A Plan

I'm getting excited thinking about getting a bathroom makeover. Thanks to Dean's Medicaid waiver we qualify for more accessible facilities. Our current bathtub requires a 20-inch leg lift from the floor just to step into it. The shower chair and grab bars just aren't enough these days for safe bathing.

Plus they are going to give us a wider door and entryway for the bathroom that will accommodate a wheelchair should one be necessary at some point in the future. This may sound like an expensive project, but it really beats the cost of a nursing home; so I'm sure it will save in the long run, even if it only means one of us can stay home one or two months longer than we would without it.

Taking care of our needs both now and in the future reminds me of how God takes care of us. He looks out for us in the here and now, which is where we stay focused most of the time. But He also has our care mapped out for us in the future. I'm trying very hard to trust in His time schedule, because I know there's no way I could improve on it. God's clockwork is impeccable. The longer I live, the clearer it is to me that God is as powerful and omniscient as we've been told.

What Time Did You Say?

Every night I review in my mind what needs to be done the next day. Last night I started to panic because I couldn't think of many things that needed done. Had I forgotten something major? Usually I was swamped. Would I get bored and start pacing the house all day if I ran out of things to do? Could I stay off my social media and internet with that much time on my hands before my eyes started to burn?

I had very few dishes in the sink or clothes in the hamper. About all I could think of was to shower, vacuum, and change the bottom of the bird cage. After a couple of phone calls, I was free the rest of the day. Dean was at his adult day program and so I had most of the morning to myself.

Then I remembered a committee meeting that afternoon for the Respite Network. I had written in 3 p.m. for it on my personal calender. So I left for the meeting in time, not thinking for a minute that all the other monthly meetings had been at 1:30 to 3:00.

Needless to say, no one was there when I arrived. I couldn't understand why, and even asked a secretary there to see where the meeting was held, even then thinking I must have the location wrong. But when she said that the meeting was at 1:30, I felt like such a dunce. How glad I was that the meeting had let out on time. I would have felt pretty silly walking in at the time they were finishing up.

The lesson for me in all this was that it isn't just when I'm swamped with things to do that mistakes can be made. I am capable of making them even when things are relatively calm and easy. I have to let God have control always. Not just when things are crazy and I'm all frazzled. I need Him during the relaxed times of my life as well.

Next time I have time on my hands, I'm giving it to God. My schedule is His, from beginning to end.

Our Puzzling Lives

The last few days I've been working on a 750-pc. puzzle on my kitchen table and I must say I forgot how therapeutic it can be to work on such a project. Life has slowed down a lot since Dean's been sleeping so much, and we've been staying home more. So I came across this puzzle when I was cleaning a closet last week, and today I finished it. Or as Dean says, WE finished it. I gave him the last piece to put in.

As I worked on the puzzle, several thoughts came to mind. First of all, our lives are like a puzzle. Two qualities that make puzzle solving possible are patience and perseverance, also necessary for solving life's problems. As I worked on the puzzle, I also noticed how necessary it was to look at things from all angles and perspectives.

Sometimes a piece looks like it will fit, but it doesn't, and you just can't force it in the spot it wasn't designed for. We can try to fit ourselves into spots that God's will hasn't ordained for us, and the picture we end up with is marred, just like my puzzle would be if I tried to fit in pieces that were wrong.

When I was done, I felt like congratulating myself on a such a fine piece of art, even though I wasn't the artist. And likewise God, the Master Artist and Creator, deserves all the praise when our lives end up attractive in any way. But you know, if we lose a piece or two from the puzzle, people will still be able to make out the picture. We shouldn't worry over lost opportunities or mistakes in life. They just happen. God can still use us to reveal His perfect will in the end.

Dean, with his brain injury from the accident, has pieces missing from his brain, but that won't affect his final picture on Resurrection Morning at the Second Coming. I know I'll be able to recognize fully the whole picture of Dean. He's been an interesting puzzle to work with these 37 years we've been married. And God has taught me a lot of lessons along the way.

Called The Blessing of Summer, by Thomas Kincaide

"Lovegiving"

A friend of mine just lost her elderly father. She and her husband have been caregivers for her parents for some time now, so I'm feeling a special sadness for them today. It reminds me of what the end of my own caregiving will feel like.

I don't know if grief is any easier after caregiving or not. Perhaps there's still guilt over whether your care was good enough. But then again, there's some comfort in knowing that you were there for them and did the best you could.

