We Do Forget

 I'm embarrassed to admit that my daughter questioned me last night about the importance of this day, September 1st, and honestly, I couldn't tie an event to it! I asked if it was someone's birthday, anniversary, or some other momentous family occasion, and she said no to each one.

Then, it dawned on me. This is the day of my husband's accident on Labor Day weekend in 1999. It was a day that totally changed our lives from that time on, at least for my family.

The lesson learned here is that it is possible for some of our worst memories to eventually fade into the background and lose their importance. Dean passed away eight years ago now, and life has many new challenges to take the place of my caregiving duties.

Perhaps, I can forgive myself for such a memory lapse by remembering Revelation 21:4 where it says, "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...for the former things have passed away." In heaven, we will know that things happened here, but the memories won't bring the fresh tears and remorse they once did. We won't forget entirely, but we won't be consumed with sorrow by the remembered events either. Thankfully, some of that heavenly reprieve can begin even in our lives now. Thank you, Lord!

Father and daughter!

Almost Golden Anniversary

As June 6^th approaches, I have mixed feelings about what would have been my fiftieth wedding anniversary. Dean and I said our vows in 1976, but he passed away in 2018, just eight short years ago.

Saying our married life was blissful does not even come close to describing the varied emotions and experiences we shared. Let’s just say our lives were full. Full of fun, full of tragedies, full of times we despised each other, and full of times we loved each other.

What can I say, except that God must feel the same way about His relationship with humanity. We have witnessed both good and bad times with the Lord. And yet, He hangs in there with us. Not wanting to let go, and neither should we.

If there’s one thing my marriage taught me, it’s that love is always worth the sacrifice. No matter how brief the time or how difficult our circumstances, there is something there worth celebrating. I can’t wait to celebrate the best life has to offer when the Lord returns and reunites us with our righteous loved ones who are resting in their graves, waiting with us for that eventful moment.

Groundhog Predictions

Several famous groundhogs have predicted the length of winter in the United States since 1886. Some are more accurate than others. I am always drawn to the excitement on February 2 that centers around whether our favorite national groundhog, emerging from his den, will see his shadow or not. It seems this year and last year, he has seen his shadow, indicating that we will have six more weeks of winter weather. Not exactly welcome news for those who dread snow and ice, but happy news for those who love to play and have fun in a winter wonderland kind of world.

I'm drawn to the story of Groundhog Day, especially the part where he comes out of his den in the earth. It was on February 2, you see, that my husband passed away eight years ago. I'm looking forward to the time when Dean will also come out of the earth, when his ashes will come to life and God will give him a whole new, perfect body, one that death cannot touch.

Nothing compares to that prediction. It will be bring us a season of eternal celebration, for God will make all things new. "There will be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things are passed away." Revelation 21:4 Goodbye, groundhogs and winter. Hello, Jesus and a new day!

Birthdays in Heaven

 Birthdays mark an individual’s history. There is a time before you were born and a time after you were born. And that time of birth is a cause for celebration.

Sometimes though an event in our lives becomes an additional marker of family history. For my immediate family that marker was the day and year of my husband’s accident. Our lives were forever changed from that day on.

But that didn’t stop us from celebrating Dean’s birthday on December 4, a day I still like to remember. I’m glad it gives me the opportunity to forget the hard times and bask in happy memories of the many years we had together, rather than the ones that were so challenging.

I hope that as you read this, you, too, will relish the good times in your life. Thankfully, it seems the longer we are away from someone, the more the bad memories tend to fade away. My faith even causes me to imagine spending such a long time in heaven that nothing but good memories will be left.

That’s why the day Jesus comes will be the most important day of all. It will be the day we see Jesus visibly coming in the clouds, just as He left us (Acts 2:11). We are then reunited with lost loved ones for eternity. He will cause all tears to be wiped away (Revelation 21:4)

What a happy celebration that will be. Much better than any happy birthday here on earth! See 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17.

Here's Kayla and her dad on one of her hot, July birthdays...watermelon cake!

