Toddler Behavior

This morning Dean was a bit of a "behavior problem child" (my new term for it, after observing the actions of my just-turned-three granddaughter). He flared up, just like a toddler would, when at one point he didn't get his way about something, and then resorted to pushing my buttons repeatedly in childish retaliation.

In my earlier days of parenthood, I probably wouldn't have been so patient. But I guess I'm just more mature now and have had LOTS of patience practice, so I was able to just ignore his silly antics. (Just in case you're wondering, he kept rolling his window all the way down while we were on the interstate, hoping I'd complain about all the hot air blowing on us.)

He apologized for it later in the day, for which I am fortunate. Not all caregivers are blessed with someone still capable of heartfelt remorse. It's nice to have his spoken requests for forgiveness, along with his often-expressed words of love. It makes caregiving so much more bearable.

I can understand God's patience a little better through this. He keeps His merciful forgiveness available to all who simply ask for it. And besides, He's had eons of patience practice under His belt. It pleasures Him to receive our repentance, but I'm sure it also pains Him immensely when we fail to reciprocate His love by neglecting to express our love and praise to Him for all He's done.

I still made him a special Fourth of July meal. Feeding him is my number one way to keep him happy and well-behaved!

Dean's Love Poem

Last week on one of the days Dean goes to an adult day program, one of the activities they had for them there was a choice between playing a game or sitting down and writing a poem. Not surprisingly, my romantic husband chose to write a poem, in the wake of our 37th anniversary.

He handed this handwritten note to me, when he got home. It said:

"My Wife is the Best
An Angel
A Queen
She says no to no one

37 trips around the sun
and five days more
She finds a way
She's amazing
Without her I'd feel like an empty person.
God answered my prayer"

How wise of us all to turn down the "games of life" and focus on the "loves of our life".

Caregiving Etiquette

Finally Dean got to use his Burger King gift card he got for Christmas. We went there for supper today and ate in the BK dining room. Not just drive-thru for this fast-food special occasion. It was a good time to be there, just before the supper rush, and it appeared we were the only customers for awhile at least.

We made our food choices, and Dean was trying to count out the exact change from a handful of coins in his hand. He was starting to get a bit frustrated with the effort it was taking. So I appealed to him to let me get the coins for the cashier, since there were now people behind us waiting in line. He relented and we then proceeded to find a table with our food.

Dean, of course, had his usual large Coke under control, I thought, until he set it down by the tray of food on the table and then knocked it over with his hand, spilling most of the contents, on the table, on the chair, on the floor, and on himself.

With a bit of embarrassment I informed the cashier that we had a rather major mishap, involving Coke spillage at our table. He was so polite and understanding about taking care of it. I hoped it wasn't just an outward showing of customer service etiquette he was forced to adhere to, but that it was evidence of a sincere compassion on two senior citizens, who were just doing the best they could.

I hope I can exemplify this in my life as well. I pray that my patient and loving behavior doesn't become just an outward showing of caregiving etiquette that I'm forced to adhere to, but that it stems from an overflow of loving patience that my heavenly Father has exhibited toward me, and continues to show each and every day of my life.

"Lovegiving"

A friend of mine just lost her elderly father. She and her husband have been caregivers for her parents for some time now, so I'm feeling a special sadness for them today. It reminds me of what the end of my own caregiving will feel like.

I don't know if grief is any easier after caregiving or not. Perhaps there's still guilt over whether your care was good enough. But then again, there's some comfort in knowing that you were there for them and did the best you could.

Friends and loved ones often refer to caregivers as saints. But we are actually no more saintly than any other Christian. As a matter of fact, the Bible indicates in many places that anyone who calls on the name of Jesus and is sanctified in Him is a saint. (I Corinthians 1:2) ) Caregiving doesn't make one a saint. It allows us to be one. It's the Christian, saintly thing to do.

It's an opportunity to give back the care and love that's been given to us. One might call it "lovegiving".

Filthy Rags

While Dean was occupied in the living room today, I sneaked off to the bedroom to arrange his clothes to wear for tomorrow. For years now, I've had to put his clothes in the hamper on the sly because he never thinks they're dirty enough.

As I was changing the suspenders on his jeans and transferring his pocket contents to the clean pair, I thought of how many times Jesus has probably taken care of me when I wasn't aware of it, when I didn't trust Him enough with my care, or when I thought I knew what was best for me when I really didn't.

Dean is so vocal about telling people what a good wife and caregiver I am. I need to do likewise and let as many as possible know what a wonderful Lord and Savior I have.

Jesus has changed my filthy rags to clean ones more times than I can count. But only because of our love for each other. My love for Jesus and Dean's love for me. You have to love and trust your caregiver.

For the Birds

I'm getting used to seeing some of Dean's hoarding manifestations, but yesterday I was still amused to see the little yogurt cup (the kind with a disposable lid you peel off) all rinsed out and in my dish drainer by the sink.

It was there by a couple of his plastic cups and lids he gets every day with his "Meals on Wheels". He saves everything from the paper sack that comes with it to the little Bible verse on a slip of paper that comes in the sack. It's a miracle he lets me throw away the empty milk cartons and aluminum trays the food comes on. It took a lot of persuasion and explanation, but he did make that concession. Fortunately, he doesn't know how many plastic cups and paper sacks I've thrown away when he isn't looking. I keep just enough of them around to make him feel comfortable, and for our house not to look like a hoarder's heaven.

