tax auditor told him a finished fireplace would increase their taxes too much. Yep, these brothers were definitely cut from the same cloth.

What gave me the courage to venture out with Dean today was a comment, relayed to me by the director of his adult day program. One of the staff there, who has known him the longest, made the statement that she sees the "old Dean" back. That was so comforting to hear. Up until that point, I felt like the only one noticing the change since we cut off one of his medicines, but it was great to hear it confirmed.

I'm really looking forward to the day when I really have the "old Dean" back. The one before his tractor accident, the one before sin entered his life, the one that he will have for eternity. "...for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed." I Corinthians 15:52

Too Late

I thought I was leaving in plenty of time yesterday to make it to the governor's signing of the proclamation for March being Brain Injury Awareness Month at the Nebraska State Capitol Building. There were forces working against me though.

With last month's snowstorm and the cancellation of the proclamation signings that were scheduled then, there were organizations, causes, and consequently people attending for both months. Therefore, I ended up having to park over three blocks away, but thankfully it was on a residential street, so didn't have to worry about feeding a meter.

After a grueling, long walk in the freezing weather, I was approaching the south entrance of the building and I couldn't remember if it was one that had public access. I had always gone in from another direction. As cold as it was and as short of breath as I was, I was dreading having to walk another block just to go in another door.

The thought struck me when I didn't see many people entering or exiting on this side that maybe I wouldn't be able to get in for security reasons. I wondered wildly if it would be this difficult getting in the Holy City, the New Jerusalem.

We've been told there will only be one narrow gate to that magnificent structure though. And none will enter who God deems unsafe to be there. Heaven must be free from sin. Talk about a security system we can trust. As we trust God, He can trust us. What a beautiful relationship we can have with Him. And how glorious it will be to see Him signing proclamations throughout eternity.

By the way, I was too late for the signing at our state capitol. Quite disappointed. But was there for a board meeting, so the day wasn't lost.

Where the signing took place

takes up a whole city block!

Close Buddies

As I look over the past week, the past few days actually, I've noticed an improvement in the "dream" area. Dean hasn't been living his dreams, like he was there for awhile. It's been nice not to have to worry about him waking up, ready to act out whatever he was dreaming about. I like it when he knows who I am in the morning.

It may have been the last medicine we stopped entirely. It was only a pill we split in half, but it must have made some kind of difference. He also went to Easterday (his adult day program) on both of his scheduled days last week. Much to my enjoyment.

He's still taking quite long naps, like five or six hours, as opposed to eight or nine. And occasionally getting up in the middle of the night and not going back to sleep for several hours. A problem I've had myself recently. Maybe it's the weather.

One thing I have to share that just happened early this morning. Out of the blue, it seemed in his sleep as we both lay in bed (I was lying there awake, trying to go back to sleep myself), Dean said a very brief and heartfelt prayer to God. It was so sweet and I just felt God's presence in the room. Usually his prayers of late have been very long, slurred, and repetitive. But this one was just as clear as a bell.

What a blessing it is to have the Holy Spirit convey our prayers to God. He does all the translating for us, even when we are at a total loss for words. I do believe it will be easier for me to trust Dean to God's care today. I know they are still close buddies.

Dean's new lift recliner (it seems to do more reclining than lifting these days)

Don't Make Me Change

Dean went to the dentist this week to be fitted for a partial, in lieu of getting a couple of teeth on the bottom extracted here soon. I've forewarned them that he most likely wouldn't wear the partial, but since it's required by our insurance that he have it, we'll give it a try.

While we're at it, they're going to take a look at his upper teeth (the kind in a jar) and make sure they would fit with them, in the wild chance that he would actually begin to wear them again too. Fortunately, I have found both his partials here at home (he's been through two now) and will now take them in for a fitting.

The reason I am skeptical about his wearing anything artificial is the track record he's had with that over the last few years since his brain injury. First it was hearing aids. Got him the best, professionally fine-tuned device we could get to make up for some of the hearing he lost after the tractor accident. But he barely wore them one day, before retiring them to a box on his dresser. It's probably there still under the mountains of other items he has planted there.

