The Ultimate Snow Day

Everyone looks forward to a "snow day" now and then when schools and jobs implore you to stay home and be safe from the frigid weather. We had one again this week, and I must say it was a welcome but brief reprieve from our daily routine. As we tend to linger in bed a bit longer in the morning, we have mental images of lounging by a warm fire and sipping on hot chocolate all day.

However, I found myself rescheduling appointments and finding out when the next meeting that was cancelled might reconvene. And most annoying was that the same caregiving tasks needed to be done, leaving me little time to even make that hot chocolate, let alone sip on it.

I'm sure even schoolchildren were disappointed to discover that their school assignments were not overlooked that day, but squeezed tightly into their already heavy schedules.

This has left me with a new appreciation of heaven. When the Lord declares a "snow day" up there (and I have a hunch it might be about every seventh day--Isaiah 66:23), we will truly have a rest and a reprieve from all the normal, but pleasant, duties that await us in our new home. Praise to God for designing and declaring the ultimate "snow day".

Sweet Respite

Yesterday was an unusual day. No Dean--he was at his day structure program. No babysitting for granddaughter. No pressing blogposts to write or phone calls to make. My housekeeping was up to snuff--no laundry or dishes to wash. The dog had even had a bath and the bird cage cleaned. And there was no shopping or errands to run.

I ended up taking a leisurely shower, watching a few Andy Griffith shows, and calling an old friend. After that I took a nap. Yes, I took a nap. Felt like I'd been on a short vacation.

I'm on a caregiver respite advisory board for southeast Nebraska, and have been "talking" about respite for months now. But yesterday I actually "felt" respite. This is what we're trying to give caregivers, isn't it?

Time to do nothing is really nice. But in most cases it's just respite to get away from direct caregiving to the care receiver. There is such a mountain of things that caregivers do that it's almost impossible to get away from them entirely.

I'm glad I got to experience true respite even ever-so-briefly yesterday. It reminded me of heaven. God can give us a form of rest while we're here on earth (the weekly Sabbath rest), but only when we get to heaven can we feel true rest from sin and cares of the world that we crave so much. That's why I look forward to the Second Coming and that glorious rest we'll enjoy with Him.

Jesus--our sweetest Respite Provider

Waiting for Answers

It seems impossible that there is nothing much going on with Dean right now to report, but the truth is things are floating along pretty well, with just a few bumps in the road, but no major detours...

Until his chore provider found out she will need doctor's approval to continue his exercise regimen. He's been responding so well to her program, increasing and adding sets right and left, and getting stronger and healthier from it, I'm sure. He just is not capable of exercising without close supervision. He needs a personal trainer, and that's just the role she's been for him. But we have had to halt the exercise until this little piece of red tape gets tied up. Hopefully, not cut.

I'm also wondering about the need for reducing one of his medications again, due to some side effects. This possibility always has me on edge. Will he need something else to replace it? Or will he be able to function alright without it? Will we be able to exist with him without it or something else? Our home will seem like a pharmaceutical laboratory for awhile until these questions are answered.

This state of mental turmoil must be similar to what the angels feel concerning the outcome of our sinful planet. Will enough of us humans ever get our acts together and start responding to the salvation remedy, provided by our Creator God? Will we be able to function, living our lives solely for our Lord and Master? And will we and the angels learn to co-exist in the Kingdom being prepared for us all to enjoy?

Thankfully, God took the initiative in seeing that these questions will have answers. We'll just have to wait and see what the outcome looks like in that glorious Day of our Lord.

The Gift of Hope

Yesterday I went to a great support group for Alzheimer's and dementia. I knew the facilitator of the group and she asked me to talk about caregiving. We did discuss many aspects of caregiving, such as how it has changed over the last generation or two, what some of our common problems are, what feelings all caregivers share, and how to recognize signs of burnout and prevent it.

I was a bit more nervous about presenting to this group of seasoned caregivers. It was quite unlike the group of mixed, women caregivers at the women's retreat last fall. I pressed for more discussion this time, instead of waiting for questions at the end. So they actually carried the show and it went very well. Everyone had something to contribute--ideas and examples that spoke for themselves.

One thing I did notice though was how easy it was to veer off the topic of caregivers and start talking about our care recipients. They just were welded into the equation and you couldn't really separate the two. We exist because of them. The feelings and burdens we have are directly tied in to the persons we care for.

And there's nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, that's what makes family caregivers such good ones. We already have a bond with these individuals, which makes our loads easier to bear.