Friends and loved ones often refer to caregivers as saints. But we are actually no more saintly than any other Christian. As a matter of fact, the Bible indicates in many places that anyone who calls on the name of Jesus and is sanctified in Him is a saint. (I Corinthians 1:2) ) Caregiving doesn't make one a saint. It allows us to be one. It's the Christian, saintly thing to do.

It's an opportunity to give back the care and love that's been given to us. One might call it "lovegiving".

Remembering the Falls

Looking over the past year, the most prevalent activity in the Thompson household was falling. Dean got the ball rolling the summer of 2011 when he fell on a curb and fractured his foot in three places. A few months later he stubbed and broke his little toe, on the other foot. Then he fell and cracked a rib. Another time he cut his knee up pretty bad, when he tripped and fell. And those were only the falls that produced injuries!

I made my contribution when I fell last spring and fractured my foot. I'll never forget the terrifying feeling of wondering who would take care of BOTH of us. When they showed me the "walking boot" I was to wear, I really shuddered. I had to help Dean put his on for months. There was no way he could return the favor. It was such a relief to find I could do it myself.

The hard part for me was using the walker and not putting pressure on the fractured foot, which translated to hopping everywhere I went. I would be short of breath after each hop. It was slow going, and miserable for my poor lungs, but I survived.

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that, whatever it is, there is a God who will see us through. Just as He has this past year. We will survive all our falls, and God will take care of both of us.

New Year...bring it on!

No Excuse

Dean has been asking several times if we could ride around and look at Christmas lights some evening, which was rather surprising. He's never been too interested in them other years. But tonight I set out to give him his wish. I had heard of an impressive light show at a house on the outskirts of town.

Even before we got to the first McDonald's on our prepared route though, Dean began hinting that a hamburger or a shake would be nice too, which confirmed my suspicions that he may have had another motive for his budding holiday spirit.

We got to the address I was given though, after a few detours, and the cars in front of us began slowing down and finally stopped in front of the light extravaganza. We were just beginning to see what we'd come for, when Dean started informing me that he needed to use the bathroom and we'd better head back home--quick. Remembering his recent bouts with diarrhea, I passed all the stopped vehicles and we barely got to see the light show, as we quickly sped home for his requested "pit stop".

As we almost reached our driveway, Dean, whose memory has been worse than usual lately, wondered why we were coming home so soon. I reminded him that he was needing to use the bathroom, but that we at least got out to the house with all the lights. He then chided me for not telling him the purpose of our ride and that he would have looked longer at the lights while we were out there had he known it was our destination and purpose.

I'm not sure how many emotions I was smothering about then, but I'm sure my hair has several more gray strands after our little outing.

I know God has been forthright to me about my destination and purpose in life too. It's all right there in the Bible. Jesus, the Light of the World, is there for all of us to see. There's really no excuse for not taking a long, unhurried look.

The Last Kiss

Things just aren't working out too well today. I went to start my car this afternoon and evidently the battery is low. Am waiting for my on-call son-in-law mechanic to come by later on and give us a charge. Hope it's nothing major.

Of course, this entire situation is minor compared to a school shooting that happened in an elementary school today in Connecticut. It's all so tragic, losing that many young children all at once. The families involved must be suffering tremendous grief, and most will for a long time.

It helps to put our own lives' problems in perspective and see that they are nothing compared to what some are suffering.

When my caregiving seems more than I can handle, I try to look at it from the perspective of not having anyone to give care to. It gives me the strength to go on, to keep plugging away at our challenges. Those challenges are my purpose for living. I'll not complain, but thank God they are there.

I think a lot of us will give an extra kiss to our loved ones tonight. It could very well be our last.

Food Hide-and-seek

I have become an expert at food hide-and-seek lately. With Thanksgiving last week and Dean's birthday celebration this past weekend, there are sweet treats hidden all over my house. I have to hide them from Dean, and I'm sure he's been hiding them from me so I don't hide them from him.

As a matter of fact, there is a can of mixed nuts in such a good hiding place that neither of us will find them for quite awhile. Dean, because he doesn't remember that he has them, and me, because I can't remember where I put them. They must be in a very secure location. Either that, or Dean has found them and finished them off. Like he did with the box of chocolate-covered cherries the other day.

This impulsivity or lack of self-control is a typical symptom of someone who is brain-injured or has dementia. It has resulted in some weight gain for Dean lately, as you might imagine. I even threatened to send him to a "fat farm" today, when he was complaining about my tight restraints on the food pantry. But probably we'll just end up readjusting his medicines at some point.

