Close Buddies

As I look over the past week, the past few days actually, I've noticed an improvement in the "dream" area. Dean hasn't been living his dreams, like he was there for awhile. It's been nice not to have to worry about him waking up, ready to act out whatever he was dreaming about. I like it when he knows who I am in the morning.

It may have been the last medicine we stopped entirely. It was only a pill we split in half, but it must have made some kind of difference. He also went to Easterday (his adult day program) on both of his scheduled days last week. Much to my enjoyment.

He's still taking quite long naps, like five or six hours, as opposed to eight or nine. And occasionally getting up in the middle of the night and not going back to sleep for several hours. A problem I've had myself recently. Maybe it's the weather.

One thing I have to share that just happened early this morning. Out of the blue, it seemed in his sleep as we both lay in bed (I was lying there awake, trying to go back to sleep myself), Dean said a very brief and heartfelt prayer to God. It was so sweet and I just felt God's presence in the room. Usually his prayers of late have been very long, slurred, and repetitive. But this one was just as clear as a bell.

What a blessing it is to have the Holy Spirit convey our prayers to God. He does all the translating for us, even when we are at a total loss for words. I do believe it will be easier for me to trust Dean to God's care today. I know they are still close buddies.

Dean's new lift recliner (it seems to do more reclining than lifting these days)

Effortless Work

I should be enjoying the freedom of Dean sleeping so much around here. When I mentioned his recent sleep patterns to another caregiver recently, she even commented that it must be nice not to have him up and around as much [the annoyance factor--she lives with it too].

While it's true that I have less behavior issues to deal with, I still feel pretty tied down to the homestead, because I worry about him when he does wake up and feels so disoriented. I went from being alarmed and then amused by some of his comments when he wakes up. Now I barely pay them any mind, after giving a quietly diplomatic and neutral reply.

His standard questions range from "Where have you been?" to "Where have I been?" Quite frequently he tells me where he's been though. So far he's chopped us enough lumber for a big woodpile in our yard, dug ditches with a crew of young guys (he was doing most of the work, trying to teach them), built a race car that almost beat the land speed record. So, he's a busy man...while he's sleeping. *wink*

Reminds me of the effortless way we'll be able to accomplish tasks when we get to heaven. Like doing them in our sleep. *sigh*

Dreaming Big

I know it's time I was letting my readers know how Dean is doing. To be honest, there's not much to report. He eats, he sleeps, he eats, he sleeps. Much like a newborn, I suppose. Nothing eventful I can sink my teeth into.

I could give details about some of the vivid dreams he's been having though. He can't seem to shake them when he wakes up. They are so real to him. They even affect his mood throughout the day I've noticed. One day he was very tired all day, because he'd been doing hard labor with a crew. He still says there's a pile of lumber in our backyard for evidence. Then one day he was very depressed. This dream involved a race car driver who was killed, and Dean felt responsible for it. Today, he's been a bit on the grumpy side, and I'm sure it has something to do with whatever he dreamed last night.

Dementia has so many different sides to it. The first year they said it was dementia, there was more memory loss, then falling a lot, this year seems to be the year of dreams and sleep disturbances. What next? Something tells me it will involve wandering. Not looking forward to that one.

Is this not how all of us tend to fall away from God? We forget how much He loves and provides for us, we start falling into sin, we sleep through sermons and dream big dreams for ourselves, and finally we wander away completely from God's side. A very telling story indeed.

Ready for Travel

This morning Dean woke up with the distinct feeling that he was going somewhere. He insisted on getting totally dressed, which included jeans over his pajama bottoms, two T-shirts, street shoes, and even two hats and eyeglasses. With  a snowstorm approaching today, I was totally alarmed at his determination to venture out on his own.

It was obvious it was one of those vivid dreams he'd been having, so I did all I could to forestall and talk him out of his plans. We had an omelet, I read something for worship and then put on some religious music he requested, all the while trying to reason with him gently about the nature of his longing to leave. By mid-morning, he seemed to settle down and it felt like he was not venturing out, at least for now.