I'm sure God's sacrifice for us was made easier because of the tremendous love He has for His created beings. There was a close bond between us from the moment He breathed into Adam the breath of life. We should not wonder at the lengths God, the Father, would go through to not only save us, but to care for us from day to day.

Sure, God can't make everything smooth and happy for us all the time now--just as we can't make everything pleasant for the loved ones we care for. But God has made promises for our future--a future so bright, it's beyond our imagination. And isn't that the best gift we can give and have as caregivers? The gift of hope.

Dinner with a Friend

Yesterday turned out to be an amazing day, even though I had my doubts when Dean woke up with a hoarse voice and wisely opted out of going to his twice-a-week adult day program. Couldn't help but sigh, because I had so many errands on my agenda while he was safely tucked away in someone else's care.

His disorientation and mental confusion has improved enough though that I decided to just go ahead with my plans and leave him with DVDs to watch and microwaveable food, and stop in quickly or call him during the times I had to be out. He seems to do just fine for an hour or two on his own.

My most enjoyable "errand" was meeting a lady friend, who offered to take me out to eat somewhere for my birthday. Couldn't remember when I'd last done that. It was incredibly sweet to have some adult conversation with a peer, who wasn't my daughter or sister. It really meant a lot to have that womanly-sharing time.

As many with spouses who have dementia, it's easy to reduce your social life to almost nothing. I tried having people over for dinner after church sometimes in the years since Dean's tractor accident. There were a few years this was possible, but it's become increasingly more stressful since his dementia has increased. So, I have virtually stopped trying, except for occasional suppers with close family members. And I love cooking for others, so it's something I really miss.

I am looking forward to a two-day caregiver retreat this month though. But the retreat that I most look forward to is one out of this world. There we will have the most heavenly social life we can imagine. And the party never ends.

Too Late

I thought I was leaving in plenty of time yesterday to make it to the governor's signing of the proclamation for March being Brain Injury Awareness Month at the Nebraska State Capitol Building. There were forces working against me though.

With last month's snowstorm and the cancellation of the proclamation signings that were scheduled then, there were organizations, causes, and consequently people attending for both months. Therefore, I ended up having to park over three blocks away, but thankfully it was on a residential street, so didn't have to worry about feeding a meter.

After a grueling, long walk in the freezing weather, I was approaching the south entrance of the building and I couldn't remember if it was one that had public access. I had always gone in from another direction. As cold as it was and as short of breath as I was, I was dreading having to walk another block just to go in another door.

The thought struck me when I didn't see many people entering or exiting on this side that maybe I wouldn't be able to get in for security reasons. I wondered wildly if it would be this difficult getting in the Holy City, the New Jerusalem.

We've been told there will only be one narrow gate to that magnificent structure though. And none will enter who God deems unsafe to be there. Heaven must be free from sin. Talk about a security system we can trust. As we trust God, He can trust us. What a beautiful relationship we can have with Him. And how glorious it will be to see Him signing proclamations throughout eternity.

By the way, I was too late for the signing at our state capitol. Quite disappointed. But was there for a board meeting, so the day wasn't lost.

Where the signing took place

takes up a whole city block!

Effortless Work

I should be enjoying the freedom of Dean sleeping so much around here. When I mentioned his recent sleep patterns to another caregiver recently, she even commented that it must be nice not to have him up and around as much [the annoyance factor--she lives with it too].

While it's true that I have less behavior issues to deal with, I still feel pretty tied down to the homestead, because I worry about him when he does wake up and feels so disoriented. I went from being alarmed and then amused by some of his comments when he wakes up. Now I barely pay them any mind, after giving a quietly diplomatic and neutral reply.

His standard questions range from "Where have you been?" to "Where have I been?" Quite frequently he tells me where he's been though. So far he's chopped us enough lumber for a big woodpile in our yard, dug ditches with a crew of young guys (he was doing most of the work, trying to teach them), built a race car that almost beat the land speed record. So, he's a busy man...while he's sleeping. *wink*

Reminds me of the effortless way we'll be able to accomplish tasks when we get to heaven. Like doing them in our sleep. *sigh*

Ready for Travel

This morning Dean woke up with the distinct feeling that he was going somewhere. He insisted on getting totally dressed, which included jeans over his pajama bottoms, two T-shirts, street shoes, and even two hats and eyeglasses. With  a snowstorm approaching today, I was totally alarmed at his determination to venture out on his own.