Do I complain about God's restraints sometimes too? I'm sure I do. It seems like He's hiding all the good things in my life in very secure locations, and leaving me without any of the luxuries that make life sweet. I must stop complaining and remember that God is doing it all for my best eternal interest. He's a caregiver I can really trust.

Getting Dressed

This morning as I was helping Dean get dressed, I thought of my granddaughters. Especially the two-year-old, who is at the age when she can do most of the dressing, but still needs some help. Just like Dean.

The difference between them is the dialogue that takes place during the process. Julia is always saying, "Me do it, me do it." But Dean says, "You do it, you do it." You get the idea. It's rather humorous when you think about it.

But isn't that how we are when we are young? Striving for independence, wanting to do everything for ourselves. As we get older, we are more likely to recognize our limitations and appreciate help from others.

I hope my spiritual striving follows this logic. The older I get, the more dependent I hope to be on God. After all, didn't God dress Adam and Eve with animal skins after they sinned? And isn't He the one who covers us with His robe of righteousness? When it comes to getting dressed for heaven, we'd better be saying to God, "You do it, you do it." Or we aren't going anywhere.

Her mom reports it took 45 minutes to get this outfit on...you get the picture.

All For a Q-Tip

I was up rather late last night, simply because I had been babysitting for the grandchildren at their house earlier. Suddenly I heard a loud thud and a familiar moan come from the room next to me. I rushed in to see that Dean had once again fallen. This time he was sitting on the floor of his closet, and simply asked me to help him up.

After much effort to get him back in bed, my nephew heard the ruckus and came in to help him get up from the floor. I asked Dean what he was doing out of bed and he said he got up to get a Q-tip. What a price to pay for a Q-tip. But once again there didn't seem to be any injuries to report, so we tried to make light of it and all went back to bed.

How many times we pay enormous prices for the momentary pleasure of something as fleeting as a Q-tip? It makes you want to examine your life for anything that just isn't worth the cost of your salvation. God has a better plan that won't end up with us helpless on the floor, needing others to help us up.

Being a Witness

I visited with a gentleman at Madonna Rehab Hospital today while Dean was in pool therapy. His name is John and several in our church know him. If any of you have been to this hospital, you will notice the walls of the hallways are decorated with pictures and success stories of people with brain injuries of various kinds who have graduated to a normal life "on the outside".

John is another success story who may not grace their walls, but he definitely graces their hallways. He was struck with Guillain-Barre syndrome a few years ago and although his physical recovery has been somewhat stunted and rocky, his spiritual recovery is nothing but miraculous. He permanently resides at Madonna now and is unable to move anything from the neck down, even though his nerves allow him to feel things. He has some movement in his neck and shoulders, I believe, but it is very minimal.

It is such an inspiration to talk with John and hear him share his faith, which he unabashedly does with everyone he meets. As soon as someone asks how he copes with his limitations, he speaks of faith in the Lord as the only thing that has sustained him through it all.

John and I discussed witnessing as essential for our spiritual growth. We talked about the difference of "doing witnessing" and of being a witness. When your activities of daily living are so restricted, he can rejoice in simply being a witness by his life of quiet trust and faith in his heavenly Father. This is the kind of witnessing that we all should desire.

Lord, help me witness, but more important, help me be a witness.

And what a witness you are, John!

Dean's Poolside Humor

A few posts ago I mentioned that Dean's "safe environment" is his recliner, but it's not his "healthiest environment", as we learned at his last doctor visit. So he wrote him a prescription for some aquatic therapy. We started it today at Madonna Rehabilitation Hospital.

Before he got in the water, the therapist who will work with him gave him quite an interview to help assess his skills and establish his goals. As far as goals, Dean could only come up with one and that was to be able to hand-glide someday. She laughed and said that was beyond what they do there, but good try. After some prodding, he finally settled for being able to walk farther without pain.

At the end of the interview, she asked him if he had any questions. He did--"Are you married?" She chuckled again and told him she didn't mean that kind of question.

When they finally got in the water, I tried to read my book by the poolside, but couldn't keep from watching to see how they would do in the water. Dean had a very creative way of counting how many repetitions he was doing. "That's 5, 8, 10." I don't know if he was trying to make her lose count or what, but it didn't work. Evidently, this gal's worked with the brain-injured before. She was counting in her head, and there were no shortcuts available with her counting.

As with God, we can't get Him off track with the countdown to end-time events. God knows the number and our trying to figure out how much time is left must seem pretty silly to our omniscient God. Likewise our goals and questions must seem pretty off base to Him too. Letting Him guide us in all things, now and in the future, just makes good sense.

