My Cover

A friend and I were chatting about someone we both knew, and one of us mentioned that she now has dementia. Due to our mutual experience with this, we both said we recognized it awhile back. Repeating yourself is often the first sign that gets noticed by friends and loved ones.

Then as I was leaving the house yesterday to run some errands, I asked Dean's home health nurse, who happened to be there, to remind Dean where I was going, when he got through with his shower. I laughingly told her that between repeating myself for his poor hearing and for his memory deficits, I was doubly cursed with repeating things.

It dawned on me as I got into the car that I was certainly repeating things more than most people. And with a chuckle to myself, I wondered how my family will know that I might be starting to have dementia. That's alright though; it will be nice to have a "cover" for my old age forgetfulness. I can blame it on being a caregiver!

There's another cover that I'm using a lot too. It's the cover found in Psalm 91:4. "He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler." Yes, God is my refuge, my fortress, and my cover. I guess I can blame that on being a Christian.

Dinner with a Friend

Yesterday turned out to be an amazing day, even though I had my doubts when Dean woke up with a hoarse voice and wisely opted out of going to his twice-a-week adult day program. Couldn't help but sigh, because I had so many errands on my agenda while he was safely tucked away in someone else's care.

His disorientation and mental confusion has improved enough though that I decided to just go ahead with my plans and leave him with DVDs to watch and microwaveable food, and stop in quickly or call him during the times I had to be out. He seems to do just fine for an hour or two on his own.

My most enjoyable "errand" was meeting a lady friend, who offered to take me out to eat somewhere for my birthday. Couldn't remember when I'd last done that. It was incredibly sweet to have some adult conversation with a peer, who wasn't my daughter or sister. It really meant a lot to have that womanly-sharing time.

As many with spouses who have dementia, it's easy to reduce your social life to almost nothing. I tried having people over for dinner after church sometimes in the years since Dean's tractor accident. There were a few years this was possible, but it's become increasingly more stressful since his dementia has increased. So, I have virtually stopped trying, except for occasional suppers with close family members. And I love cooking for others, so it's something I really miss.

I am looking forward to a two-day caregiver retreat this month though. But the retreat that I most look forward to is one out of this world. There we will have the most heavenly social life we can imagine. And the party never ends.

Praise Him, Praise Him

This is the third week that Dean hasn't felt up to attending his adult day program, which he normally goes to on Tuesdays and Fridays. He's not been sleeping so good at night, but makes up for it during the day. It seems to be related to his high blood pressure readings during the night though, so I have hopes of resolving this issue someday with medication adjustments.

Just to get him out of the house this morning, I suggested that we go to the grocery store that his day program goes to once a month. They have a sit-down cafeteria there and it's nice for the clients, Dean's friends for years now, to associate with some of the regular customers there.

They were all happy to see Dean and see how he's been doing. And they are always happy to see me. Evidently Dean has told them so much what an angel I am, that they have come to actually believe it. I get a lot of good affirmation from that crowd. Even though we have had little interaction over the years, they act like I'm their best friend.

This reminded me that through our praise of Jesus, we can actually make Him feel close to others too. They can come to appreciate Him as much as we do. The nicest praise we receive is that given when we aren't around to hear it. In other words, it's important to praise Him everywhere, not just in church.

The "Stranger"

As a rule, Dean is very friendly with strangers, but today when he began conversing with a young man who came into the doctor's waiting room, Dean talked to him as if they knew each other. To my knowledge, they had never met, and although the "stranger" was polite and responsive, it appeared that he really didn't know Dean. They both carried on a quite lively conversation though.

When we got to the examining room to see the doctor, Dean told me privately that he thought he knew the "stranger" somewhere. He was sure of it, but he didn't know where. To Dean, it didn't really matter. Almost everyone enjoys Dean's friendly banter, because he really doesn't know any strangers. Never has.

For Dean, the Bible admonition to beware, lest we find ourselves entertaining strangers unawares, hold no threat. How easy our witnessing would be if we could all be so friendly with those we meet.

Breaking Bread

I'm so glad we have a small gathering to go to on most Friday nights, the beginning of the Sabbath. A place for Dean to be with some of his church friends and a time to share the study of God's Word. Dean has been missing that at church the last few months due to his dementia issues, so I'm thankful he still gets a small taste of church life at our friends' house most weeks. They are so special for providing us with that, for being supportive of Dean's needs, and for letting us both have a taste of Christian social life again. Some nights we even share a meal together, usually something simple like soup or "haystacks", and that is extra special.

The book of Acts tells of the early Christians "breaking bread from house to house" (Acts 2:46). And they did it "with gladness and singleness of heart."

I would encourage all church members to not be shy about inviting people into your homes. Your house doesn't have to qualify for a Better Homes and Gardens photo op. And your cooking doesn't have to match the chef of a quality high-class restaurant. Your guests will feel special just because you invited them.

I know we do.

Starving on a Full Stomach

My husband's hunger these days knows no bounds. We had a picnic supper with friends out at a lake yesterday and after five slices of pizza, four helpings of potato salad, a considerable amount of cantaloupe, several brownies, and two sodas, the first thing he said when we got home was "Will you fix me a grilled cheese sandwich?"

This afternoon we went to a local hospital for their annual 50 Plus Ice Cream Social. After two man-size helpings of ice cream with mounds of toppings and sauces, plus three big cookies, the first thing he said when we got home was "What's for supper?"