Life Happens

Many times this past year, my friends have had unexpected, life-changing events, mostly that involved falling and breaking one bone or another in their bodies. Whether it was a wrist, shoulder, or leg, one doesn't miss those limbs until they can no longer be depended on to work properly, or at all.

But there are two things most of us fail to consider. Number one, that not every accident has a recovery date to look forward to. Losing a leg altogether is different than breaking it, for example. And number two, these episodes almost invariably affect other people in our lives, mostly family members, who have to carry the slack for the tasks we can no longer do.

This Labor Day weekend, and every Labor Day weekend, my family remembers an accident of my husband's that he never fully recovered from, and it impacted his loved ones in a powerful way. To the extent that we refer to life before the accident and after the accident, because there was such a major shift in how our family functioned after his TBI, or traumatic brain injury. In essence, we were all brain injury survivors after that all-important weekend. It may have been called Labor Day, but it was not a day that worked for us. It added to our labors in unimaginable ways.

Over the years, we were to discover that there were also benefits to be won in our struggle to survive. It strengthened us spiritually by not only drawing us closer to a higher power, but making us more aware of the trials of others and able to reach out to them in loving ways.

Would I change what happened if I could? Perhaps, and then perhaps, it was for the best. It is impossible to know how things might have otherwise worked out without Dean's accident. But for now, I am content that life happens, and we must go with the flow, no matter how high the waves toss and turn us about. Life happens...and then it goes on.

Our Big D-Day

June 6th, 1944, was a big day in history. It was the day the Allied forces stormed the coast of France, beginning the liberation of western Europe from Nazi control. The term D-day, as it's been called, is a code name for any major military action or operation.

In a sense, I can call my wedding anniversary on June 6th another D-day, or rather Dean-day. After three years of postponements and cancellations, we finally found ourselves liberated from our singlehood and embarking on a new life together as husband and wife.

Even though Dean's been gone seven long years now, on days like today our wedding in 1976 feels like it was yesterday. The road wasn't always smooth for us, but we took our bumps and heartaches to God and grew from them personally and spiritually.

I praise God every day for the hope we have that we'll be together again with the Lord on the day when Christ comes in the clouds to take us home. Now, that will surely be a D-day worth celebrating!

Oh, Happy Day!

 Today is one of the four times out of the year that I remember my husband Dean in a very purposeful way. In June, there's our wedding anniversary. Then September holds the day he suffered a traumatic brain injury from a tractor accident, inspiring me to start this blog about caregiving. Obviously not nearly as pleasant a memory with that date. But December is the month of his birthday--a happy time for most people. (Although this past December, I was battling gallstones--so it took some fun out of my life for a bit there.)

This Groundhog Day, February 2, brings me back to another sad time though. It was the day Dean (or Idaho, as some people knew him) passed away in 2018. What these dates are showing me is that our lives are filled with a mixture of happiness and sorrow.

It make me long for the time when only happiness and joy will fill all our days. The Bible says in Revelation 21:4 that for those in heaven "God will wipe away every year from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying." Every day will be a happy day!!! I can't wait for that one!

Save a Life! Give Blood!

September 1, 1999 is a day that is stamped on my memory forever. It was Labor Day weekend when I received a phone call that my husband was in the hospital as the result of a serious tractor accident and was in a hospital in Des Moines, Iowa.

My daughter and I raced to the hospital and found him there in critical condition with the very real possibility on not living through the night.

Little did I know that I would spend the next nineteen years of my life as his caregiver. Most of his injuries healed, but the brain injury he sustained left him with life-changing symptoms that greatly impacted my daughter and I..

During that first week in the ICU, we were told that since Labor Day and the typical increase of car accidents that are seen during all holidays, there was a shortage of blood at the blood bank. All our family who had come to support us immediately went to the nearest donation center and gave our blood. I'm sure it saved many lives, and it just felt like the right thing to do.

I hope you will keep this shortage of blood donations in mind throughout the year and give blood to save others. Isn't this what Jesus did for us? Be like Jesus!

