Driving Me Crazy

My days are a blur of late. But one bright beam has entered. I won't have to do as much driving every day, as other arrangements have been made for transporting my granddaughter here for me to babysit.

I love my husband (the one with dementia) and I love my granddaughter (the "real" child), but it's very hard to tell them apart when they're both in a car. I can stand one repetitive singer (the one in the carseat), but their duets are something else.

I try not to discourage their performances though, because at least it distracts my backseat driver, who sits in the front seat, from his constant and often dangerous driving instructions. (If I went every time he said the way was clear, for instance, I would have died a thousand deaths by now.)

Isn't that typical of our lives though? The hardest part about getting to heaven is all the driving it takes. This is what wears us out so much. I'm so glad that our God has offered to do the driving for us. But when I have to be at the wheel, I'm glad He's teaching me not to listen to bad driving advice from others. There's a time to listen and a time to tune out. God will show us the times.

Like Children

The other day as I was transporting my daughter and granddaughters somewhere, we noticed little three-year-old Mae singing in the back seat. She was repeating her song over and over. My daughter commented that she was like her grandpa. (Dean, as I've indicated earlier, is a master song-repeater, of the "broken record" variety, getting stuck on the same song for days and weeks.)

I corrected her in saying that she wasn't copying Grandpa, but Grandpa was the one who was copying his granddaughter, and we both got a chuckle. Yes, repetitious singing is normal for a three-year-old, but it wasn't normal...well, you know the rest. There's nothing "normal" about dementia, as those who've lived with it can attest. Keeping your sense of humor is one of the ways you can help keep your sanity though.

I have found it humorous that one of Dean's latest songs he's been humming and singing is "Rock-a-bye Baby". Usually his songs are ones he's heard lately, so I couldn't understand how this one got into his brain. It was so different from the hymns he usually gets attached to.

After talking about Grandpa copying Julia though, it dawned on me that he may have heard the girls singing "Rock-a-bye Baby" to their dolls, or maybe he started singing it with them as they were trying to rock their doll-babies to sleep. So, this would confirm the copying-his-granddaughter theory.

Jesus told us to be as little children, loving and trusting. Dean is reminding us of that every day.

Dean holding one of his granddaughters a few years back.

Dean's Prayer-Song

One way that I know Dean has worsened dementia, due to his brain injury, is that he now has a harder time with repeating the same song over and over. He did that a lot the first few years after his accident, but now it is one of the "symptoms" that has come back to haunt us.

I say haunt us, because although my voice is not solo quality either, I've at least been able to muster a decent enough sound to sing in choirs. I'm not sure Dean would fit in a choir. Let's just say he's able to make a joyful noise with a congregation. I'm sure his hearing deficit is mostly to blame though, because he does have a rich, low voice that I mostly love. (He did remind me the other day that he sang in a choir once. I'm thinking--high school academy, maybe?)

In any event, the song he seems to be stuck on recently is called "An Evening Prayer". It's a beautiful song. When I was "complaining" about his humming it all the time recently though--after humming my own different songs all day, in a futile effort to get him to change his tune--he told me that it's not just a song to him. It's really his prayer. When he said that, I gave up, and just let him have "his prayer-song".

An Evening Prayer

If I have wounded any soul today,
If I have caused one foot to go astray,
If I have walked in my own willful way,
Dear Lord, forgive!

If I have uttered idle words or vain,
If I have turned aside from want or pain,
Lest I myself shall suffer through the strain,
Dear Lord, forgive!

If I have been perverse or hard, or cold,
If I have longed for shelter in Thy fold,
When Thou hast given me some fort to hold,
Dear Lord, forgive!

Forgive the sins I have confessed to Thee;
Forgive the secret sins I do not see;
O guide me, love me and my keeper be,
Dear Lord, Amen.

 

"Wolverton Mountain"

Dean seems to be doing more repetitive singing these days. He gets stuck on one song and sings it night and day. And with much gusto, I might add.

I was getting pretty tired of one song on his repertoire of late. It's called "Wolverton Mountain", an old country song that some of you might remember was popular several decades ago. It's about a beautiful, young girl who lived on Wolverton Mountain, secure from all suitors by an overprotective father. Dean has taken the liberty of substituting the father's name for MY father's name, and so it dawned on me that I was the "pretty, young girl". Instead of being annoyed and irritable about hearing the same song over and over, I began listening to it with more interested ears. It was nice to be the object of his affectionate singing.

Then I realized that God must enjoy our songs about Him too, no matter how frequently and in-eloquently performed. So, when Dean changes his singing to one of his hymns, I can understand God's enjoyment, and allow Him the same "I am loved" feeling I have when Dean sings about me.

If God loves Dean's singing, then who am I to not enjoy it too. Sing on, ol' man!

Julia's Lord

I have to share something about my granddaughter, Julia, age 2. She loves to sing, but there's one song that is evidently irritating to her ears. Every time we all start singing "Kum ba yah, my Lord, Kum ba yah", Julia protests vocally with "no, MY Lord". So her mother, my daughter, has wisely learned to accommodate her two-year-old request and correctly sing the next line "Kum ba yah, Julia's Lord, Kum ba yah." Only then will the determined girl join our singing.

If there's one thing that we want our children to remain possessive about, it's their Lord. Only when God is "all ours" can we share Him with others. Whenever I sing that song or any hymn about my Savior, I'm going to think of putting the emphasis on the "my" and then God and I will share a smile, thinking about a cute little girl, insisting on the right words to the song.

I let her pick this tomato from my garden. 

This was several hours later...I don't think it ever made it to the salad bowl. It's hers!!!

Joy in the Morning

I went to the doctor about my swollen, bruised foot today, and sure enough it has not been healing very well. Besides that, the doctor was concerned that where I'm experiencing pain isn't where they are seeing a fracture on the X-ray. So he sent me for a CT-scan and tomorrow I will see a foot specialist. Besides he wants me to stop taking Ibuprofen and try Tylenol instead. All in all, it was a depressing day. And I am not looking forward to the night.

Psalms 30:5 says, "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." How true that is. The birds must know it. Since we've been having spring weather, I've been hearing birds singing very early, at the crack of dawn really. I too look forward to morning. Somehow things just look brighter in the sunshine.

Then there's the resurrection morning. Nothing will compare to the joy on that great morning. There's an event where all Creation will be singing! I want to be part of the chorus, don't you?

A Bigger Program

Big event today was seeing my oldest granddaughter in her first Christmas program. It was a simple affair; the little ones just got up, held a candle "light", and sang a couple of familiar Christmas carols. But Jenna, three years old, did her part so well. She just looked out at the audience bravely and sang her heart out.

We adults forget the courage it takes to be out in front of others like that, whether it be a play, singing in a choir, or any activity that others are watching your every move.

As human beings on this planet, where sin has been allowed to run its course, we are on a stage of sorts. Angelic beings throughout the universe are watching to see how we deal with temptation and how we manage to remain close to the Father, with so many opposing forces against us. Let's be brave and sing out praises to God with all our heart. God and the universe are watching.