Birthday "Boy"

This has been an unusual birthday year for Dean. Number one, he admits that he doesn't know when he's looked forward to his birthday so much (on December 4). For months now, he has been counting the months, then days, then even hours, reminding all his family and friends that it was getting close. And it's not even a big-zero event yet (waiting for that one next year--the big 7-0).

Not surprisingly he woke up at three in the morning on the day of his birthday and I heard him softly singing "Happy Birthday" to himself! It certainly left me wondering what's come over this man. Is it just part of his dementia?

When I mentioned that perhaps he was experiencing a second childhood and reliving what a birthday felt like when he was a kid, he said that his birthday was recognized growing up, but as he looks back on it, it probably was rather combined with Christmas.

Sensing his enthusiasm now though I made sure I baked him a cake from scratch. One of his favorites, a carrot cake. I was glad his birthday came on a day he attended Easterday, his day program, so he was able to share the cake with the other clients there (almost like having a party).

The night before, I showed him my present. A new quilted flannel shirt that he was really needing to keep warm (a size larger than last year's, and it's almost impossible to get him to wear a coat these days.) I could tell he was anxious to show it off to his friends the next day.

After he came home from the day program on his birthday, I took him out to eat at a Mexican restaurant he's been wanting to try. My daughter and our two granddaughters topped his day off by surprising him when we got home with a visit that included a beautiful neck scarf, a candy bar, some M&Ms, and homemade cards and pictures.

To make the day even more special, my sister called him that night and he gave her a minute-by-minute account of his special birthday. I was amazed at the childlike nature of his birthday enjoyment.

Seeing the difference in his birthday enthusiasm this year made me stop and think about my looking forward to the Second Coming. Am I as anxious for that event as I should be? Wouldn't Jesus love to see a little more childlike excitement on my part in looking forward to it?

Christmas is nice for celebrating Christ's birth, but shouldn't the Second Coming be with the same holiday spirit? I wouldn't want God to feel shortchanged and not get the celebration that He deserves.

His new shirt (with hoodie)!

Our Tame Holiday

As with most people, I still look forward to holidays and celebrations of important events. Problem is the older we get, coupled with Dean's dementia issues, our holidays are getting more and more tame.

For the Fourth of July we casually watched the neighbors' fireworks from the safety of several blocks away. This wasn't always necessary before our new next-door neighbors moved in. Even last year we could serenely take in the festivities right from our own front yard swing.

These new younger families are the firecracker-light-'em-yourself type though, so things got really noisy and festive on our street last night. (Besides, I was afraid the air would get too smoke-filled. Being on oxygen, I'm sensitive to that. Learned my lesson with that a few years back.)

Finances what they are and keeping the food diet trimmed down with the healthiest foods we can afford, we didn't exactly splurge on holiday treats either. But I relented and got some vanilla ice cream to go with our frozen strawberries and blueberries, presenting a patriotic red, white, and blue dessert to eat while we watched the colorful displays in the sky.

I can totally relate to soldiers suffering with brain injuries and P.T.S.D. though. They must not have looked forward to hearing the pop-pops all through the night. What terrible memories these fireworks must hold for them. Or anyone who comes from a war-torn country.

Not having had their experiences though, I try to focus on the glorious appearing of Jesus in the clouds someday. That event will make all our attempts to beautify the sky on the Fourth seem like nothing. But there will be people then who will also dread it and others who rejoice that it's finally happening.

"...and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory." Matthew 24:30

Let's all be ready!

This Hope

For quite awhile this evening I've been trying to think of something of note to report in my blog. And then the most notable news ever came to me. Sunday as I was making my monthly routine calls to remind people of our brain injury support group that meets this Tuesday, one of our friends from the group sadly told me that her husband had passed away a week ago.

As I'm casually hoping to recall something noteworthy in my life, a fellow caregiver/survivor has had her world turned upside down this past week. He was such a caring man too, who came to all our meetings with his wife. She had a brain injury many years ago in an auto accident. The support group will never be the same without his quiet, cheerful, smiling presence. He will be sorely missed by all of us in the group.