Another Anchor Date--Our Anniversary

 June 6, 1976, was a date which my husband liked. He thought it would be easy to remember our wedding anniversary, because it was a date close to being 666 (a familiar number in the Bible, if you know anything about Revelation).

There's been a lot in the news about D-day this year--the day in 1944, eighty years ago, when the Allied forces landed in Normandy, France, and so many soldiers died to free Europe from Nazi rule.

With so much turmoil going on in the world today, I may contemplate more soberly the deeper meaning of this day. History reminds us that even when things seem about as dark as they can get, there is always a victory waiting just around the corner.

In the case of Dean and I, the victory will be that blessed reunion when we meet Jesus in the sky at His Second Coming. My faith remains strong, as was Dean's, that God will win the war with Satan soon. Without that anchor, my life would be empty and miserable indeed.

Hooray for Groundhogs!

 Sometimes I don't know what to do with Groundhog Day. It's customary for people in the United States to pay attention to what a groundhog does on February 2nd. Whether he sees his shadow or not, coming out of his burrow, supposedly determines the timing of one of our most longed-for seasons. Namely, spring. Even though people joke about this old, Pennsylvania Dutch superstition, they continue to pretend there's true meteorological value in the custom.

I find myself thankful for Groundhog Day though for a different reason. It's a reminder of an important date, but most of all, an important man who I spent most of my life with. My husband, Dean, passed away on this colorful, memorable day in 2018, six years ago now.

It's not a day for me to celebrate, but certainly an opportunity to commemorate and cherish the best of memories about someone who had such an impact on my life.

Having just finished reading the book, "Man's Search for Meaning", by Viktor E. Frankl, I recognize instantly that although my life, before and after the caregiving years, wasn't perfect with Dean, he truly gave my life purpose and meaning, and for that I will always be thankful. God knew what He was doing, after all, in bringing our lives together.

my college graduation in the spring of 1976...the beginning of our "journey" together

He Took It to the Limit

 December 4th, which was Dean's birthday, caused me once again to wait for some inspiration that would allow me to write something about my late husband on his special day. Nothing came to mind, until I was in a dentist chair today, his birthday, waiting to get a temporary crown returned to its throne. It had fallen off unexpectedly the day after I was coronated.

Sitting there, I couldn't help listening to the background music playing in the dental office. The song that came on had been especially loved by Dean back in 1976, the year of our wedding. I hadn't paid a lot of attention to rock music in those years of my life, but apparently Dean had, and he was fond of the Eagles' song, "Take It to the Limit".

The words "So, put me on a highway, show me a sign..." and the rest, really summed up Dean's life up to that point, he told me back then. It spoke of his love of hitchhiking, but also the fact that he had been searching for a way to turn his life around.

I'd like to think he did that with me.

Four Days a Year That Anchor Me

 There seem to be four dates out of the year now that provide me with time for reflection, but also for centering my life on what really matters. And they all revolve around the man I was caregiver for, but who is peacefully resting in Christ now, waiting for His Second Coming, as we all are.

Dean's birthday was December 4th; then there's his date of passing, February 2nd, 2018. Two familiar bookend events in the winter--the beginning and end of his life on earth.

There are two other dates I can't overlook--June 6th (the beginning of our marriage) and September 1st (the date of Dean's tractor accident, which was somewhat an end to our life before the accident).

Beginnings and endings are the most significant parts of our lives, aren't they? What happens in between is so fleeting and short-lived. Not that our current situation doesn't matter, but it perhaps should not be our primary focus.

Beginnings make us thankful, and endings make us hopeful, both needed ingredients for a life of faith and joy. The only thing that really matters in the middle of these is the amount of God's love we are able to spread during the short time we're here.

Although today would have been our 47th wedding anniversary, I remembered that I met Dean in my senior year of college, in 1973, so it's actually been fifty years ago. An even sweeter way to remember today. Half a century. What's that compared to eternity? That's what really matters. So, you see why these four dates are important...

