Moms in My Life

Today being Mother's Day, I am overcome with emotions from several different fronts. I'm missing my own mother, appreciating my daughter's motherhood of two special granddaughters, recognizing the enormous sacrifice and love of all the women I have known in our family and church circle.

But taking it down to a personal level, as a caregiver, I'm reminded that motherhood doesn't end when a child is grown. We all require a little mothering as we get older. Just a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. Not all moms are as good at that as others, but it's something we need to keep practicing, especially when our  grown children no longer need our physical intervention as much as our emotional and moral support. (And conversely, we mothers need it too. That's why sisterhood was invented.)

Even Dean, who seems to be requiring more and more assistance with the tasks of life, is still in just as much need for someone who understands and appreciates him and his quirky ways, as he is with needing someone to help put his socks on.

As I contemplate our changing family roles, I am tending to embrace my role as caregiver/mother more on a day like today, Mother's Day. I can more easily find reason to celebrate my role, however it transforms itself with Dean over the next few years. I'm ready to be whatever he needs, because it continues to strengthen my relationship with him and with God. And what else is there?

my sister, mother, and I in 2005 (trip to Florida)

My Burden Lifter

My only sister, who I love dearly and haven't seen for almost three years, just spent ten days with me. It was such a morale booster to have her here. Even though I was in the same house, caregiving for the same man, it just didn't seem as daunting a task while she was here. And it wasn't because she took over my housekeeping or caregiving. She helped, yes, but I probably ended up doing the same amount of work. It was only her presence that somehow made the work seem lighter.

In the same vein, Jesus has promised to make our burdens lighter by just welcoming His presence into our lives. We still have the same cares of life to worry about, but they seem more bearable, because Jesus is there to share them. I should be as happy about Jesus visiting this household as I was to have my sister for awhile.

It was difficult to say good-bye to her at the airport. But the nice part about God's visit is that He never leaves. And He's the Visitor you don't want to let go. Just like my sister.

Sister's Visit

I'm really getting excited about seeing my sister next week. She's coming here for a week and it will be the first time we've been together since our parents died in 2010. I am all aflutter, making shopping lists, grocery lists, menu lists, to-do lists. "Why all the frantic preparation?" I asked myself this morning. And here's the reasons I came up with:

• My SISTER's coming to visit!!! I'm excited about it because she's my SISTER! (Would be doing the same for you, Brother, by the way.) When you feel a close attachment to someone, you want everything to be just right.
• But, it's more than just wanting everything right for how it will reflect on me. I want the visit to be pleasing to HER. I'll sleep on the floor, if I have to. I want her to be comfortable here, so we can visit, visit, visit. (We usually stay up all night at least once or twice--like kids at a slumber party.)
• I'm rather fond of preparing for her visit. It makes it almost seem like she's here already. One year my sister made the mistake of surprising my parents with a visit. But they were disappointed that they didn't know beforehand that she was coming, because half the pleasure was getting ready for her to come.
• And the last reason I'm planning is because of my caregiver status. Dean is one facet of my life that is hard to plan on. When it comes to Dean, we'll just have to wing it most of the time. But I can have some things in place to ensure a smooth visit. Such as making sure he gets plenty of time to visit with her privately too. Making sure larger family gatherings are kept to a minimum. And making sure we have the foods available that he loves, for distraction purposes. And most important--making sure he doesn't forget his medications!

 All of this preparation also reminded me of the preparations Jesus is making for us to visit, or rather make a permanent stay with Him, in heaven. He said in John 14, "I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself."

I hope Jesus is having as much fun as I'm having this week. Linda, it will be so nice to be with you again. Personal visits are so much nicer than phone conversations. And I'm sure Jesus feels the same about our relationship. Think how different it will be to see Him face-to-face, and not just converse through the "prayer-phone line". "Come, Lord Jesus, come!"

My brother and sister--I'll take a visit with them any time!!!

Passwords

The past few days I've had the pleasure of having our oldest granddaughter stay with us. She and Grandpa get along somewhat better than the youngest one, who's three, right now. They don't butt heads quite as much, and I'll let you come to your own conclusions on that one.

Nevertheless, having a five-year-old around this week brought out my old schoolteacher vibes, and I was anxious to test her reading powers. Their weekly library visits seem to be making them quite the literary types already. But I was curious about whether the oldest was ready for any sight words.

My sister, a substitute teacher, told me about an idea for sight words that seemed quite effective. A teacher put their sight words on the doorpost of the classroom and each student had to say them as they came in the room.