I can't wait for our next entertaining therapy session.

Worth Saving?

In cleaning out some drawers this week, I came across several scarves and handkerchiefs of my mom's. At risk of eliminating her perfume smell, I decided to wash them on delicate cycle to freshen them up a bit. I haven't any idea how I will ever use them and why I am keeping them, but some things are just hard to part with. Perhaps someday I will be happy I saved them.

Is this how God thinks of the human race? Does He wonder what good we are and if it's worth it to keep us around? Evidently, He just can't part with us. I hope someday He'll be happy He saved us too.

fresh out of the low-heat dryer:

 I think we look better too, when God gets finished with us:

Goals

Excitement of my day was when my daughter shared her weight loss secret with me. We are now part of a community of losers! This website helps you count your calories, chart your exercise, and lets you know when you have reached your goals. She's been doing it for several weeks now with her cell phone and had good success.

It's quite a step up from the simple food diary I've used over the years, which was just a spiral notebook where I listed (manually with a pen, no less) everything I ate that day. That worked some, because I would be able to see what foods I should try to avoid the next day.

But this is so much more sophisticated and revealing that I'm anxious to give it a try and lose some of this middle section weight that is making it harder for me to breathe. So far, all my efforts to lose have been pretty worthless, except for preventing me from putting on further pounds.

I'm sure any weight loss program is more likely to succeed when you have firm and valid reasons for losing. Women used to talk about their dieting in terms of looking better in their summer swimsuits, but I'm hearing more and more people talk about doing it for their health. This is a great reason as well, but I think we must even go further than that. The first approach was vanity, but the second one is still focusing on self.

We do it to be able to take care of those we love and to be available for them for a longer time. But also to be available for God. Illness may still strike us down through no fault of our own and God still uses us, but sometimes God needs to work through a healthy person. Third John 2 says, "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers."

Evidently God has goals for us as well. We need to cooperate with His program.

www.myfitnesspal.com -- go there!

In His Arms

The nurse came today to evaluate Dean after his fall this weekend. She usually comes on Thursday, but I knew she'd want to see him before then, since he has complained of pain in his ribs again. I think it is getting better each day though, so the damage must be minimal. I was glad I wouldn't have to take him to see a doctor. Am not feeling up to much myself with this cold still raging in me.

I was just looking at my old calenders  to see how many colds I have had the past few years. I've been marking them down. The amazing thing was that I never had a cold that interfered with taking care of my parents the year I was caregiving for them. But after both of the funerals were over, I caught three bad colds almost on top of each other.

Now it could possibly be explained that I was operating on adrenalin and it might have boosted my immune system. But I actually did get one or two mild colds that year during times that my care wasn't needed as badly. Once when my sister was here to help.

No, I think it was God putting a protective hand on me. Giving me the strength and health I would need to do intense work that I still can't believe I was able physically to perform. God was very close to our whole family when we needed it. I picture Him carrying us in His arms and leaving only one set of footprints in the sand, as a famous poem depicts.

How close we are when we are in someone's arms. I know He's still walking beside me now and the future holds no fear. He's going to see us through it.

Me and my oxygen in North Carolina in 2011--lots of footprints here!

Under Control

The other day I went to visit someone in a nursing care facility. The gentleman is in his nineties, but has hopes of going back to his own home after enough therapy there. Since I had a little time on my hands after the visit, I thought I would scope out the dementia unit and had someone from admissions give me a tour.

I don't know what prompted me to ask for a tour. Dean, my husband, is still so young. But we don't know how fast his dementia will progress or how long my health will permit me to take care of him. I just pray that Dean won't have to be in a place like that for long, as comfortable and attractive as it was.

In any event, I am just trying to leave it in the Lord's hands. His timetable was so perfect for my parents' end time a couple of years ago. As stressful as the time was for us all, God knew exactly how much care we were capable of giving and exactly how much suffering they were able to endure.

God really is the perfect Caregiver. And He has it all under control.

Pushing Pills

I have come to see how really freeing it has been to have home health nurses visit our house every week. Our regular nurse, who usually fills Dean's pill organizer, wasn't scheduled to come last week and I forgot to ask the other nurse till it was too late. So Sunday morning I was up bright and early, sorting and filling the pill box. It felt odd doing it myself again. I had mixed feelings.

I had some guilt feelings about having the nurse do it in the first place a few months ago. It's not much work really. Plus at first I was worried she would make mistakes. It was hard to turn over the responsibility to someone else. I had so much ownership in it.