But then, he saw me throw away some crumbs yesterday off the bread board and when he started to protest, I asked him what they were good for. Not expecting that he had such an immediate answer, he said, "To feed the birds!" Oh, well, they were already in the trash can. What can you say?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if every person on earth were valued that much? That all of us were deemed worth saving? But then, that is how God feels about each and every one of us. He's "not willing that any should perish." I'm thankful for such a loving, hoarder God, aren't you?

P.S. If you come to visit us with a water bottle or aluminum can, please take it home with you!!!

Sister's Birthday

Today is my sister's birthday. In observing the interactions of my two little granddaughters I'm reminded of why my sister and I are so close. Did we play with our dolls like they do? Did I try to boss her around a bit as we had our pretend games like Jenna does? Did she try to copy everything I said or did like Julia does? Did one of us cry when the other fell down and got hurt?

Yes, we not only shared our bed, our toys, our clothes, our food, but we shared our childhoods. You hear a lot about sibling rivalry, but sharing siblings are a power to be reckoned with.

Today I am blessed immeasurably by a sister who's gone way beyond the call of duty many times to help a sister who has had special physical needs. She has been there for me on a physical level, but we have both been there for each other's emotional needs as well.

My brother and I have a special relationship too and we love each other dearly, but gender sometimes gets in the way. Maybe that's why the Lord blessed him doubly with two sisters to fill in the gaps.

Sister and brother, if you read this, just know that I treasure you both and want you to always know that I am there for you, even though many miles are between us. But most of all, God is there for the three of us. We can't outlive or outgrow His love.

Chore or Ritual

Our topic for discussion tonight at our brain injury support group was sleep. It seems that we all have different sleep habits and strategies for getting a good night's sleep. Sleeping well has a positive impact on our overall physical and mental health, and is especially needed for brain injury survivors and their caregivers. Put simply, it just makes you feel good.

One thing we talked about was what you do just prior to sleeping. My bedtime chore, since I've been on oxygen, consists of setting up my Bi-PAP machine. Filling the humidifier with distilled water, attaching the hose and oxygen tubing, turning on the oxygen concentrator, putting on the face mask, and finally turning the machine on. All that activity was not conducive to sleep, believe me. And I hated it.

But then last year, a nurse introduced me to a new face mask with a design that allowed me to wear my glasses, rather clumsily, so I could read myself to sleep with the mask and machine already on. For five years, I had missed falling asleep reading a book. Now I don't mind the Bi-PAP setup nearly as much. Instead of a chore, it's just my regular bedtime ritual or routine, a positive strategy to getting a good night's sleep.

It's amazing how the same activity can be perceived in a totally different way, simply by my attitude about it. God is the same way. Some think that anything to do with religion and God is not to be desired. That serving God, attending church, witnessing to our friends and neighbors, or having a personal devotional life are hated chores. But when seen through the lens of love for God, the same things are beloved activities that we cherish and adore.

Knowing and loving God is just like a good night's sleep. It just makes you feel good. Your attitude is what counts. Cultivate a loving one.

Getting My Voice Back

I was flattered when the studio director at Christian Record Services called me recently to ask if I'd like to start narrating again, after a winter off. After a couple of tries, I guess I'm back on the volunteer reader list. I've always enjoyed reading to children in my classes, so I just pretend I'm reading to a group of eager young listeners, even though the setting is more like a professional radio broadcasting studio.

It's been a mystery to me how people can say they like the sound of my voice on their audio books. I have a couple of blind friends who have told me they enjoy my reading, but I question whether they are saying it just to make me feel good.

Calvin, the studio director, explained to me that we always sound different to ourselves, because we are hearing through our own ears and heads, from the inside out, not the outside in. Our heads evidently have a way of cushioning or insulating our voice, giving it a different sound than others hear.

I'm thankful there is a God who hears us, both inside and out, and loves us anyway. Now that's the real mystery.

 (See  www.christianrecord.org to help the blind have Christian reading materials.)

Dog Surgery

Tomorrow my little dog has surgery. Just a simple spaying, but I'm sure it will be a big deal for her. It will be hard dropping her off at the veterinarian's in the morning. I wish there was some way I could communicate with her to let her know what's going to happen, so she won't be as frightened.

But I can almost guarantee that when I pick her up the next day, she will not hold it against me that I brought her there. Her trust and love for me will be just as strong as the day I first took her into my home. She will have lots of doggy "kisses" to share, despite the pain that she'll be experiencing.

As humans, shouldn't we be that trusting of our heavenly Father? It must pain Him that He can't share everything that may happen in our lives, but we shouldn't hold it against Him. Our love must survive for our Master, even when we are in the very heart of pain and suffering.

We dog owners are always looking for ways to teach our dogs obedience, but let's not overlook what they are teaching us about love.

Back from Class

I'm considering going to a seminar tonight on back pain and care. I've pretty much concluded that my poor crooked spine is beyond any natural help, but will see what tips they might have for me. I'll report later when I get back what I learn from the meeting. (On a side note, it's a way I can get out of the house by myself, since my nephew is here for Dean.)

*****************

OK, back from the "back class". I will have to amend my previous statement about my crooked back. The ONLY help I have for my crookedness is natural. Particularly, exercise and diet. Which I'm always trying to improve anyway. This meeting just gave me some motivation to keep trying. I value that more than the information that was presented.

This emphasized to me that I must work on my witnessing style too. I have to work on not just giving out information. That's not what people are looking for. Most people don't need information as much as they need inspiration and motivation, powered by a genuine caring spirit.

Lord, please help me to attract others to you with bonds of your heavenly love.