Graduating in 1973

Graduating in 1997

Too Painful for Words

 Too painful for words, but too helpful to be silent. Just two months ago, I remembered Dean on his birthday, and now I remember him again on his "death day". Both are dates that are seared into my memory for different, but similar reasons.

We used to celebrate Dean's birthday in December, because it was an event that brought life to a man I came to love for over forty years. Our marriage changed my life in ways I could not have imagined. At his death, five years ago now, my life has once again changed. I became a widow; but that hasn't been all bad.

The love we shared was not lost entirely. I've been able to channel it to sources that have brought me just as much satisfaction and joy as those blissful, but sometimes stormy, forty years of marriage.

God has blessed me with not only a daughter, but her husband and family, which includes two beautiful granddaughters.

In addition, the last half of these five, swift years have enabled me to reach out to my community in ways that weren't always available when I had Dean's care to consider after his tractor accident. The training brought about by his caregiving provided me with the stamina and determination to be a caregiver for my whole neighborhood.

For two and a half years now, I have daily re-stocked the shelves of a little free pantry in my front yard, trying to keep a close eye on the grocery needs of my neighbors and checking the pulse of the wider community, encouraging them to donate the vast amount of food it takes to feed those in need here.

Although the pandemic has kept me home more than I'd like, I feel greatly blessed that I have a place to call home. It would have been sweet to share all this with Dean, but I have great hopes and expectations that someday in our heavenly home I'll be able to do just that.

Oh, come, Lord Jesus, come! About that, I cannot be silent.

Not-Forgotten Birthday

 Birthdays have a purpose of not only causing us to remember someone on their special day while they are alive, but they provide us a way to enjoy sweet memories of lost loved ones for many years beyond.

I'm reminded of my husband Dean on December 4th, his birthday, which sometimes got overlooked when he was a boy, due to its closeness to Christmas.

There's been five long years now without him to celebrate his special day. The sharp grief in the beginning has been gradually replaced with a bundle of sweet remembrances that do not surface nearly as often as I'd like.

So, when times such as birthdays do come around, days that remind us of that person we hold dear, they are warmly welcomed and appreciated.

Thank you, December 4th, for giving me another nudge to express my thankfulness for having someone special in my life. No one could replace you, Dean Thompson. You will always hold a special place in our hearts. Just as December 4th will always be a special date on our calendar.

Some Days Are Worth Remembering

 Although you might think some days are so horrific they are worth forgetting, you might reconsider when you discover how they changed you...ultimately for the better.

I was thinking in the back of my mind that September 1st had some special meaning, when my daughter reminded me that indeed it did. We both shared merely the fact that it was the day, 23 years ago, that Dean, her father, my husband, had a tractor run over him.

Our hurried trip to the hospital, over a hundred miles away, had us both rattled with anxiety and dread upon what we would find there. He had suffered numerous life-threatening body traumas and was in a coma, which lasted for days.

His hospital recovery would last for months, and his brain injury symptoms would continue for years, all the way to his passing in 2018. How each of us survived the event on Sept. 1, 1999, is beyond miraculous. It definitely led to character development and spiritual growth for the whole family.

We are told to be thankful for everything. So, as we draw near to the Thanksgiving season, let's remember that our greatest trials can also be our greatest blessings.

My Anniversary Corner

I couldn't let June 6th pass without remembering my dear husband who passed away four years ago. June 6th was our anniversary. In a way these last four years seem like a lifetime ago, especially with the way covid has compounded my "alone time".

It's been hard dealing with all life's stresses without the one who taught me how to deal with them. And that would be Dean. The way he taught me works for an eternity though, so I guess I'm set.

With God, I can wait. I can wait to see Dean again in eternity. Together, we will praise the One who has given all the hope we need to survive. I pray that same hope for the loved ones, I, too. will leave behind someday. He told me once that all our trials will seem like just a hiccough when we reach that heavenly home. Now, that's what I call survival!

(my little memorial corner of Dean, 

with some of his faith and love messages that keep me going)

Shared Grief

February 2, 2022 sounds like a day to remember, but for many people, the memories are not pleasant. February 2nd, the day my husband passed away four years ago, will always be an emotional time for our family.