I tried to convince him that getting ready to leave was just as important as leaving. And that we needed to stay together. It wouldn't be right for him to leave without me. Any argument I could think of. But all day he has kept his cowboy hat and two Bibles on the kitchen table, right by the front door.

At least I am comforted by the Bibles that his destination is heavenly and not worldly. Unfortunately, many of us think we're headed in a heavenly direction too, but in actuality we are headed right out for the traps of the world.

Oh, Lord, help me to be ready to follow you in the paths of righteousness, for His name's sake. We all need to be ready, but may our journey be in the right direction, away from Satan's traps.

No Respite Needed

Life has slowed down immensely in our household. Dean is requiring more of my presence, which has meant more time at home for both of us.

I've often wondered about other caregivers who seem to be glued to their loved ones and can't seem to relinquish them to the care of others so they can have some respite, needed time for themselves to rejuvenate away from home. But now I am coming to see how this protectiveness could easily happen, especially where dementia is involved.

It feels similar to when a child has recurrent nightmares. As a parent, you feel most qualified to calm the child's fears and make them feel safe again. As Dean's caregiver, I feel the same kind of urgency to be that person he looks to, as he faces some of the altered thoughts and vivid dreams he has experienced lately.

I'm sure my heavenly Father is just as protective of me. He is always standing by, ready to calm my fears, help me feel oriented, stable, and secure. Thank you, Jesus, for always being on the watch. For loving me and keeping me safe. No respite needed for God, our faithful and devoted Caregiver.

Minnie, our faithful and devoted dog, helps keep watch

In Our Dreams

Last night I was too tired to blog after babysitting late for the grandgirls, but I just have to report what happened this morning when I got up and walked into the kitchen. Dean was sitting there at the kitchen table reading his library book, but here was the kicker: he was fully dressed in his jeans, shirt, street shoes, and cap!

This may not sound newsworthy, but it is the first time I have seen him dressed completely without assistance for about a year now. When I asked how this amazing feat happened, he said that I had told him to wake up about an hour before and get dressed for his day program. (Obviously, one of his dreams that are too real, at least in his mind. He's had them now and then over the years since his brain injury.)

When I asked how he was able to get dressed all by himself, he just said it was HARD! And he added he was mad at me the whole time he was accomplishing it.

Not unlike the way I feel about God sometimes for making me do things I don't think I can do by myself. When pressed, I suppose all of us can do things we never thought we could do on our own. God is never far away though. Just like I was right there sleeping in the same house, all the while Dean was struggling to get dressed.

And now he's asking me to fix his breakfast. I wish I could tell him in a dream to do it himself. Hmmm...

Sweet Dreams

Yesterday afternoon Dean was asking me repeatedly for something sweet to eat. I had nothing in the house for his sweet tooth, but was almost glad I didn't, because the other day we found a bag of Tootsie Roll pops hidden in his closet and he proceeded to finish them off in a couple of days.

I did remember and gave him a "stashed" Hershey candy bar that our daughter gave to me last time I babysat for them though. Was keeping it for one of his emergency "gotta-have-it" meltdowns. It seemed to satisfy him, at least for a couple of hours.

Then Dean pops his head in the door of my room while I was writing my blog in the evening and offers me a big glazed donut. Evidently while he was taking out the garbage, our neighbor came out and gave him a box of six bakery donuts. So I assumed that Dean would have one and so would I.

Later I went out to the kitchen and all but one of the donuts were gone from the box! I was a bit awestruck that he wasn't reeling from a stomachache or about to pass out from so much sugar in his bloodstream, but he seemed to be handling the sugar onslaught quite well, on top of all his medications.

So I just smiled and said the good Lord must have heard his prayer for something sweet to eat. Then Dean gave me a big smile too, as he ambled back to bed for some very sweet dreams, I am sure.