Sweet Respite

Yesterday was an unusual day. No Dean--he was at his day structure program. No babysitting for granddaughter. No pressing blogposts to write or phone calls to make. My housekeeping was up to snuff--no laundry or dishes to wash. The dog had even had a bath and the bird cage cleaned. And there was no shopping or errands to run.

I ended up taking a leisurely shower, watching a few Andy Griffith shows, and calling an old friend. After that I took a nap. Yes, I took a nap. Felt like I'd been on a short vacation.

I'm on a caregiver respite advisory board for southeast Nebraska, and have been "talking" about respite for months now. But yesterday I actually "felt" respite. This is what we're trying to give caregivers, isn't it?

Time to do nothing is really nice. But in most cases it's just respite to get away from direct caregiving to the care receiver. There is such a mountain of things that caregivers do that it's almost impossible to get away from them entirely.

I'm glad I got to experience true respite even ever-so-briefly yesterday. It reminded me of heaven. God can give us a form of rest while we're here on earth (the weekly Sabbath rest), but only when we get to heaven can we feel true rest from sin and cares of the world that we crave so much. That's why I look forward to the Second Coming and that glorious rest we'll enjoy with Him.

Jesus--our sweetest Respite Provider

What Time Did You Say?

Every night I review in my mind what needs to be done the next day. Last night I started to panic because I couldn't think of many things that needed done. Had I forgotten something major? Usually I was swamped. Would I get bored and start pacing the house all day if I ran out of things to do? Could I stay off my social media and internet with that much time on my hands before my eyes started to burn?

I had very few dishes in the sink or clothes in the hamper. About all I could think of was to shower, vacuum, and change the bottom of the bird cage. After a couple of phone calls, I was free the rest of the day. Dean was at his adult day program and so I had most of the morning to myself.

Then I remembered a committee meeting that afternoon for the Respite Network. I had written in 3 p.m. for it on my personal calender. So I left for the meeting in time, not thinking for a minute that all the other monthly meetings had been at 1:30 to 3:00.

Needless to say, no one was there when I arrived. I couldn't understand why, and even asked a secretary there to see where the meeting was held, even then thinking I must have the location wrong. But when she said that the meeting was at 1:30, I felt like such a dunce. How glad I was that the meeting had let out on time. I would have felt pretty silly walking in at the time they were finishing up.

The lesson for me in all this was that it isn't just when I'm swamped with things to do that mistakes can be made. I am capable of making them even when things are relatively calm and easy. I have to let God have control always. Not just when things are crazy and I'm all frazzled. I need Him during the relaxed times of my life as well.

Next time I have time on my hands, I'm giving it to God. My schedule is His, from beginning to end.

Dinner with a Friend

Yesterday turned out to be an amazing day, even though I had my doubts when Dean woke up with a hoarse voice and wisely opted out of going to his twice-a-week adult day program. Couldn't help but sigh, because I had so many errands on my agenda while he was safely tucked away in someone else's care.

His disorientation and mental confusion has improved enough though that I decided to just go ahead with my plans and leave him with DVDs to watch and microwaveable food, and stop in quickly or call him during the times I had to be out. He seems to do just fine for an hour or two on his own.

My most enjoyable "errand" was meeting a lady friend, who offered to take me out to eat somewhere for my birthday. Couldn't remember when I'd last done that. It was incredibly sweet to have some adult conversation with a peer, who wasn't my daughter or sister. It really meant a lot to have that womanly-sharing time.

As many with spouses who have dementia, it's easy to reduce your social life to almost nothing. I tried having people over for dinner after church sometimes in the years since Dean's tractor accident. There were a few years this was possible, but it's become increasingly more stressful since his dementia has increased. So, I have virtually stopped trying, except for occasional suppers with close family members. And I love cooking for others, so it's something I really miss.

I am looking forward to a two-day caregiver retreat this month though. But the retreat that I most look forward to is one out of this world. There we will have the most heavenly social life we can imagine. And the party never ends.

