A Plan

I'm getting excited thinking about getting a bathroom makeover. Thanks to Dean's Medicaid waiver we qualify for more accessible facilities. Our current bathtub requires a 20-inch leg lift from the floor just to step into it. The shower chair and grab bars just aren't enough these days for safe bathing.

Plus they are going to give us a wider door and entryway for the bathroom that will accommodate a wheelchair should one be necessary at some point in the future. This may sound like an expensive project, but it really beats the cost of a nursing home; so I'm sure it will save in the long run, even if it only means one of us can stay home one or two months longer than we would without it.

Taking care of our needs both now and in the future reminds me of how God takes care of us. He looks out for us in the here and now, which is where we stay focused most of the time. But He also has our care mapped out for us in the future. I'm trying very hard to trust in His time schedule, because I know there's no way I could improve on it. God's clockwork is impeccable. The longer I live, the clearer it is to me that God is as powerful and omniscient as we've been told.

What Time Did You Say?

Every night I review in my mind what needs to be done the next day. Last night I started to panic because I couldn't think of many things that needed done. Had I forgotten something major? Usually I was swamped. Would I get bored and start pacing the house all day if I ran out of things to do? Could I stay off my social media and internet with that much time on my hands before my eyes started to burn?

I had very few dishes in the sink or clothes in the hamper. About all I could think of was to shower, vacuum, and change the bottom of the bird cage. After a couple of phone calls, I was free the rest of the day. Dean was at his adult day program and so I had most of the morning to myself.

Then I remembered a committee meeting that afternoon for the Respite Network. I had written in 3 p.m. for it on my personal calender. So I left for the meeting in time, not thinking for a minute that all the other monthly meetings had been at 1:30 to 3:00.

Needless to say, no one was there when I arrived. I couldn't understand why, and even asked a secretary there to see where the meeting was held, even then thinking I must have the location wrong. But when she said that the meeting was at 1:30, I felt like such a dunce. How glad I was that the meeting had let out on time. I would have felt pretty silly walking in at the time they were finishing up.

The lesson for me in all this was that it isn't just when I'm swamped with things to do that mistakes can be made. I am capable of making them even when things are relatively calm and easy. I have to let God have control always. Not just when things are crazy and I'm all frazzled. I need Him during the relaxed times of my life as well.

Next time I have time on my hands, I'm giving it to God. My schedule is His, from beginning to end.

Me-Time

The caregiver retreat I attended the last two days must have been a success. Today Dean is at his adult day program, which he regularly attends on Friday, but I can't believe all the relaxing I've been able to fit into my morning since he's been gone.

Normally I'm in a frenzy, trying to get as much accomplished as possible, but today I took the message they were pointing out to us at the retreat to heart and just did everything at a more leisurely pace, and it has worked. I not only got in my shower time, a nap, and some relaxing on the back deck (finally feels warm enough to do that), but also got some closets worked on, a load of clothes laundered, a phone call made, and now am even writing this blog (forgive me if it's a short one). Who would have thought?

I debated about whether to go to Wal-mart to pick up a couple of items we're about to run out of, but the crowds there didn't sound conducive to my new "me-time" awareness effort, so I've put it off for another time.

I might even have the fortitude stored in me to think of taking Dean with me to the store this week-end. Notice I said "think". *wink*

Clean Closets

Since the start of this year I have updated my phone calling list and family budget plan, organized my addresses and contact information, documented all my account passwords, and started posting to a new calendar. I know these are just vague attempts to put some order and security into my life, because living with someone with brain injury, compounded by the effects of senile dementia, is propelling us very fast into a very disorganized and insecure world.

The extra time on my hands, due to staying at home more, has allowed me to clean out closets that hadn't been touched in years, and perform all my housekeeping chores with more ease.

But none of these accomplishments has contributed to the feelings of security and satisfaction that I had hoped they would. Dean's mental status is changing in small incremental ways, and it's disconcerting to both of us to know that it probably won't get any better. How much more can we take before we fall over the abyss and can't get up? It could happen almost any day.

Jesus is the only dependable part of our lives. Only He can bring order to my very insecure life right now. My efforts at organization are feeble compared to the One who organized our whole universe. He knows and remembers all my passwords, manages my finances, cares for all my contacts, and keeps me on His calendar every day. I need to start praying more in those clean closets of mine.

Food Hide-and-seek

I have become an expert at food hide-and-seek lately. With Thanksgiving last week and Dean's birthday celebration this past weekend, there are sweet treats hidden all over my house. I have to hide them from Dean, and I'm sure he's been hiding them from me so I don't hide them from him.

As a matter of fact, there is a can of mixed nuts in such a good hiding place that neither of us will find them for quite awhile. Dean, because he doesn't remember that he has them, and me, because I can't remember where I put them. They must be in a very secure location. Either that, or Dean has found them and finished them off. Like he did with the box of chocolate-covered cherries the other day.

This impulsivity or lack of self-control is a typical symptom of someone who is brain-injured or has dementia. It has resulted in some weight gain for Dean lately, as you might imagine. I even threatened to send him to a "fat farm" today, when he was complaining about my tight restraints on the food pantry. But probably we'll just end up readjusting his medicines at some point.