It was obvious it was one of those vivid dreams he'd been having, so I did all I could to forestall and talk him out of his plans. We had an omelet, I read something for worship and then put on some religious music he requested, all the while trying to reason with him gently about the nature of his longing to leave. By mid-morning, he seemed to settle down and it felt like he was not venturing out, at least for now.

I tried to convince him that getting ready to leave was just as important as leaving. And that we needed to stay together. It wouldn't be right for him to leave without me. Any argument I could think of. But all day he has kept his cowboy hat and two Bibles on the kitchen table, right by the front door.

At least I am comforted by the Bibles that his destination is heavenly and not worldly. Unfortunately, many of us think we're headed in a heavenly direction too, but in actuality we are headed right out for the traps of the world.

Oh, Lord, help me to be ready to follow you in the paths of righteousness, for His name's sake. We all need to be ready, but may our journey be in the right direction, away from Satan's traps.

My Elephant

All I want for Christmas is not to have this cold! (as in the "sick" kind)

So many others have had it though, I shouldn't complain. After all, I've managed to dodge the bullets since last July, so guess it's my turn to cough my way into oblivion and fill the wastebasket by my bed with enough Kleenexes to sink a battleship.

I've seen a television commercial, one of "drug dealing" ones, that illustrated the feeling of having C.O.P.D. with having an elephant sit on your chest. That is such an apt description of what breathing feels like with my deformed chest cavity too, even without a cold.

Fortunately, my lungs are not diseased, but they are wimpy. So when I get a cold, it tends to visit me longer, because I haven't got the lung capacity to cough all that mucus out of there like most people. I don't count the length of my colds in terms of how many days, but how many weeks.

Until my weeks are up, I'll just keep using my nebulizer and hope I only go through one box of tissues. And isn't that all we can expect out of life. Using the tools God gives us for spiritual survival on this doomed planet and pray for the day when our "tissue days" are a thing of the past.

Revelation 21:4 says "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

Spinning Tires

As always, with the first, fresh snow on our streets, I joined the many cars today who found themselves spinning their tires and not getting enough traction to make it out into the intersection after stopping. At least not with the first try. One is forced to rock back and forth, going from drive to reverse, turning the front tires different directions, in embarrassing attempts to grab onto something that allows you to move forward with the traffic.

That's kind of how my whole week has felt. The challenges of Dean's medicines, their side effects versus their benefits, getting his lift chair approved, searching the internet, playing phone tag with doctors, nurses, the pharmacist, the medical supply store, and not really getting anywhere. I feel like I just can't get any traction and get myself out of this slippery slide of caregiving.

But thankfully, tonight is the beginning of the Sabbath. A whole day designed to help me get some traction and move on with my life with a renewed sense of purpose and gratitude. When the Sabbath is done, I'll feel a sense of relief once again. Just like it felt when I finally got into the intersection today and started moving toward my destination. And it especially feels good when your destination is heaven.

Snow in the Morning

My life has slowed down considerably, as far as outside-the-home activities, since Dean's recent weight, sleep, and drug issues. To compound our isolated status, a blizzard is in the forecast for tonight. Everyone is making their final trips to the store, gearing up for the snow we've all been waiting for and dreading at the same time. The beauty of seeing new snow on the ground in the morning will make staying home worth it for awhile at least.

I look forward to another beautiful sight too. Seeing my loved ones on Resurrection Morning. Today, half out of boredom, I moved a bookcase from the living room into my bedroom. On it were pictures and mementos of my dear, departed parents. The caregiving for them was also marked with boredom and isolation--that time in their hospital room.

I'm tired of being isolated from loved ones, but especially from my Jesus. That will be the sweetest sight of all on Resurrection Morning. Jesus coming in the clouds to bring us all home with Him. And what a glorious, heavenly home that will be.

Minnie at her watchdog post--foot of my bed! She's such good company too!

Kisses

This has been a super busy day for me. Rushing around getting ready for Dean's birthday party tomorrow afternoon. He was at his adult day program and that allowed me to get much more done. Keep in mind that with my shortness of breath, it takes me twice as long to do half as much. So I am just now winding down as the Sabbath hours begin.

One of the things I did today was bake some macaroon cookies, which have always been Dean's favorite. I saw a recipe in a magazine that had little Hershey's kisses in the center of them and it looked much easier than my own recipe, so thought I'd give them a try.

