My Cover

A friend and I were chatting about someone we both knew, and one of us mentioned that she now has dementia. Due to our mutual experience with this, we both said we recognized it awhile back. Repeating yourself is often the first sign that gets noticed by friends and loved ones.

Then as I was leaving the house yesterday to run some errands, I asked Dean's home health nurse, who happened to be there, to remind Dean where I was going, when he got through with his shower. I laughingly told her that between repeating myself for his poor hearing and for his memory deficits, I was doubly cursed with repeating things.

It dawned on me as I got into the car that I was certainly repeating things more than most people. And with a chuckle to myself, I wondered how my family will know that I might be starting to have dementia. That's alright though; it will be nice to have a "cover" for my old age forgetfulness. I can blame it on being a caregiver!

There's another cover that I'm using a lot too. It's the cover found in Psalm 91:4. "He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler." Yes, God is my refuge, my fortress, and my cover. I guess I can blame that on being a Christian.

Dean's Prayer-Song

One way that I know Dean has worsened dementia, due to his brain injury, is that he now has a harder time with repeating the same song over and over. He did that a lot the first few years after his accident, but now it is one of the "symptoms" that has come back to haunt us.

I say haunt us, because although my voice is not solo quality either, I've at least been able to muster a decent enough sound to sing in choirs. I'm not sure Dean would fit in a choir. Let's just say he's able to make a joyful noise with a congregation. I'm sure his hearing deficit is mostly to blame though, because he does have a rich, low voice that I mostly love. (He did remind me the other day that he sang in a choir once. I'm thinking--high school academy, maybe?)

In any event, the song he seems to be stuck on recently is called "An Evening Prayer". It's a beautiful song. When I was "complaining" about his humming it all the time recently though--after humming my own different songs all day, in a futile effort to get him to change his tune--he told me that it's not just a song to him. It's really his prayer. When he said that, I gave up, and just let him have "his prayer-song".

An Evening Prayer

If I have wounded any soul today,
If I have caused one foot to go astray,
If I have walked in my own willful way,
Dear Lord, forgive!

If I have uttered idle words or vain,
If I have turned aside from want or pain,
Lest I myself shall suffer through the strain,
Dear Lord, forgive!

If I have been perverse or hard, or cold,
If I have longed for shelter in Thy fold,
When Thou hast given me some fort to hold,
Dear Lord, forgive!

Forgive the sins I have confessed to Thee;
Forgive the secret sins I do not see;
O guide me, love me and my keeper be,
Dear Lord, Amen.

 

"Wolverton Mountain"

Dean seems to be doing more repetitive singing these days. He gets stuck on one song and sings it night and day. And with much gusto, I might add.

I was getting pretty tired of one song on his repertoire of late. It's called "Wolverton Mountain", an old country song that some of you might remember was popular several decades ago. It's about a beautiful, young girl who lived on Wolverton Mountain, secure from all suitors by an overprotective father. Dean has taken the liberty of substituting the father's name for MY father's name, and so it dawned on me that I was the "pretty, young girl". Instead of being annoyed and irritable about hearing the same song over and over, I began listening to it with more interested ears. It was nice to be the object of his affectionate singing.

Then I realized that God must enjoy our songs about Him too, no matter how frequently and in-eloquently performed. So, when Dean changes his singing to one of his hymns, I can understand God's enjoyment, and allow Him the same "I am loved" feeling I have when Dean sings about me.

If God loves Dean's singing, then who am I to not enjoy it too. Sing on, ol' man!

Storytelling and Prayers

Another sign of Dean's increased dementia is the repetition of his old stories. After his brain injury in 1999, it was several years before we saw the "old stories" drop off and he would be able to give variation to his storytelling, making it more bearable for family members and those who knew him well to listen with more enjoyment. His stories now are taking on the flavor of a tape recording in his brain again that only allows him to tell his stories one way, word for word, and please don't interrupt him!

On the other hand, his prayers still have some freshness and eloquence, and I know he must be putting a lot of effort into his conversations with God. (Some of our family members are getting doubly blessed, by the way; but at least no one gets left out.)

I, on the other hand, must remember not to let my prayers take on that trait of being repeated monologues that God has heard from me countless times before. Let them be fresh and deeply thought out, as if I was talking to a very important friend. I know God is a polite listener, but I don't want to take advantage of His graciousness.

My prayers must be the very best I can offer, just like Dean's always are and have been. I thank God for a very spiritual husband. In that, he will always be the head of our house, the patriarch in our family.

on Father's Day, 2012