Beauty of Laughter for Ashes

It wouldn't seem right not to include all the milestones of my life, following Dean's passing away last February. My first birthday, Easter, church camp meeting, etc. without him.

Perhaps a real biggie should have been our anniversary on June 6th. But up until June 5th, I hadn't even given it a single thought. Just been keeping busy with other things, and it wasn't on my radar. I'm sure I would have thought about it when the actual day came, and hopefully it wouldn't have been tainted with too much sadness.

My two granddaughters remembered though. Yes, only 8 and 10 years old, and they recognized the day's significance. Perhaps their mom, my daughter, initially mentioned it to them.

Both girls were quite secretive with their plans that day before our anniversary. It was my assigned day to "watch" them while mom and dad worked. It wasn't until their mom came to pick them up that afternoon, that I got to see what was behind their whispers all day. They had evidently come up with a scheme to make Grandma happy, instead of sad, on her anniversary.

A skit, featuring Grandpa, gave me some powerful laugh medicine. They dressed up like him (using one of his flannel shirts and sweatpants still in his closet). "He" came sauntering down the hallway with his cane. All I saw was Julia's face, hidden behind a "beard" they had created out of cotton, glued onto a white piece of paper and held onto her face with bread ties.

Funniest of all was what gave her the height she needed to be like Grandpa. She was cleverly sitting on top of her big sister Jenna's shoulders, underneath all Grandpa's clothing. "He" was truly a sight to be seen, even though I couldn't actually see Jenna. Obviously, I couldn't help but laugh at their accurate portrayal of him.

Then, the funniest part of all. This "apparition" standing before me began to talk. "He" said all the things Dean would have said in a little girl-deepened voice! "Let's go for a hamburger. Can I have a Coke and a candy bar? What's for supper? When's supper?" It was just too funny. They had heard those lines almost every time they were around Grandpa.

I was definitely going to remember their skit, just as they were going to remember Grandpa. And both memories will have a tendency to bring laughter and joy to our lives, rather than tears.

Reminding me of this verse:
"To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning..." Isaiah 61:3

Everything for my Happiness

Today as I participated in a yearly church event, known as camp meeting, I actually experienced so much joy and freedom that I almost feel guilty for enjoying it so much. Recently widowed, I would have thought the experience would bring me more pain and regret since Dean isn't here to enjoy it with me. And, of course, there was a touch of sadness with his absence, but nothing like one would expect.

Unlike other years, when I was consumed with Dean's care and supervision, this time I actually was able to sing in the mass choir, sit with the friends I chose, accept an impromptu dinner invitation with some old friends, and just mingle socially after the services for however long I desired.

It felt like I was breaking the grieving rules. But only another caregiver (and there are many out there) would understand the exhilarating thrill of my full, unencumbered enjoyment of the event. Even being on oxygen didn't damper the joy of the last few days of meetings. It just felt overall good.

And now, being back in the comfort of my home, I have another milestone to contemplate. My granddaughter's birthday is today. And although I'm too tuckered out from church attendance from the past week to celebrate it with her, I am happily reflecting with joy that she has had another year of life.

How sweet to think that a piece of Dean lives on in our daughter and two granddaughters. Seeing them will always keep Dean's memory alive for me.

The Birthday Girl last summer with grandpa

No, I can't be sad, when I realize that God has thought of everything for my happiness, even in widowhood. His decisions are perfect. His timing is perfect. No matter how disruptive my life may seem at the time, I will be glad, knowing that my life is in His hands.

What a great Sabbath!