God Knows!

We were just getting settled into our old routines last month after Dean's return from rehab with his broken ankle and our lovely Thanksgiving with family, when things started going downhill for his health.

Several symptoms pointed to a drug interaction, similar to the ones he had last spring--slurred speech, sleeping more, just overall not-himself. We had just started him on a new blood pressure medicine after a doctor visit on Monday, but by Friday our home health nurse agreed that it might be time for an emergency room visit on the weekend sometime, due to his feet swelling and low pulse readings he was also experiencing. We honestly couldn't figure out what was going on.

I waited till Saturday morning, not wanting him to finish his birthday Friday with a trip to the hospital. By that morning he was doing so poorly that I feared even being able to get him safely to the hospital by myself (didn't want another fall on my watch). So I called an ambulance.

With a very low pulse and temperature reading, the hospital staff immediately suspected a sepsis situation and put him on antibiotics with an IV and spent all day running test after test to determine what could possibly be accounting for his condition.

By the end of the day they had him in ICU and still didn't have any clear diagnosis for us on Sunday, besides a possible blood-born infection called sepsis. Knowing it would help to know what kind of infection they might be battling, I finally came up with the idea that it might be related to his dental appointment earlier that month.

At that time, the dentists said his teeth, what few he had left, really needed attention. They pulled one that day and we were told to come back in December for more extractions. They didn't have time for more treatment that day, since we were being seen as an emergency visit.

When I mentioned this possible source of infection to the nurses on Monday, the doctors acted quickly by ordering a mouth/head scan that day. Sure enough, he had two rather large abscesses, no doubt causing most of the problem. The hospital dentist pulled the teeth that night, under light sedation. And he was able to transfer to oral antibiotics the next day.

The drug interaction may have contributed to his condition too, however. After stopping that medicine, he was able to keep his blood pressures normal with just one medicine, instead of two. Fortunately, that has continued since he's been home. Hopefully, we won't have to worry again about what blood pressure medicine to try next.

By Thursday, he was able to leave the hospital, but they were hesitant about sending him home, since he seemed so unsteady on his feet. They thought physical therapy in a rehab facility would allow him to gain more strength and walk better.

I assured them, however, after being with him all day and seeing him walk all around the unit, that he was about as good as it gets, even considering his dementia behaviors. I convinced them that with the home health agency sending therapists over after his broken ankle episode, our house is more fall-proof than it's ever been.

I just knew Dean would progress more quickly at home than he would in a facility, and they finally agreed that he could be sent home safely, with home health nurses and therapists to monitor the situation.

Our most immediate challenge now is to get his lungs healthier if we can. He seems to need oxygen during the day and night now. I am really nervous about this, mostly for the increased chance of him tripping over his tubing, but so far he's stayed upright and hasn't landed on the floor.

As his family caregiver, my knowledge of Dean aided the professionals in his treatment. I'm so thankful that God knows about all of us too. We can trust our care to Him. He knows what to do to get us to our Heavenly home, a place where there's no sickness, and we won't ever fall into sin again. I can't wait to breathe that Heavenly air. It will be my first DEEP breath...well, ever. (Those who know my shortness of breath can appreciate this!)

Still in ICU

Dean finally got to celebrate his 70th birthday at church after his unexpected hospital stay!

Appreciation Day

Holiday dinners here are happening less and less in the last few years, but with each one, I recall with fondness the many times Dean and I had friends over for Sabbath dinner in years past. There was hardly a week that we didn't invite someone over, or were invited out ourselves. Fellowship dinners at church were also special. But not as intimate and friendly as a home setting.

I loved planning and preparing a meal for others. I never knew who or how many Dean would invite to our home. I learned quickly in our marriage to be ready for last-minute invitations, especially for random visitors at church. But my, how times have changed since Dean's brain injury. It has impacted our life in so many ways.

This makes Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with family all the more precious to us both. I so enjoyed getting out the good china this year, planning the seating and dishes to be served, and having our loved ones gather around for a special meal.

This year, our daughter Kayla and I came up with a plan to get everyone to share what they appreciated about each other. She started by going around our circle of family members and telling what she appreciated about each one. Then invited the rest of us to do the same. Most of us did, and it was a touching and thought-provoking activity.

It was Thanksgiving at its best. Because what we should be most thankful for are not things, but people. By focusing on our loved ones and why they are special, we were drawn closer to the God who gave them to us.