Life is so fragile. And so is our grief. Grief is personal, it's diverse, and it's never going to go away so long as we're on this sinful planet. But someday, God promises to take away the sting of death. No more will we feel its bite. No more will we have to say good-bye.

"And God shall wipe all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." Revelation 21:4

Where would we be without this hope?

Place for a Chair

Dean had his Christmas today when they finally delivered his lift chair. Long before Thanksgiving, when the home health nurse first suggested we try to get him one, she said not to get excited because we might not get one till Christmas.

I didn't believe that it would ever take that long. Especially after the medical supply store said they could deliver one the same day, just as soon as they got the proper documentation for it. Little did I know, the emphasis that was placed on the word "proper".

After preparing the place in the living room for the chair, I've been playing phone tag with the medical supply store and his doctor's office for several weeks now. Towards the end, I HAD to be the mediator. I don't think they were on speaking terms from the sounds of agitation in their voices. But we finally got the "proper" coding for his chair approved by Medicare, and Dean got his best Christmas present just two days late. It was well worth the wait. It's a nice chair.

Many of us are looking for Christ's Second Coming with the same excitement as we had for the chair. The wait is hard, and many are losing hope that it will ever come. But, God is using us as His mediators, and soon everything in the universe will be "proper" and the long-looked-for event will take place. We had better have a place prepared for it in our hearts, just like I had a place prepared in my living room.

Snow in the Morning

My life has slowed down considerably, as far as outside-the-home activities, since Dean's recent weight, sleep, and drug issues. To compound our isolated status, a blizzard is in the forecast for tonight. Everyone is making their final trips to the store, gearing up for the snow we've all been waiting for and dreading at the same time. The beauty of seeing new snow on the ground in the morning will make staying home worth it for awhile at least.

I look forward to another beautiful sight too. Seeing my loved ones on Resurrection Morning. Today, half out of boredom, I moved a bookcase from the living room into my bedroom. On it were pictures and mementos of my dear, departed parents. The caregiving for them was also marked with boredom and isolation--that time in their hospital room.

I'm tired of being isolated from loved ones, but especially from my Jesus. That will be the sweetest sight of all on Resurrection Morning. Jesus coming in the clouds to bring us all home with Him. And what a glorious, heavenly home that will be.

Minnie at her watchdog post--foot of my bed! She's such good company too!

Our Shelter in the Storm

Today has been one of the most gorgeously warm days of fall. Sunshiny, in the 70s. Just couldn't ask for better weather. It's difficult to believe that forecasters are warning us of a cold front moving in tonight, making the temperature switch digits around entirely, from a high of 73 to a high of 37 tomorrow. It will come about with high winds and thunderstorms this evening, even threatening power outages in some areas.

Having just finished a sweet, afternoon nap, I hear the wind picking up outside. So the forecasters knew what they were talking about. Our beautiful sunshine is even gone.

I'm sure this is how end time events will hit us. Suddenly and severe. But the Bible is our forecaster, and more than that, God is our Shelter in the Storm. He has promised to be with us to the end. And that's a promise that's sweeter than any nap. Let the winds blow!

Wasting the Day

A little while ago Dean asked me to walk with him to deliver a child's Bible story magazine from church to a little girl who lives across the street. He's been giving her one almost every week for over a year now. Her grandma says she looks forward to Dean and the stories every weekend.

It was the first time I had stepped outside all day, except for our short drive to the library, and as we stopped and sat in our front yard swing for awhile on the way back, I couldn't help but lament that I hadn't spent more time outdoors today. I had really wasted some beautiful fall weather. Who knows how many days this nice are left till winter.

And who knows how many days we have left before Jesus comes. Have I done all I could in the Master's service today? Or have I wasted valuable time just thinking of and taking care of myself? Lord, help me not waste another day, another moment of life, by not declaring your love strongly to all who will hear. The time is perfect for sharing the Word. It is just something we have to do, and it should be as enjoyable as sitting on the front yard swing.