Dean was ravenously hungry when he came home, so I gave him a few of the coconut cookies that didn't look the best. Later, I was disappointed to find the little trash can by his recliner full of coconut that he had spit out. He said he couldn't chew them. Oh, great, I make coconut cookies and now discover that he can't chew coconut with his eight remaining teeth. I guess he can just enjoy the Hershey's kisses that were left over. At least they will melt in his mouth. But it just won't be the same.

God created a beautiful world for His children, including me. How disappointed He must have been when Adam and Eve had to leave the Garden because of sin. There is still a glorious creation of natural beauty to enjoy. But it just isn't the same. Sabbath is a great reminder of our Paradise lost and our Paradise regained. For now, we'll settle for a kiss from God, but later on we'll get the "whole cookie".

They really are tasty, if you like coconut!

Hearing the Ocean

Every other Wednesday night, I get a bit of respite from caregiving. I so enjoy doing a storytime for the youngest ones at our church youth night (called Pathfinders, by some of you). These littlest ones have their own name, Lil' Lambs, and their own matching T-shirts too. I just read them a book before the meeting starts to give the adult leaders a few more minutes to prepare for the official activities.

Last night the book I read was about the ocean and besides all the little seashells I had to show them, I borrowed a big conch shell from a friend, after noticing it laying on her front porch. They all got to take turns trying to listen to the sound of the ocean in the shell.

One little boy was quite surprised when I told him I had borrowed the shell from his grandparents' porch. He didn't seem to remember that it was there, even though I have seen it every time I go to their house.

What goodies am I missing when I study my Bible? I'm sure I overlook treasures that are just laying there, ready for me to discover. Wait...is that the sound of heaven I hear coming from that verse?

Here are the shells I had them pick up from a beach towel, spread out on the floor, er beach.
 Some of them were trying to hear the ocean, even from these smaller shells!

Winners AND Losers

I can't wait for the news coverage of the election tonight. I really enjoy the suspense of the outcome. We are definitely focused on the winner in this presidential contest. What is really sad to think about though is that someone will be a loser. You only have a 50-50% chance, especially with an election this close. And what will that be like for the one who doesn't win the election? After all the effort and money that goes into a campaign, it must be excruciatingly disappointing when the other side wins.

As a caregiver, I have grown accustomed to feeling the losses of someone who has lost a great deal of normalcy in his life. People with disabilities of any kind can easily fall into the category of loser, without someone by their side assisting and encouraging them to keep trying.

Our main purpose as Christians should also be to reach out to people who are losing out on eternal life. Because there is no greater loss than missing out on heaven. Introducing people to the greatest campaign manager of all time, Jesus Christ, is not that difficult a task. He will take over their life, just like real campaign managers do, and success is guaranteed. None of us have to be losers of heaven. We elect, or choose, to be.

A Hiccup

Don't ever let your husband break his foot on top of having dementia. Ever since Dean's fracture last year and then his cracked ribs this year, he has asked me to wait on him like he was still injured. He constantly expects me to be at his beck and call, mostly delivering food for him non-stop from the time he gets up till he goes to bed at night. Many times I just refuse and tell him to get it himself. Which often leads to a stream of profanity. I don't mind. I just go on with what I'm doing and pretend the volcano didn't blow. A minute later, he's back to his sunshiny self.

I don't know why I'm pouring all this out tonight. It's been my life for over ten years now, and I know there are lots of women out there who have experienced much worse.

I'm just so anxious to see Dean when we get to heaven. Both of us, in our glorified bodies and minds, will think all of this was like having a hiccup, compared to the joys that await us for an eternity. Maranatha. Come, Lord Jesus.

Fitness Goals

I just finished my daily online food diary, and I was alerted to the fact that I have not consumed enough calories for the day. Sounds like something to rejoice in, but it also stated that I was likely not getting enough nutrients and that my body could go into starvation mode by changing my metabolism, which would make it harder to lose weight. Oops. Will have to think of a good nutritious bedtime snack to get me back on track with my fitness goals.

I really hope I'm getting enough nutrients with the SPIRITUAL calories I consume each day. One could really fall short in this area. How easy to skip my breakfast of Bible study, then barely touch anyone with my witnessing, and finally to give a condensed, rehearsed, lifeless prayer as my evening meal. I'm starving myself, when God offers a full buffet of nutritious dishes for me each day. Look at what it cost for us to have God's Word, printed in our language, in all our homes. And how many people God gives me contact with every day to witness to. Finally, the Holy Spirit is available to translate my prayers into eloquent petitions. They only have to come from the heart.