So we tried that method here at home and had some surprising results. The words we chose were put on the bathroom and kitchen doors, and all family members had to remember to say them before entering these rooms. Lorraine and I both thought Grandpa would need to be reminded the most to say the "passwords" because he's so forgetful; but we were amazed that he almost always remembered to say them. And not only that, he reminded us to say them more than we had to remind him!

This activity reminded me of a similar one that the children of Israel were instructed to perform during the Passover. They were told to put blood on the doorposts of their homes, as a reminder of the blood that was sacrificed for them to be freed from the bonds of slavery. The "password" for them was special indeed, and we are still told to be mindful of Christ's blood that was shed for us, which frees us from sin.

What a teaching tool that must have been for the Israelites, and still is for every follower of God today. It should be on the mind of every Christian as they participate in the Communion Service, instituted by Jesus at the Last Supper.

We all need a reminder now and then.

Reputations

Dean's sister Lynn and brother-in-law John came for a visit today. They live in another state and we seldom get to see each other. His family was having a big family reunion in town, but we had our own little one right here in our cozy living room this morning--a much better place for Dean to be able to reconnect with his only sis.

Lynn helped me identify and mark some of their family photos, a task I hadn't even asked Dean to tackle. It surprised me how his sister could get stories out of him that I hadn't heard before though. As it often happens with dementia, his long-term memory is still pretty intact. I had hesitated to have him help me on his own simply because I know how frustrated he gets with such activities.

There was one relative she was telling us about who I was really interested in--perhaps because of my own breathing and oxygen problems. Dean's grandpa on his father's side was reportedly not a good provider. First of all, this was during the Great Depression. But he was nevertheless considered a good-for-nothing, and forced his grandmother to work and support their children. She later divorced him and continued to provide for her four children on her own. Then Lynn told me that he had asthma.

I instantly thought of my own great grandpa, who had asthma and an almost identical story of not working, leaving my great grandmother to support their eight children during the Depression. He was thought to be pretty worthless by the family, even to this day too.

Having experienced shortness of breath and several episodes of calling 911, I can relate to the debilitating effects of asthma, or any pulmonary problem. Keep in mind that there was no medical support of any kind back then for lung patients--no nebulizers, medicines, or inhalers. I doubt there was even portable oxygen for home use. Both of our grandfathers died at an early age, and from the sound of their stories may have suffered from mental depression as well.

This brought home to me how one's reputation can suffer unjustly and how important our understanding of disabilities is. My hope is that people now will become familiar enough with dementia, and all the other "invisible" disabilities out there, and that the memories we leave will be seen in a kinder light.

And of course, the greatest legacy of all is the life that reflects the Father's love. After all, God has a reputation to guard as well.

Dean and Lynn

 

Super-caregiver Sister

There's only one kind of stress that equals that of a caregiver that I can think of, and that's the stress of an educator. Especially a teacher in the middle grades. My sister-in-law falls in this category, but she also has the distinction of being a caregiver. I don't see how she copes with all life is handing her right now. Throw in almost an hour commute each way to school and you can see why I look up to her as a super-caregiver. She and my brother both have enormous family and job responsibilities, and I know it can only be by the grace of God that they can make it through each day.

The reason they are on my mind particularly this evening is that today my sister was hurt at school, trying to break up a fight among some students. She's not seriously injured, but will have to wear a half-cast on her left arm till the tendons heal. She was bruised up enough to be sent to the hospital for evaluation. How tedious it will be for her to type and do many of her teaching tasks after this mishap. We're just thankful she wasn't hurt more seriously.

Whenever any of us feel that our life is spinning out of control, it is often only our faith that keeps us going. This is the main theme of my blog. I want people to know that when we are in the middle of trying times, God is there with us. Sometimes it's even easier to see Him then than when things are going smoothly. We seem to lose sight of Him in the good times. But God is everywhere.

And that's why I will never run out of material for this blog. Look for Him in your life. He is always as close as you will have Him.

Blogpost #265

This is my 265th blogpost, so just one hundred more to go for my goal of a year's worth, per my sister's suggestion. Writing this blog has been a great faith builder for me. And even a stress reducer. It is relaxing to sit back in the evening and meditate on what has happened during the day and how I can use that event to make me think about God and the part He plays in my life.

I hope as you read these posts, it has inspired you to look for God in even the simplest happenings of your day. God uses our environment to communicate so much to us, if we will just pause, listen, and learn.

The Bible plays a part in this too. I would not be able to make the connection of my physical life to my spiritual one were it not for the many Bible stories and lessons I've enjoyed over the years. So, I would encourage both Bible study and meditation/prayer as a means of really incorporating God into your everyday life.

This isn't my Bible, by the way, but someone sure has the right idea!