I slowly enjoyed not having to "push" the pills into that little box though. And then the feeling suddenly hit me this week that maybe I deserved to be free of the task. After all, I had done it religiously for over ten years. It's about time to turn it over to someone who will get paid for it.

The bath aides who help him shower three times a week have also been a blessing. They not only relieve my mind about him falling in the shower, but I don't have to argue with him about whether to shampoo. They keep track of it in their reports. How many years I have struggled with these issues on my own. It's nice to have reinforcements there to lighten the load even a little.

All I can say is that God knew when the time was right for the nurses to come on the scene. It wouldn't have happened if Dean hadn't fractured his foot last summer. Of all his falls over the years, this was the first one resulting in a fracture. Also, our case manager was temporarily changed, and she was experienced enough to know that we needed help around here, so she arranged for the home health agency to offer care.

All was ripe for this intervention and I have no doubt that God, our primary Case Manager, was overlooking the whole operation. And will continue to do so...

Caregiving for the Caregiver

Being laid up with what I'm assuming is a fractured ankle/foot has given me a whole new appreciation of mobility. Hobbling on one foot wouldn't be so bad for some people, except my circumstances are a little sacrificed to begin with. My scoliosis isn't making this any easier. I'm worried for one thing about pneumonia with my restrictive lungs, since I'm only on my second week with a cold. Plus my back is starting to feel some pain when I use the walker. This is putting alot of stress on a back that had a total spinal fusion 48 years ago.

Dean has been a sweetheart though with all his seeking and fetching activities. He realizes how I waited on him so long after his foot injuries last summer. Well, actually I've made it a point to remind him on occasion; but he knows. Reminding is our middle name around here with his memory problems. I soon learned not to give him a list of things to do for me. He has to get the instructions one at a time. He will come back and forth with his fetching anyway just to ask what else I wanted. So, we're just keeping it simple.

Others are helping out too. There are some things I have to get my in-house nephew to do. Things that would be too much of a challenge for Dean, like lowering Dean's walker to fit my short stature. Plus my daughter and son-in-law have been called in for shopping duties and to get Dean out of the house for a spell. I am really blessed to have my loved ones around.

God didn't intend for his creatures to live alone. He knew all along that we would need each other at each stage of life. But mostly He created us to need Him. The biggest handicap in life for me would be not to realize that plain and simple fact: we NEED Him. But out of love, it's still a choice--to do life on our own or with His help. With His help, I'm given hope that all this is part of a glorious plan. The final outcome is what counts. Even my loving family can't give that priceless commodity. Hope.

Dentist Visit

When does a simple dental exam become more complicated to a caregiver? When you are told that the sore in his mouth, which he's complained about for months, is actually a cyst and will need to have the attention of a pathologist. Home health nurses have been watching that sore, and it has improved. Our family doctor saw it and prescribed some medicine for it a while back. It was even noticed in ER when he first fractured his foot last fall and they prescribed a special mouthwash for it.

I only recall one nurse mention that perhaps he should see his dentist. But I waited until his regular dental exam to have that happen. Now I wish I had listened more closely to that one lone nurse. I feel like a lousy caregiver about now. Why didn't I get him to the dentist sooner?

On a spiritual level, I often hear from others about how to live my faith. There is good advice out there that would guide me in my Christian walk. Whole bookstores are devoted to the subject of religion. But the only safe source of information is from the Bible itself. We have to go to that source first, just as we should have seen the dentist first. To know God is to know His Word. Only He can diagnose your spiritual shortcomings and prescribe the cure.

Creative Caregiving

I've lost track of how many visits we've made to the podiatrist to see how Dean's foot has healed since he fractured it last summer. Today was another visit, but we surprised the doctor with a stubbed little toe that now shows a fracture too. Oh, woe is me, does it ever end?!

Mostly his "treatment" has been protective footwear of some kind that Dean is sporadic in wearing. Today, she recommended a post-op surgical shoe, just to give the toe some support and protection. But insurance wouldn't cover it, so I resorted to Wally-World and found some slippers that will just have to suffice. Being a caregiver has certainly challenged my powers of creativity.

In mapping out our lives, I wonder how many times God has had to adjust our "treatment plans" because we aren't fully complying with His ordained plan, or maybe the needed remedies are not available to us. I really do believe that God is watching diligently over all the details of our life too. First Peter 5:7 says, "Let him have all our worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you." The Living Bible

I'm familiar with alot of caregiver resources in the community, but not one claims it will take on ALL my worries and cares. What a gem of a resource! And it just begs to be shared!