Caregiving Etiquette

Finally Dean got to use his Burger King gift card he got for Christmas. We went there for supper today and ate in the BK dining room. Not just drive-thru for this fast-food special occasion. It was a good time to be there, just before the supper rush, and it appeared we were the only customers for awhile at least.

We made our food choices, and Dean was trying to count out the exact change from a handful of coins in his hand. He was starting to get a bit frustrated with the effort it was taking. So I appealed to him to let me get the coins for the cashier, since there were now people behind us waiting in line. He relented and we then proceeded to find a table with our food.

Dean, of course, had his usual large Coke under control, I thought, until he set it down by the tray of food on the table and then knocked it over with his hand, spilling most of the contents, on the table, on the chair, on the floor, and on himself.

With a bit of embarrassment I informed the cashier that we had a rather major mishap, involving Coke spillage at our table. He was so polite and understanding about taking care of it. I hoped it wasn't just an outward showing of customer service etiquette he was forced to adhere to, but that it was evidence of a sincere compassion on two senior citizens, who were just doing the best they could.

I hope I can exemplify this in my life as well. I pray that my patient and loving behavior doesn't become just an outward showing of caregiving etiquette that I'm forced to adhere to, but that it stems from an overflow of loving patience that my heavenly Father has exhibited toward me, and continues to show each and every day of my life.

Longing to Belong

Our pastor had a great sermon this morning about three things every church must be careful about getting in the right order. First, people who attend must feel they belong. Then, we have the opportunity to share our beliefs with them. And finally, we will see behaviors and lifestyles change. He called them the three B's--belong, believe, and behave. And the order is important.

The pastor emphasized that belonging will happen only as we are accepting of everyone who walks in the church's door. No one should be turned away because of dress or demeanor. Everyone should be made to feel welcome.

As the church's disability awareness person and the wife of a man who has a brain injury and dementia, I pray that our acceptance and patience extends to ALL who worship with us, not just the new person attending the first time. I'm talking about anyone who doesn't fit into our mold of normalcy. Either because of a physically or mentally challenging condition, or someone without the finances or social standing that we are comfortable with.

As a matter of fact, the one sure way of making a visitor feel welcome in our midst is by his observing how we treat those individuals who are different from the norm. How do we measure up in our loving the unlovable, now matter how long they've been attending church? Let's make sure we've made ALL our members feel they belong, and then accepting the new ones will come easy.

The Jesus Way

As we entered a store today, my daughter noticed that a lady had some things on her cart that were about to fall off. As a matter of fact, it looked like she was never going to get her items to her car the way they were loaded, without some assistance. So Kayla offered to accompany her to her car and help hold the items while the lady pushed the cart. I, Grandma "Anya", was there to watch the two little girls till she came back.

No big thing, but I was particularly proud that Kayla was observant enough to see someone in need and not hesitate to do what she could to help. I was also glad to see the good example she was giving my granddaughters.

Later in the day, a neighbor called and wanted to know if I could run her up to the garage to look for her missing bank debit card. Of course, helping her out was not an option, if it was in my ability to do it. I thought about Kayla's earlier good deed, and had to smile at where she got her kindness and compassion for others.

I guess she's been seeing it and doing it all her life. It's the Jesus way.

True Compassion

Some of you may remember a blog I posted a few days ago about my toddler moment. As opposed to senior moments, these absences from sanity can occur at any age. But tonight was my husband's turn to exhibit the temper of a toddler. His performance was characterized by a low frustration tolerance, followed by an overreaction that had the appearance of a toddler's clenched fists and kicking feet. Trust me, it doesn't look good on a 66-year-old man. But we generally forgive his frequent outbursts, knowing it's just the dementia talking.

Ever since my episode with toddlerhood the other day, I have a new appreciation for the horrible guilt and embarrassment these lapses cause you to feel. I know Dean still has those feelings too, due to the fact that he almost always apologizes for his blowups, even the ones he can't remember, which I call  his blanket apologies. This realization of how it felt for me after my episode helps me have more patience in dealing with him when he gets disagreeable. Knowing he's not comfortable with the way he's acting either, I can have patience and true compassion for what he struggles with.

Didn't Jesus say on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."? Talk about compassion. The least I can do is share it with one brain-injured survivor named Dean, who often doesn't know what he's doing when he gets mad.