I'm missing out on God's full blessings, and it may prevent me from getting fit...fit for heaven.

"It's Mine"

What a blast I had in the grocery store today! It was a store that had those small-size carts that little ones can push; so each of my granddaughters ended up pushing her own grocery cart. Fortunately it wasn't a very populated store because little Julia (2) was not very adept at steering or maneuvering her cart and her mom and I have some sore ankles to prove it.

But the funniest part was when we pulled our carts up to the checkout and Julia saw us unloading our food onto the counter to get the items scanned. She started putting up such a fuss as we put her items on the belt. She grabbed the veggie hot dogs from her cart and wouldn't let go of them for love or money and was quite vocal with her objections, which included a little "not happy" foot dance. "It's mine. It's mine," she firmly announced.

The only solution seemed to get the dogs scanned quickly, so we could hand them right back to the about-to-lose-it toddler. Fortunately, the clerk was quick about it and handed it right back to her, but we still had to figure out how to extricate the "hot dogs" from her possession and convince her to leave the cart by the door.

Her mom, who seems to be an expert at handling these episodes, had it all figured out. She got out a big, refrigerated water bottle from the grocery bags and handed it to her while we tenderly explained that Grandma was bringing the dogs home for Grandpa's supper. With sister's example of leaving her cart by the door, she seemed to cut her losses and go with the offered substitute water bottle. Besides, the water bottle was so big, she needed both arms and all her strength to hang on to her new possession and lug it to the car.

How many times do I behave like a selfish toddler? I feel like all I have belongs to me, when in actuality, God owns it all, and everything I have is just on loan from our Creator God. Yet God, like a patient parent, shows me the "Substitute" for my selfish ways. I just have to hold onto "It" with both arms and with all my strength and lug "It" all the way to heaven.

Worth the Work

I froze some tomatoes and green peppers from the garden today. It will be so nice to have them later on in soups and chili. They taste so much better than the store-bought ones. Even with all the hard to work to prepare the soil, do the planting, weeding, watering, and prep for the freezer, they are worth it.

It's like that with many of our life's accomplishments though. The more work you put into a project, the sweeter and more profitable it turns out to be. And looking at my own life, the harder I struggle and the more difficult my lot appears to be, I can still rely on a reward in heaven that God has promised when I trust and love Him. All my struggles will be worth it on that great resurrection morning.

ripening up just fine, despite the heat wave outside

(like me, ripening up for heaven)

Spring in Heaven

I wouldn't have thought that my nephew from Florida, where they enjoy greenery and tropical trees all year round, would be so excited about a simple vegetable garden here in Nebraska. After his first winter back up North, he has really been thrilled to work with the soil and witness the growth of tiny seeds and plants that he labored so hard to get started.

I think the seasonal changes we experience here make us appreciate the growth and colors of plants so much more. The harshness of winter weather only enhances the spring fever that captivates so many of us. Our salad with dinner tonight tasted so much better with the radishes that we grew ourselves in our very own yard.

Gardening seems to make us feel closer to God, because without His sunshine and rain, nothing would grow. We are partners with Him in a sense. But another reason I think people in general get so much more excited about gardens here in the North is that it follows a long period of cold, unpleasant weather and nature all around us wakes up and becomes green with life again.

It will be the same feeling when we get to heaven. We'll enjoy it all the more because of the hardships endured here on earth during our lifetimes. It will be like entering the most beautiful springtime, multiplied by infinity. I can't wait to wake up in the springtime of heaven and warm up to His love firsthand.

Paper Trails

The most dreaded thing on my to-do list, besides cleaning the toilet and scrubbing floors, is to fill out applications. Every time I fill out one, whether print or online, I hope and pray it is my last one. But of course, it never is. Yesterday I got one that needs to be filled out by next month, and today I got one that needs to be filled out by tomorrow. They just never stop coming. I feel like one endless paper trail. Why couldn't my information just be on one granddaddy database, so everyone could see all about me in one fell swoop whenever they needed to?

But then what would happen to our privacy if that were the case? Would I really want everyone to know all about me any time they wanted? Of course not. At least in this evil, unpredictable world we live in now, it would be disastrously unsafe for a database like that to exist. It may get to that before this earth's history is over, but for now I guess I'll just suffer through the inconvenience and keep trying to write neatly, stay in all the lines, and sign in all the right places.

One great thing to look forward to in heaven...no applications. We'll have a character trail, instead of a paper trail.