Dean's anger outbursts, although not different from what they were at home--just brief verbal profanity, followed by remorse and apologies--were not accepted or understood in the upscale assisted living environment he's enjoyed for the last three months.
This was not the fault of anyone; the staff there did their utmost to make it work. This particular setting was just not a good fit for Dean, which none of us could foresee. Dean appears so independent, mobility-wise, that we thought assisted living was worth a try for him. But most of the residents there were elderly women, and they and their families were understandably concerned about this lionly man, who proved capable of some very loud roaring at times.
(Even with the lack of socialization he eventually encountered there, I'm grateful for the three months of quality care this assisted living center provided for Dean during this difficult transition.)
Our search for another living arrangement was made even more challenging due to his being on Medicaid (there are only so many Medicaid beds available). His diabetes, still showing very high blood sugar levels, has made skilled nursing seem all the more appropriate for him.
In addition, I'm sure his anger issues resulted in many places also deciding against his placement, as he would have to be a good fit for a roommate. Medicaid does not pay for a private room.
We eventually found a facility that accepted him though. Unfortunately it's in a neighboring town, thirty miles from our home, which will prove quite a barrier for me to be able to see him as often as I'd like. Especially when winter hits, with Nebraska's notorious driving conditions on the smaller highways.
What was most depressing for Dean and me, however, was the fact that this particular skilled nursing center seems to be the final placement for many of the most severely disabled. I had visited many places in our hometown, so I wasn't expecting anything close to the luxuriant accommodations we were coming from, but nothing prepared me for the run-down conditions I witnessed where he's at now. It's a far cry from the environment Dean just came from.
Often this week my mind's gone to the Bible story of Joseph. Poor Joseph repeatedly fell from riches to rags, the opposite of a "rags to riches" story. First, as Jacob's favorite son, he found himself being dragged as a slave down to Egypt. Then after enjoying years as Potiphar's chief steward, he was sent to a filthy dungeon to suffer for a crime he didn't commit.
Fortunately, there was a happy ending for Joseph. And I'm sure God has a happy ending in mind for Dean and me too. He's preparing mansions for us in heaven. And they will be assisted living at its finest.
Thank you, Jesus, for offering to leave your beautiful surroundings in heaven and come down to this severely disabled planet. Your resurrection proved that our stories always end in riches, when we come to you for placement there.
3 comments:
I'm praying for you - both of you - right now.
Scott
I hope you can find a facility for your hubby that is good for him. Honestly, I am not a fan of nursing homes, like you said for some it's a final place for them. As far as his outbursts, we also experienced that too withg my mom.. that is part of having dementia. Good luck to you both and hope you can find another facility for him.
Comparing and visiting several facilities during our search, I applaud every one of them. For the most part, they strive to provide the best care possible, preserving the dignity of all those who must reside there. I felt no qualms about having Dean in one of them.
Unfortunately, it seems the place where Dean is now, and other ones that are left with the most severely disabled both mentally and physically however, are the ones with the least funds with which to manage, perhaps because this kind of prolonged care costs so much.
But it's obvious that surroundings do count in places like this. (Dean's bed broke down with him in it, the first night he was there. Clear to the floor!) They matter to the staff (often underpaid and overworked), and to the heartbroken families who have to leave their loved ones there. Besides, many of these patients are mentally alert, but over time become very depressed by their shabby surroundings. Nobody deserves anything but the very best care we can give them, right to the very end of their lives. Heaven knows, they suffer enough with their often painful and disheartening conditions.
We must, as a society, do a better job in this area of healthcare. Isn't the idea of triage healthcare to provide for the most needy patients first? Sadly, it seems like we are putting them at the end of the service line, instead of the first.
Thanks for reading this long reply. I'm thinking of sending a "letter to the editor" soon, addressing this problem. It helps to have just experienced it. I wish more were aware of what's going on out there in these long term care facilities. If you are looking for a place to volunteer, please consider one of these needy medical establishments.
Post a Comment