The Dentist

Last week I accompanied my daughter to the dentist's office for a checkup for my two granddaughters. It was a very kid-friendly dentist, so both girls, just 2 and 4, were allowed to sit in small dentist chairs in the same room, just a few feet from each other, with a TV screen to occupy their minds. I'm sure this was to help reduce the anxiety and fear that small children feel at the dentist.

When it was found that Jenna, the oldest, would require some follow-up work, I overheard the dentist telling her momma not to overburden her with the details of the procedures, even though he explained to my daughter just what would transpire on their next visit. The dentist himself would fill her in on just what was going to happen when they arrived for their next appointment. Once again the fear and anxiety factor was taken into account, even in how information was given to these pint-sized patients.

Our heavenly Father is just as mindful of our potential fears about what will happen at the end of time. As these troublesome events approach, He admonishes us to press together, just as sheep in a flock will do when a predator is near. And He is careful to give us just enough information through the prophets as we need to make it through the hard times. We, as children ourselves, would be much too fearful if we knew all the details too soon. But He will tell us just what we need to know, when we need to know it. I'm glad we live in a people-friendly world. God, like a kid-friendly dentist, will do all He can for His children.

A Hiccup

Don't ever let your husband break his foot on top of having dementia. Ever since Dean's fracture last year and then his cracked ribs this year, he has asked me to wait on him like he was still injured. He constantly expects me to be at his beck and call, mostly delivering food for him non-stop from the time he gets up till he goes to bed at night. Many times I just refuse and tell him to get it himself. Which often leads to a stream of profanity. I don't mind. I just go on with what I'm doing and pretend the volcano didn't blow. A minute later, he's back to his sunshiny self.

I don't know why I'm pouring all this out tonight. It's been my life for over ten years now, and I know there are lots of women out there who have experienced much worse.

I'm just so anxious to see Dean when we get to heaven. Both of us, in our glorified bodies and minds, will think all of this was like having a hiccup, compared to the joys that await us for an eternity. Maranatha. Come, Lord Jesus.

Wardrobe Changes

There's one good thing about seasonal weather changes, and that's the wardrobe changes that it requires. At least in my part of the country--the good ol' Midwest. I especially love switching to the warm weather clothes in the spring because it means no more winter for awhile. But the changes for cooler weather are almost as welcome.

I've recently called my long jeans into service again. And the exciting part is how loose they fit around my middle. Summer is usually my time for dropping a few pounds, but this summer I have really made an effort to slim down and get fit. www.myfitnesspal.com has been a big help in providing an excellent online food and exercise diary. Check it out and see for yourself. It's a free account.

Another fitness tool to check out is called your Bible. It will help you be fit for heaven, a much worthier goal. And you guessed it, it's free. Don't wait for the weather to change though. Just like we see signs of winter approaching, we see signs of Christ's Coming already here. But it's not too late to start getting fit. Let your Bible be your guidebook for better spiritual health.

The Clueless

Last night at a little after ten o'clock our son-in-law called and asked if we were alright. He was watching the local news on television and it showed the apartment complex at the end of our block with fire trucks and a "haz-mat" team onsite and the entire apartment evacuated outside.

I felt pretty clueless, because we hadn't heard sirens or any kind of alarm, and the action was taking place almost right across the street. How could we be unaware of something that significant almost on our doorstep?

It reminded me of the closeness of Jesus' Second Coming. Will I be totally clueless when that event takes place? Or will I be on my toes and watching for reports, ready to evacuate when needed? Only by reading my Bible and daily talking with God will I be able to hear the sirens on that day. Lord, don't let me be one of the clueless again.

News story about apartment emergency 

The Party

There wasn't going to be a birthday party for my just-turned-two granddaughter today. At least nothing was planned beyond an immediate family thing. But then one set of grandparents wanted to come "visit", meaning two uncles and an aunt with them. Plus their close friends, another couple with two small children, said they were going to stop by. So this set of grandparents, Dean and I, was invited to join. And next thing you know my daughter had to rush out and get some pizzas to go with the cake and ice cream.