Peace and Quiet

Don't know why I've been in such a dark mood. Yesterday's stop at a rehab center with Dean, which included visiting someone we know in the dementia unit, was rather unnerving to me. That was probably part of it. Just couldn't explain why I was feeling so out-of-sorts lately.

Today Dean had to go get more blood drawn to check his platelets, which were low the last time. And then on to visit his podiatrist for a regular nail clipping. I asked Dean to go into the doctor's office by himself, so I could brood for awhile by myself in the car. I even told him that's what I was going to do.

Just those few moments alone helped. All I did was sit in the peace and quiet. When I felt somewhat recharged I went in to the waiting room till he was done with the doctor. I'm not sure it totally did the trick, but it did feel good to be alone for just a bit. A caregiver has to get respite anyway she can.

I thank God for opportunities of refreshment and renewal. God knows we all need them. I'm sure that's why He gave us the Sabbath. You don't have to be a caregiver to experience Sabbath Rest. It's built right into our week. And it's ours for the taking.

No Respite Needed

Life has slowed down immensely in our household. Dean is requiring more of my presence, which has meant more time at home for both of us.

I've often wondered about other caregivers who seem to be glued to their loved ones and can't seem to relinquish them to the care of others so they can have some respite, needed time for themselves to rejuvenate away from home. But now I am coming to see how this protectiveness could easily happen, especially where dementia is involved.

It feels similar to when a child has recurrent nightmares. As a parent, you feel most qualified to calm the child's fears and make them feel safe again. As Dean's caregiver, I feel the same kind of urgency to be that person he looks to, as he faces some of the altered thoughts and vivid dreams he has experienced lately.

I'm sure my heavenly Father is just as protective of me. He is always standing by, ready to calm my fears, help me feel oriented, stable, and secure. Thank you, Jesus, for always being on the watch. For loving me and keeping me safe. No respite needed for God, our faithful and devoted Caregiver.

Minnie, our faithful and devoted dog, helps keep watch

Hearing the Ocean

Every other Wednesday night, I get a bit of respite from caregiving. I so enjoy doing a storytime for the youngest ones at our church youth night (called Pathfinders, by some of you). These littlest ones have their own name, Lil' Lambs, and their own matching T-shirts too. I just read them a book before the meeting starts to give the adult leaders a few more minutes to prepare for the official activities.

Last night the book I read was about the ocean and besides all the little seashells I had to show them, I borrowed a big conch shell from a friend, after noticing it laying on her front porch. They all got to take turns trying to listen to the sound of the ocean in the shell.

One little boy was quite surprised when I told him I had borrowed the shell from his grandparents' porch. He didn't seem to remember that it was there, even though I have seen it every time I go to their house.

What goodies am I missing when I study my Bible? I'm sure I overlook treasures that are just laying there, ready for me to discover. Wait...is that the sound of heaven I hear coming from that verse?

Here are the shells I had them pick up from a beach towel, spread out on the floor, er beach.
 Some of them were trying to hear the ocean, even from these smaller shells!

Sweet Respite

Today was a "me" day and I basked in the freedom this day at home all alone brought me. I left lights on in rooms I had vacated. The toilet seat stayed in one place with the lid up and the seat down. I ate my dessert before my dinner. I even had cranberry sauce on my oatmeal in the morning. I read a book whenever I felt like it and didn't even look at any bills or my checkbook. Amazingly the phone didn't ring while I was in the shower. Oh, sweet respite when my hubby goes to his adult day program once a week!

My daughter called later in the morning and wanted me to go shopping with her and to the library. I was going to the library anyway, so I said sure. I got to spend quality time with her and my two little granddaughters for a few hours. Who could ask for anything more?

Of course, I can't forget the respite time God gave us at creation. The Sabbath was given to us for just this purpose too. So we can break away from the world on the special day He blessed and spend it with Him. Jesus told us the Sabbath was made for man. Are we using it for the purpose He intended? Don't throw away His gift. Use it wisely, and you can have a delightful respite just like I did today.