It's a wonder that we're able to keep his weight steady. I'm sure it's the meds that are making him so ravenous, but you can just imagine the dent it makes in my grocery shopping budget. Should we change his dosage again? I really feel sorry for his constant state of dissatisfaction with the amount of food he eats. No matter how much he eats, he still feels a need for more. Is this what starvation feels like?

Many people are starving for God as well. They know they are blessed with much of this world's goods, but they feel in a constant state of dissatisfaction with what they have. No matter how much earthly success and power they have, how many college degrees or beauty titles they earn, how much money they accumulate and spend, or even how much alcohol and other escape substances they abuse their bodies with, they never feel like it is enough. Yes, without God in our life, there will be an empty place in our spirit that only God can fill. When you find yourself in this category, it's time to change the meds. The Master Physician knows just what to prescribe.

You don't have to starve.

The Good and the Bad

Dean and I had a special day today. We celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. According to Dean, no celebration is complete unless it involves eating out, so it was nice to have our son-in-law and daughter come to our rescue and take us out to eat for supper.

For all the joy of the anniversary, there were also some bittersweet moments. Earlier in the day, Dean and I went to visit a friend from years ago who recently had an accident resulting in a traumatic brain injury. It was very emotional for me to go to Madonna Rehabilitation Hospital and see Lloyd in basically the same condition as Dean was when he was there twelve years ago. Lloyd was not very responsive, but from the reports I've heard, he is making good progress in recovering from a coma, similar to the one Dean had following his tractor accident in 1999.

This sure shows how life has its ups and downs. Our wedding gave us many happy memories. But the day of the accident was not so good. We must take the bad along with the good just because we live in a world polluted with sin. But the nice part is that God does not leave us when times get tough. If anything, He draws closer. We just have to look for Him.

Three days after Dean's accident I thought to look at my new medical insurance card and was amazed that the day it became effective was the day of his accident. The thought of it still makes me shiver. God had not deserted us. He was very much in control, when it seemed that only chaos reigned in our lives. But where there is chaos, there is also peace. The bad and the good. Look for it.

Good-bye to a Friend

I am saddened today about the loss of a great gentleman who attended my church for about as many years as the local church existed. Mitch will be long remembered for his wide smile and winsome ways. Even though he was at an age where losing him should be expected, it still caught most of us by surprise. He was at church just yesterday, smiling and shaking hands with all his friends.

I know this makes him sound like a strong, gregarious person. But he really had a very humble, non-assuming personality. Mitch didn't have to command your attention. You gave it to him because he just seemed worthy of it. He was proud of his native American heritage, but didn't lord it over anyone either.

He spoke of his Savior as his best friend, as I'm sure He was. And he wanted everyone to know that Jesus could be their friend too. Mitch served God right to the end. He could always be depended on to visit others who couldn't make it to church, and he never failed to amaze me with his wise and loving comments during Sabbath School class. I looked forward to his insights in our Bible study each week.

There's a lot to miss about our friend Mitch. There was a lot behind his wide, ear-to-ear smile. And I think those are the things that will live on in all the lives he touched. The best part, the God-part, lives on.

My Walker

Today I drove for the first time since hurting my foot over a week ago. My nephew needed a ride to work this morning, and then later I took Dean with me to the medical supply place to see what was wrong with my bi-pap machine (mini-ventilator that helps me breathe at night). Both trips didn't require any walking on my part. I was able to use the boot enough to get out to the car and back. It still is rather painful to put much weight on it, so I continue to use the walker.

That walker has become my friend. It is parked near me everywhere I am in the house. I store things I might need in the pockets it has on the front. Things like the portable phone, a calender, Kleenexes, a hand towel, and the jug of water when it needs filled. Even my purse is draped on the side.

Jesus is just that kind of friend to me. Someone I want near me, to catch me when I fall, or just be there to lean on. Someone who will adapt to my needs and carry my burdens. Thank you, Jesus, for helping me on my Christian walk.

Fur Types

Today I gave our little dog a bath. She is such a tiny thing, only about five pounds, so bathing is fast and easy. Her fur is so thin and fine, compared to the Sheltie we once had. I can't help but notice the difference in bathing, based on fur type alone. It took forever to just get the Sheltie's fur wet, and after soap was applied, rinsing was equally time-consuming. With Minnie, it's just get her in the tub, zip, and we're through. Even drying is a shorter process.

What does all this have to do with you and me? I think we all have different personalities and needs, just like fur type. Consequently, some of us require more maintenance to keep our relational and emotional forces working properly. Do we recognize which of our friends and loved ones are those requiring more maintenance? Or do we even care?

This holiday season I should take a closer look at my card list, address book, Facebook page, and all my methods for keeping track of friends. It won't hurt to make a phone call, write a little longer letter or email, or even visit in person those who need a little more maintenance. It will mean as much to me as it will to them. I'll enjoy richer and closer friendships, and it will be as nice as having a clean-smelling dog around the house.

Bixby, the Guide Dog

At church dinner today we had the pleasure of having a guide dog in attendance at our table. Bixby, a new addition to his master's life, is fast becoming a hit with church members, young and old. There is a rule, however, that he can't be petted unless his "guide harness" is off. It's his signal that he is "off duty".

Certainly this harness concept must relate to our Christian walk. We must constantly be "in harness" and "on duty" for God's service, as we guide others to an understanding of God's love. But will God ever allow the harness to be removed and the petting to begin?

I believe He's making provisions for that time even now. Somewhere in heaven there are "petting" mansions being built, where God's people will be pampered supremely when Jesus comes again. (John 14:1-3) And I'm sure there are angels who are eagerly waiting for the chance to get to know the human race on a more personal, up-close level...just like our desire to pet and make friends with Bixby.