It ended up being a totally unplanned, spontaneous party--the best kind. Why is that the best kind? Because planning and preparation often ends up being too much work for someone. And parties are meant to be fun, not work.

Of course, when it's being done for someone you love, it isn't considered work. That's why the longest planned, most prepared party in the universe (when Jesus takes us home to heaven at His Second Coming) will not involve any "work".

All the preparation for that event will be done out of love and it will be the best party of all.

Wiggling Out

I'm beginning to experience blog withdrawals--two nights in a row I've missed posting on this blog. But they have been busy nights. Friday night we were at a friend's house for a little Christian fellowship and last night I babysat again for my daughter so she could have her "date night" out with my son-in-law.

This time babysitting, I faced a real dilemma. Instead of just Julia, the two-year-old falling asleep in my lap, Jenna, the almost-four-year-old, fell asleep there too. I thought I was going to have to sit frozen under this "iceberg" of heavy toddlers until the mommy/daddy couple returned. But just before they walked in the door, I had managed to wiggle out from under the sleeping masses, leaving them still asleep in two bulky heaps. One in the chair and the other on the floor.

This reminded me of all the times when I thought I'd never manage to wiggle out of a difficulty, only to find that when I got the courage to wiggle a little, the Lord helped unload those burdens gracefully and almost effortlessly. God sees our struggles, but most importantly we have to see that He's nearby. And He'll be walking through the door to rescue us fully, much sooner than we expect.

Automatic Deposit

Social Security checks should be in tonight at midnight. I love automatic deposit. Especially when it's to MY checking account. I feel like a rags-to-riches story character. Just a backwards Cinderella. At midnight, I change from a dirt-poor housemaid to a ravishing princess. Only difference to a fairy tale ending is I'm only going to live happily for about half a month, till I start looking forward to the next deposit to my treasure chest. None of that "happily ever after" business in this family yet.

But someday the clock will strike the right hour and the real King of all Kings, not just a prince, will appear in the clouds of heaven. He will come to take all His faithful and loyal subjects home with Him. I pray to be in that crowd who meet Him with open arms and say "Lo, this is our God, we have waited for him, and he will save us." Isaiah 25:9

It's gonna' happen someday soon. You can bank on it.

Change, For Better or Worse

I would like to write about a theme tonight that covers alot of the heart burdens I'm carrying around lately. That theme would be change. The changes that life brings that require no major decisions on our part, but the ones that are just handed to us without any preparation, training, or choice. The changes we're not sure we are capable of surviving.

Here are my current thoughts about change. My brother's family is seeking change in their job and financial situation. My sister's family is resisting change in their job and financial situation. The former wants life to get better; the latter wants to hold onto life as it is, so it doesn't get worse. Many other families can identify with these concerns about change.

Then there's the change with my husband's dementia. I'm not seeking it, of course. But I also know it's useless to resist it. My only concern is how to survive it. It's beginning to impact some major areas of our life.

The only thing that allows me to deal with these changes is how gracefully Dean is taking them. I know the Lord has to take major credit for that. Dean has always been a man of prayer. I compare him to David, who was said to have been a man after God's own heart, despite his tendency to fall away from Him at times. Dean has grown very close to God since his tractor accident, which gives me the most peace that any changes in the future will be God-ordained.

This also brings me to the conclusion that change isn't the real issue. It's how we relate to the change by constantly trusting God with the outcome. May His will be done. And after all, in the end the only change that will really matter is the one that will happen in the twinkling of an eye at the grand resurrection at Jesus' Second Coming. I Corinthians 15:51-52 Now there's a change I'm looking forward to.

Share a Jesus "Cookie"

Why, oh why, did I try to do all my errands in one day? They just seemed to fall out of the sky from nowhere. After all week hibernating pretty close to home, today I was barely home long enough to grab a banana for lunch.

I was particularly intrigued with all the grocery shoppers getting in their pre-snowstorm purchases before the storm hits tomorrow. This was more than the normal Friday-before-the-weekend rush. People were waiting in line so long that one of the employees came around passing out cookies to shoppers and apologizing for the long wait. Most everyone took a cookie with a smile. It did seem to sweeten up the atmosphere.

