My Valentine Loves

It's become obvious to me why I'm avoiding posting on this blog this month. It must be because it marks the first year since Dean's been gone. I thought surely I would feel like writing something on February 2, the day of his death. And then Valentine's Day came around, and even though he was on my mind quite a bit, I just didn't have the heart to express my feelings and thoughts.

This was surely due to a shortage of time as well. It seems like a lot has been going on in my life, a lot of new obligations and responsibilities. I'm not sure if I'm the one to blame for this, or if God has seen fit to keep me busy, so I don't have time to get bogged down with grief.

For whatever reason, I am grateful that I can be useful, that I have a purpose for living, and that I still have ample memories of Dean to keep me going for as long as the good Lord sees fit. This must be grieving at its finest.

I've always believed that it was Dean who filled me with a lifetime of extraordinary experiences, both good and bad. But now, I just see it as the hand of God. He is the One who put me in touch with my soulmate, and even though Dean's gone, I still have three precious people in my life, who carry a part of him in their DNA. My daughter and granddaughters are constant reminders of the love that kept us together (even when we were apart) for forty-two years.