Keeping the Best

Our life has been a flurry of home therapists, nurses, case managers, and the latest...a construction crew. Yes, we're having a "walker-friendly" ramp (with graduated steps) built outside our front door this week. Anything to prevent more falls is being considered. Even a toilet riser has been added to our bathroom decor. Trying to keep a particular old man in his place, which is home.

Arranging and keeping doctor appointments is also on the agenda, in addition to keeping his drugs organized and his blood pressure managed. Encouraging him to start wearing his C-pap again (he refused it during his two-month stay at the rehab center, while his broken ankle was mending). This was even more challenging when it was interrupted by a tooth extraction he had a few days ago, when he had to NOT wear the C-pap for a couple of nights.

Last night I bribed him into wearing the C-pap again by promising him homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner the next day. The promise of food never ceases to get his attention. But I groaned when I saw he could only eat soft foods right after his tooth extraction. I thought, "Yeah, right--try enforcing that one."

I was thankful for his new dentist though. When Dean asked to keep the tooth that was pulled, he at first told him "no", but upon seeing Dean's agitation, he changed it to a "yes", instructing his assistant to please wash it and put it in a plastic bag for him. Hallelujah, he prevented World War III!

Yes, it appears Dean's hoarding tendencies now include teeth. Well, at least he only has seven left, and my guess is they will be added to his "collection" in the not-so-far future. No one can accuse him of losing his teeth. He's saving them...in his own way.

Dean reminds me of my own tendencies to demand and set the parameters of my life, when I should be leaving that up to God, who really knows what's best.

I'm also seeing with greater clarity the things in life that are truly worth saving. We all have a little of that hoarding instinct, but I must learn to let go of anything that isn't worth saving. That would include my doubts, worries, and resentment. But faith, hope, and love, I think I'll keep.

Back on the Merry-go-round

My life the last two days has lost its slow and easy pace that characterized the two months Dean was in rehab, with nurses and therapists tending his broken ankle. Suddenly my world revolves totally once again around this "ol' man" of mine named Dean.

And what a whirlwind we're in for, arranging appointments for home health and doctors, checking into home modifications we need for future fall prevention, overseeing pill distribution (I do believe we carry as much on our shelves as a small pharmacy), and just waiting on him hand and foot (the one that's still healing, that is).

It feels like I've just stepped back on the merry-go-round of life and around and around we go. It was indeed nice to step off that contraption for a short time of sweet respite, but it's not all bad getting back in the swirl of things. I actually thrive on activity, so getting back to our usual abnormal life around here and having Dean's happy, grateful face greet me every time we're in the same room is not all bad.

As soon as I heard when he was coming home, I knew I'd better hurry up and edit my own diary from sixteen years ago when Dean was injured by that tractor, and make sure it's available for Kindles on Amazon.com by Caregiver Month this November. This has been my goal all year!

I made my deadline, so look for "Diary of a New Caregiver: I Can't Do This, Lord" on Amazon.com (see the link in my blog here too). Share it with a caregiver you know this month--only 99 cents, just a quick, inspirational read for anyone, I hope. I pray you are as blessed in reading it as I was in writing it.

Without my years of caregiving, I would never have had the opportunity or desire to sharpen my writing skills. So I give God all the credit for this book. He empowered and inspired me to do it from start to finish!

Just live long enough and you'll know the Lord is with you too, no matter what you are facing in life. He's always in control, if you want Him to be. You CAN do it with Him!

Just For Me

As we near the time when Dean may come home from the rehabilitation facility after breaking his ankle last month, I will be forced to say good-bye to the sweet respite I've enjoyed since I've been "home alone" without him since September 2.

I honestly didn't realize how his presence impacted my daily routines until suddenly he was gone. I went for my monthly grocery shopping shortly after his hospital admittance, and from that point on, I knew that my life would hold changes. Not major changes, but many small ones.

In choosing food items from the store shelves, without consideration of his unique eating habits, I began to taste some of the differences my life would enjoy. Literally taste them. I focused on foods I liked, instead of the low-calorie, soft foods he needed. I bought the granola with nuts, for instance. I indulged in more than one vegetarian entree, knowing that he wouldn't devour the whole expensive package in one or two sittings. I didn't have to purchase plenty of juices or cheeses, leaving money for my favorites instead, like frozen waffles or guacamole.

