Everything for my Happiness

Today as I participated in a yearly church event, known as camp meeting, I actually experienced so much joy and freedom that I almost feel guilty for enjoying it so much. Recently widowed, I would have thought the experience would bring me more pain and regret since Dean isn't here to enjoy it with me. And, of course, there was a touch of sadness with his absence, but nothing like one would expect.

Unlike other years, when I was consumed with Dean's care and supervision, this time I actually was able to sing in the mass choir, sit with the friends I chose, accept an impromptu dinner invitation with some old friends, and just mingle socially after the services for however long I desired.

It felt like I was breaking the grieving rules. But only another caregiver (and there are many out there) would understand the exhilarating thrill of my full, unencumbered enjoyment of the event. Even being on oxygen didn't damper the joy of the last few days of meetings. It just felt overall good.

And now, being back in the comfort of my home, I have another milestone to contemplate. My granddaughter's birthday is today. And although I'm too tuckered out from church attendance from the past week to celebrate it with her, I am happily reflecting with joy that she has had another year of life.

How sweet to think that a piece of Dean lives on in our daughter and two granddaughters. Seeing them will always keep Dean's memory alive for me.

The Birthday Girl last summer with grandpa

No, I can't be sad, when I realize that God has thought of everything for my happiness, even in widowhood. His decisions are perfect. His timing is perfect. No matter how disruptive my life may seem at the time, I will be glad, knowing that my life is in His hands.

What a great Sabbath!