Do I complain about God's restraints sometimes too? I'm sure I do. It seems like He's hiding all the good things in my life in very secure locations, and leaving me without any of the luxuries that make life sweet. I must stop complaining and remember that God is doing it all for my best eternal interest. He's a caregiver I can really trust.

Time Confusion

Today we gained an hour in our day by turning the clocks back an hour. Some people actually got to sleep an hour longer, or at least it felt that way. But people with dementia already have enough trouble keeping track of time. It's a shame we do this to confuse them even more, let alone the rest of us who are willing to admit that it just doesn't make any sense to go through the ritual of changing all our clocks twice a year.

So many people are disgruntled with the system of daylight savings time. When man fools with time reckonings it often leads to confusion though, doesn't it? For instance, for decades and even centuries, man has been confused about the Sabbath and Sunday, which has come to be called the Lord's Day. It hasn't been that long ago when people actually referred to Sunday as the Sabbath. Now people are openly aware that they are not keeping the seventh-day Sabbath by worshiping on Sunday, but they feel that church tradition has sanctified the practice.

Whatever day you choose to worship on, keep in mind that when man, through tradition or legislation, intervenes with God-ordained time systems, it results in confusion. Just like the way we confuse ourselves twice a year with daylight savings time.

The Pill Organizer

Having just retrieved Dean's new pill organizer that his nurse filled earlier in the week, and replaced it with the empty one I am reminded that today, Sunday, is truly the start of a new week. When you look at most calenders I also find that Sunday does not come at the end, but at the beginning. It's even referred to as the first day of the week in dictionaries.

When I read the Ten Commandments, it's like having a pill organizer. In the very center of it, we are told with great detail to remember something that involves a weekly reminder. The Sabbath reminds us of our Creator. The world was created in six days, and we are invited to share a time of rest with the Creator of the universe. We are able to rest on that day, because it was the day God blessed.

Daniel 7:25 speaks about a world power that will change times and laws. Don't underestimate the power of the master Deceiver. I believe he has been at work on this for a very long time, with much success.

Going Places on my Stationary Bike

I simply have got to start exercising in the morning on my recumbent stationary bike. Repeatedly when I wait til later in the day, I'm too tired to get it done. My oxygen is partly to blame for that, I'm sure, but it may apply to other people as well, especially if you are more of a morning type person, like I am.

There just seems to be so much to get done in the mornings and all through the day that I don't have time to do something just for me, like exercising.

This flies in the face of the caregiver presentation I'll be giving in October for a women's retreat. My message there is for caregivers to take care of themselves and take time for themselves. Guess I'd better start practicing what I preach.

Sometimes taking time means stealing it from something else. But I have to keep telling myself that I am as important as all those something elses. As a matter of fact, I may be the most important thing on my to-do list, because I'm the one doing all the things on the list.

In the same vein, God asks us to put Him first in our lives. Not because He's an egotistical dictator, but because without God first, none of us would be thriving, let alone even be alive. He did give us life, remember?

So, in the morning, right after I worship my Creator God, I'm going to hop on that bike and pedal my way to better health, and who knows, I might even get more done by the end of the day.

Under Control

The other day I went to visit someone in a nursing care facility. The gentleman is in his nineties, but has hopes of going back to his own home after enough therapy there. Since I had a little time on my hands after the visit, I thought I would scope out the dementia unit and had someone from admissions give me a tour.

I don't know what prompted me to ask for a tour. Dean, my husband, is still so young. But we don't know how fast his dementia will progress or how long my health will permit me to take care of him. I just pray that Dean won't have to be in a place like that for long, as comfortable and attractive as it was.

In any event, I am just trying to leave it in the Lord's hands. His timetable was so perfect for my parents' end time a couple of years ago. As stressful as the time was for us all, God knew exactly how much care we were capable of giving and exactly how much suffering they were able to endure.

God really is the perfect Caregiver. And He has it all under control.

Life Busy-ness

Busy Monday, as usual. Filled with doctor appointment for husband in the morning and running errands in the afternoon. Several "things" to do yet this evening. I'm beginning to understand the title of a book for caregivers called "The 36 Hour Day".

Alot of us need a 36-hour day to get done with all our life "busy-ness". It just dawned on me where the word "business" comes from. Life in and of itself constitutes a business. Hey, we're all small business owners, if you have a life! And being a caregiver, doubles your business, because you are not only looking out after yourself, but your loved one. Same for parents. Think of yourselves as small business owners, because you really are.

Getting back to the 36 hours... Unfortunately God only allows us 24 hours each day, but He has built in a cushion for us each week. It's called the Sabbath and has been blessed for us to "use" clear back when our world was created. Man has tried to get rid of it, change it (Daniel 7:25), and just outright ignore it. But the sacredness of the day stands, and true rest, physical and spiritual, can only come from heeding its call. It's a call to worship the Creator and found in the very heart of God's Ten Commandment law.