When I came home, I gradually made other changes. Such as removing his personal dishes from the dish rack, where he liked to keep them even after they had dried. Moving his pill organizer off the microwave so mine would be easier to access. I even started sleeping on his side of the bed, because it's by the door and therefore closer to the bathroom.

What a feeling of relief that I didn't have to turn off the light every time I left a room, immediately put my purse and keys where they weren't seen as soon as I came home, change the toilet paper roll as soon as one was empty and then hoping he didn't find where I'd hidden the empty roll. Strategize how to keep his hoarding tendencies under wrap, which included toilet paper rolls, or anything made of plastic, cardboard, glass, or metal. Make sure there was nothing on the floor for him to trip on. And I'm sure I'm leaving out other behaviors and routines that I have been freed from since he's been in rehab!

But it hasn't been all fun and games. I've felt an emptiness with him gone. If I didn't know that our separation was not permanent, it would be much harder to bear. I had a taste of that kind of despair the first week after the accident though, when we didn't know if this rehab would turn into long-term care.

Dementia is so unpredictable, and none of us knew what taking him out of his home environment for so long would do to him. It was very discouraging to think that he may never be coming home again. I'm so thankful that this scenario didn't materialize this time, but am fully aware that it may still be part of our future.

All in all, I'm happy about my little "vacation" here at home, but not when I think of all the pain and suffering Dean's had to endure to make it happen. The pain seems to far outweigh the little benefits I've enjoyed.

It reminds me of the pain Jesus endured to allow me to go to heaven someday. Lord, I'm not worth it! Surely He suffered far more than I deserve. But like a devoted Husband, out of love, Christ would do it all over again. Just for me.

Dean with daughter and granddaughters

Watch That First Step!

So much has happened in the last ten days that my head is still swimming. I'm not sure what the rest of me is doing, but whatever it is, it ain't fun.

Dean fell down some stairs and broke his ankle. No big deal, right? Just take him in to emergency and get him fixed right up.

But wait a minute, that must be somebody else's life, cause it sure isn't going to fly around here! There are so many other issues going on with Dean's health that we are reeling with how complicated his recovery is becoming.

The hospital wanted to let him out in two days, but when they found out he was on Medicare, they kept him for three. After just one night at the rehab center though, he was found very lethargic with his vitals not looking good, so they rushed back to the ER. Let me clarify that a bit, I'm the one who found him non-responsive when I went in to visit the next day.

Turned out he had what they thought was pneumonia, fluid on and around his lungs, so after three more days in the hospital, they finally discharged him to a different rehab center. These last three days in a rehab unit have also had their ups and downs.

I'm trying to stay positive about all this, but unless he starts complying with the doctors and nurses' orders, this recovery is going to take much longer than the six weeks we were told at first. So I'm still feeling very anxious about how this nightmare will end.

Things have slowed down considerably on the caregiving end. I only go to his rehab center once a day for a couple of hours, and then he calls me in the evening. Life in the house alone is very freeing, but then again very lonely. My emotions are all over the map. Upbeat and hopeful one day, but fearful and doubting the next.

I'm so glad God has a handle on all this, because I'm feeling very out of control here. The outcome is totally up to our merciful God. And that thought is what keeps me going.

Smiling--but only on the outside!

Listen to Your Man

One of the troubling parts of caregiving for someone with dementia is that at times they are not very adept at describing their symptoms. Dean's been complaining off and on about his mouth hurting, with a particular tooth as the culprit, for a couple of weeks.

He's also using a C-pap with oxygen at night now, so I attributed some of his mouth complaints to the very dry mouth it can give you. (This dryness is an on-going battle due to some of his meds though too.)

Especially since the pain seemed to come and go, I put off calling the dentist. But finally got him an appointment this week. It turned out to be an abscess and the dentist immediately started a root canal for it, sending us home with an antibiotic prescription to fill. We'll return tomorrow to see how it's doing.

Needless to say, I felt quite irresponsible for not getting him to the dentist sooner. He only has eight lower teeth left. I should have been more observant, listening to and taking his complaints more seriously.

What a wonderful God we have though. He not only listens to our complaints, but He is aware of our needs much better than we are. Like Dean, we often don't know exactly what our problem is, let alone how to express it. But God is the perfect Caregiver--never missing a beat when it comes to giving us appropriate care.

One of my favorite Bible verses, I Peter 5:7: "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."