As we plod on through this pandemic, I've been hard pressed to write something of encouragement though. Not only to feel uplifted myself, but for the rest of the family, and all the families who have lost loved ones, no matter when or how.

I've found that the greatest comfort for our grief is found in the Bible. Paul expressed it so well in 1 Thessalonians 4, when he talks about the Coming of Christ in such glowing terms. He even tells us in the last verse to "comfort each other with these words."

A day of reunion is coming, folks. We must wait patiently for it. The signs are all around us. It's coming soon. That is truly the most comforting thought I can have and leave with my loved ones on this sad anniversary of losing our loved one. Dean was ready for a good, long rest. How glorious it will be to see all our loved ones though on that grand Resurrection Morning!

 

Birthday Blues

I've been a bit sad today, trying not to think of my husband Dean's birthday, which would have been today. Then this evening, after watching a concert on TV of old love songs from the past, I recalled one song that has really touched my heart, especially since Dean's been gone almost four years now.

I couldn't resist pulling up this favorite song of mine on my cell phone and listening tearfully to it again. The tears it brings are mysteriously refreshing. Tears don't come easily to me, but sometimes they are just what we need. A good washing away of those feelings we'd like to forget; but still want to experience, so we don't forget.

I know it's confusing, but if you're in need of a good cry right now (and most caregivers are, even when they don't recognize it), then listen to this song. It's on YouTube: "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

If you have to, think of me, missing my husband. I bet you'll get those needed tears flowing soon enough. Just bask in your old memories too...the good ones, of course.

September 1--a day to remember

 I see I have not written a post here all summer. The summer has flown past, and we're already into the cooler month of September. The delta variant and many people still unvaccinated are causing this pandemic to rear its ugly head again here in the United States.

But I will leave that topic for now, although it seems to consume my thoughts these days. Yesterday I couldn't help but remember another life-altering event, at least for my immediate family. September 1 was the day of Dean's big accident that rocked our world for the next 19 years. His traumatic brain injury forever changed the dynamics of our family. But it wasn't all negative. We grew closer to God and each other through that grueling trial that we thought would last forever.

We seem to be going through another trial these days. But one that has repercussions for the entire planet. The covid-19 virus isn't the first time our world has seen such a challenge to survive. Although we don't know the end result this time, we must be reminded that the Lord knows. And He will be with us to the end.

We know that there will be an end to all this suffering someday. We don't know when that will be, except that many believe it is soon. Our only hope is to cling to our Savior. Get to know Him more each day. That is the only way we'll get through any of our many difficulties.

We survived Dean's accident. I pray that remembering our previous trials will strengthen us for whatever Satan throws at us during these nerve-shattering times we are seeing now.

Dean with some of his friends at Easterday Rec. Center

May Musings

May is almost out the door, so to speak, but it has been an eventful month for sure. Fourteen Zoom meetings, but also two in-person medical appointments, two times for attending church, and numerous more times with small family and friend visits and short shopping expeditions. Things are getting back to normal around here, if but slowly. A welcome break from a stressful covid year we've just experienced.

Just a word about vaccines though. Some claim that people have gotten vaccinated out of fear. But truly, I see that those who have been most anxious to get their shot are the ones who are the most brave. True, the elderly are the ones with a lot at risk, but they don't hesitate to chance the side effects, because they wisely see that the only way out of this pandemic is for as many people as possible to get protected with the shots. Just as it's been with every other disease outbreak in the past, we need to trust what medical science has accomplished with previous vaccines.

Of course, what's most needed is for there to be kind understanding on both sides. As much as I don't like being labeled as "fearful", I must be cautious not to label others as "selfish", "misinformed", or any other label that comes to mind. We all have different backgrounds, and cannot expect to be on the same page on every issue out there.

I pray, most of all, that there will be something positive we can take away from this year. And the most positive thing would be to love God and others more. That can only happen when we determine within ourselves to overlook our differences and focus on becoming more like God...

"The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy." Psalm 103:8