Then there has been leg braces to help with his drop foot. The first two, I'll admit were very cumbersome and he absolutely refused to wear them. We got lucky with the last one though. It's streamlined enough that he hasn't minded it too much. Only wears it when he has to though.

I've come to the conclusion that it's change that Dean is so resistant to. His adjustment abilities are quite minimal. We did have one victory on this front yesterday though. He went to a barber shop and got rid of a bunch of head hair. Only wish he'd consented to having some facial hair removed too. But maybe someday I'll see that.

I hope I'm open to change when it comes to spiritual matters. It's vitally important to be open to new spiritual truth, while at the same time, resistant to false teachings. I just pray I will know the difference.

Effortless Work

I should be enjoying the freedom of Dean sleeping so much around here. When I mentioned his recent sleep patterns to another caregiver recently, she even commented that it must be nice not to have him up and around as much [the annoyance factor--she lives with it too].

While it's true that I have less behavior issues to deal with, I still feel pretty tied down to the homestead, because I worry about him when he does wake up and feels so disoriented. I went from being alarmed and then amused by some of his comments when he wakes up. Now I barely pay them any mind, after giving a quietly diplomatic and neutral reply.

His standard questions range from "Where have you been?" to "Where have I been?" Quite frequently he tells me where he's been though. So far he's chopped us enough lumber for a big woodpile in our yard, dug ditches with a crew of young guys (he was doing most of the work, trying to teach them), built a race car that almost beat the land speed record. So, he's a busy man...while he's sleeping. *wink*

Reminds me of the effortless way we'll be able to accomplish tasks when we get to heaven. Like doing them in our sleep. *sigh*

Dreaming Big

I know it's time I was letting my readers know how Dean is doing. To be honest, there's not much to report. He eats, he sleeps, he eats, he sleeps. Much like a newborn, I suppose. Nothing eventful I can sink my teeth into.

I could give details about some of the vivid dreams he's been having though. He can't seem to shake them when he wakes up. They are so real to him. They even affect his mood throughout the day I've noticed. One day he was very tired all day, because he'd been doing hard labor with a crew. He still says there's a pile of lumber in our backyard for evidence. Then one day he was very depressed. This dream involved a race car driver who was killed, and Dean felt responsible for it. Today, he's been a bit on the grumpy side, and I'm sure it has something to do with whatever he dreamed last night.

Dementia has so many different sides to it. The first year they said it was dementia, there was more memory loss, then falling a lot, this year seems to be the year of dreams and sleep disturbances. What next? Something tells me it will involve wandering. Not looking forward to that one.

Is this not how all of us tend to fall away from God? We forget how much He loves and provides for us, we start falling into sin, we sleep through sermons and dream big dreams for ourselves, and finally we wander away completely from God's side. A very telling story indeed.

The Long and the Short of It

This evening Dean asked what we were doing tomorrow. Which is a frequent question of his all during the day, wanting to know what's next on our "busy" agenda. There's usually not much to report, outside doctor's appointments, weekly trips to the library, and home health visits a few times a week.

Tonight though I went beyond my typical answer of "nothing", and changed it to this: "Oh, I take that back, honey. I'm opening curtains, turning off lights, uncovering the bird cage, changing the 'day of the week' display, letting the dog out (multiple times), filling a pill box, taking a shower, doing dishes (possibly twice), washing and folding two loads of clothes, stirring Willy-Nilly (my starter for breadbaking), making some phone calls, paying some bills, giving the dog a bath, putting your shoes and socks on, taking you to the library, cooking supper, taking out some trash, working on a blog, and riding my recumbent bike. And what do you think you'll be doing, dear?"

"Well," he thought ponderously, "I'll be getting in my morning nap most of the morning. Eating. And then I'll be harassing you the rest of the day." He seemed content with his brief, but accurate, list.

And I'm sure God is content with our lists too. The long and the short ones. If we are doing all we can do, God doesn't complain. And neither should I.

Doing "his thing" in the morning