That employee reminded me of the duty of every Christian. Our Christian duty is to share a Jesus "cookie" with those waiting for the big event of His Second Coming. There were so many people packed in that store today, waiting in the checkout lines, but it only took the effort of one employee to lighten up the mood of almost everyone there. We Christians may be small in number, but our influence, when sweetened by the lovely Lord Jesus, can make all the difference to a dying world.

Funerals--the Beginning and End of It

I went to a funeral this afternoon of a good friend and teacher, Joanne Perrault. This was one of those sudden, surprise endings of a life, well-lived. She leaves behind a vast army of little ones she has taught over the years. I can't think of a time when I didn't see a smile on her face. She truly loved all her "cherubs", as she called them, who were in her charge. She certainly brought out the angelic side of those children with her peaceful, loving ways.

Funerals bring to our attention the fact that life has its beginning but also has an end. And yet for those who love God supremely, the end is really a beginning too. Joanne's next conscious moment will be of meeting her Savior at His return to this planet and beginning eternal life with Him and all her cherubs.

Sad as funerals are, I think I'll keep attending them. For the simple reason that God is there, dispensing comfort and love to all who don't refuse it. After my parents' deaths a year ago now, it seems that I've been attending alot of funerals. I think God knows I need them. Who has enough comfort?

The New Forever

Tonight my husband and I are celebrating New Year's Eve at home with rootbeer floats and an old Henry Fonda, Barbara Stanwyck movie called "The Lady Eve." The title seemed to fit the occasion.

I'm not sure how all my loved ones are spending the evening, but I know there are two of my siblings who are having a great time together in North Carolina. The best part of any holiday celebration is not what you do, but who you spend it with. I so wish I could be down there with them to bring in the New Year.

Someday we will be with our loved ones at the greatest celebration of all. We will not only bring in a New Year, but a new forever. At Christmas we honor the First Coming of Jesus, but we can't keep our focus there. The Second Coming is what we are to look forward to. A New Year is nice, but I'm ready to begin a new eternity.

Maranatha, Come Quickly, Jesus!

This day, one year ago, was bittersweet for me in so many ways, but I try to think of the sweetness of it only. My father got out of the hospital, which he was getting tired of after almost a month. He hated hospitals and doctors, so nothing was sweeter to him than to enter his house once more. His little dog was there to greet him, and he had two daughters to wait on him hand and foot. We fixed his favorite foods for supper, and got him settled in bed. He was so overjoyed to be there and, snuggled up with his little dog for the night.

It turned out to be his last night at home though. That night he went to sleep in Jesus. It was the end he would have wanted. He was ready to leave this world, as it had truly lost all luster after losing our mother just three months earlier. Their passing has left a big hole in our lives, but the things they taught us and the memories we still cherish are able to somewhat fill the gap. The children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren live on to remind us that their lives did have meaning.

We look forward to the Resurrection Morning when all who love and follow Jesus will be raised to meet Him in the sky at His Second Coming. I have no doubt that my parents are both "resting in peace" and we will have a grand family reunion someday. Maranatha, come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Bixby, the Guide Dog

At church dinner today we had the pleasure of having a guide dog in attendance at our table. Bixby, a new addition to his master's life, is fast becoming a hit with church members, young and old. There is a rule, however, that he can't be petted unless his "guide harness" is off. It's his signal that he is "off duty".

Certainly this harness concept must relate to our Christian walk. We must constantly be "in harness" and "on duty" for God's service, as we guide others to an understanding of God's love. But will God ever allow the harness to be removed and the petting to begin?

I believe He's making provisions for that time even now. Somewhere in heaven there are "petting" mansions being built, where God's people will be pampered supremely when Jesus comes again. (John 14:1-3) And I'm sure there are angels who are eagerly waiting for the chance to get to know the human race on a more personal, up-close level...just like our desire to pet and make friends with Bixby.