A Way of Escape

A few years back one of Dean's annoying behaviors was his taking that little sticker that comes on fruit and putting it on the toaster, microwave, or other place around the kitchen when I wasn't looking. By the time I noticed where it was, it usually required scraping to get the offending sticker off. I repeatedly asked him not to do it, but to no avail.

Then one day it hit me that all I had to do was remove and trash the stickers myself, while I was unloading groceries and putting them away. It was so simple. For years, I have been practicing changing Dean's environment, rather than changing Dean himself. This is one of the first lessons for family members of people with brain injury or dementia, but I had failed to apply it in this simplest of problems.

Lately, another problem has presented itself. Dean loves to feed the dog at the table, dropping her choice bits of the food off his own plate. She has put on a few pounds now and I know it's not good for her teeth, but I just can't convince him not to do it. Then I got smart and lately I've been putting the dog in a bedroom by herself while Dean's eating at the table. That will cut down on most of his "sharing" at least.

Both of these examples illustrate good strategies for resisting temptation of any kind. Removing yourself from the temptation or removing the temptation from you would work in most cases, but we fail to think of it in time. That's where prayer comes in. Ask God how to extricate yourself from the tempting situation. He says He will provide a way of escape. And that's exactly how it's done. Simple stuff and effective. But often we go years without thinking of a way to practice it.

Focus on the Volunteers

For three days this week there is a Center for People in Need in our community that dispenses holiday food and goods to needy families. I went there today to see what kind of holiday cheer they could offer two old, disabled seniors on a pencil-thin budget. Fiscal difficulties are definitely one of the major problems reported by caregivers. This one included.

The first thing you notice, as you drive into the parking lot, is how many hundreds of low-income people are looking for something special to offer their families this Thanksgiving and Christmas. The parking spaces were filling up fast, and the place was overflowing with vehicles. Then, the lines of people inside and the waiting required because of the streams of people pouring in convinced me that there are more low-income people than I had realized in our town.

I didn't just notice the people there getting things though. There were also many smiling volunteers, who were valiantly and tirelessly distributing the items. I tried to focus on them, because it's so easy to become judgmental when you are sitting there "people-watching" in a place like that.

I was tempted to think that some of the "needies" there certainly didn't appear to be lacking in material goods. Take that young mother with the expensive looking cell phone, whose child was in an obviously top-of-the-line stroller. But you know, she may have downgraded from her internet connection at home and is reduced to the cell-phone kind only now. And I've seen nice strollers at garage sales too, so I suppose I can overlook that expenditure too. Personally knowing a young mother who fits this description exactly helped me overcome my temporary lapse into judgmentalism.

From now on, I'll definitely focus on the volunteers instead. ;-)

God's Zip Code

The other day when the nurse came over to dress Dean's wounds from his little fall in the driveway, as a part of her examination she asked him what day it was. Then what his zip code was (I assume to check for a possible head injury when he fell).

He quickly gave a zip code that I vaguely remember as the one we had in Idaho, and told him so. So he gave one that I was sure was when we lived in Iowa. I barely remembered either one of them myself and was surprised that he did. The nurse gave him another chance and he slyly looked over at some mail sitting on a table by his chair.

The nurse and I exchanged glances, smiled, and she made some notes. I thought he should have at least gotten credit for thinking to check the envelope for the zip code. He may not always know the answer, but he still knows the right place to find it.

Often I need answers for problems in my life. I pray that I will first remember where I've been, and then look in the right place for the answer. There's a letter from God in several places in my house. Bibles are everywhere. I have no excuse for not knowing God's "zip code".

Fix My Jeans, Please!

I was peacefully on my laptop yesterday when I heard Dean come in the front door from his adult day program. I knew the van that transports him was due anytime. As usual, he was scolding our little, yappy dog at the door, but I heard him say the words "Leave me alone, Minnie, I'm hurting."

I rushed out to the living room to see what had happened and saw him with a paper towel rapidly getting soaked with blood from his finger. Of course, he had fallen somewhere outside between the van and the house--just the short length of our driveway.

Dean's attention wasn't on his hand though. He pointed to his knee, and I was afraid of what injury might lie there too. But he informed me that his concern was for his torn jeans! There was indeed a couple-inch rip in the knee of his Levis. Peering through the hole I could see some blood from a scrape on his knee perhaps, but it didn't seem to be bleeding profusely like his finger.

He wasn't going to allow me access to these wounds, I could tell, so I went to the phone and called his home health agency and they sent his nurse over. Fortunately, it was his regular nurse and she set about getting his two injuries cleaned and bandaged. She had him "all better" within an hour, sitting comfortably in his recliner (fully dressed, without his jeans on, if you can picture that).

Shouldn't we all insist on waiting for the "Real Nurse" to come on the scene when we have an accident in our life? God is on call 24 hours, just like our home health agency. The trial or problem may still be plaguing you, but you and those around you will feel "all better" about the situation after a prayer call and His always rapid response.

Was surprised he didn't ask the nurse to mend his jeans too!

Small Fixes

My computer was not performing for me the last couple of days, and I was experiencing some strong withdrawals from it. My son-in-law pinpointed the problem for me this evening though, and I was so relieved that it was such an easy fix.

About six years ago I remember the first night they set me up with oxygen equipment in my home. It felt like a death sentence to be tethered to a machine for the rest of my life. I truly thought I would be homebound forever and was really in a panic as to how I would occupy my hours on my own tiny turf.

Fortunately, the daytime oxygen usage became minimal, so I have had much more independence than I was anticipating. That, however, is being renegotiated with the increased dementia my husband has been experiencing the last couple of years. I've been spending much more time at home with him.

My most wonderful outlet has been my computer. I use it for so many things during the day. I thank God that even if I were totally bedridden, I would have access to the outside via my laptop.

I have so many worries, but having my laptop working again will make it all bearable. Thank you, God, for the small fixes. Even they can have earthshaking benefits.

Pulling Out Drawers

Have you ever pulled a drawer out too far and spilled all the contents? My granddaughter did that very thing today. I didn't chide her for it. Heaven knows, I've done it myself a few times. But I did encourage her to put the things back in the drawer and put it back the way it was.

Thinking about the incident, I was reminded how many times I've grabbed hold of a problem and pulled at it with all my might. All too often, I'm left with a mess at my feet and lots of work to get things back to normal.

But there's still something positive gained from the experience. In putting things "back in the drawer" I am put in touch with what was "IN the drawer." Benefits include something found that was lost, things are more organized when I am done, and I am just forced to slow down and take stock of the situation and what resources I have to help with the problem.

So, although "pulling out drawers" isn't recommended in every situation, when it does happen, take advantage of the event and grow from it.