Pills Again

After a quick search, I see that I've already written nine times about Dean's pills since I began this blog. Our life seems to revolve around these little critters, so here's one more story about a "pill scare".

Last Friday night Dean hollered to me from the kitchen that he'd forgotten to take his pills that morning. He could see that pills were still in their morning slot in the weekly pill organizer he uses.

This happens occasionally, and usually it's nothing to worry about. But seconds later, he reports that he didn't take them the night before either! Now that would be something to worry about, so I dropped what I was doing and raced to the kitchen to verify what he was telling me.

We discovered that he was thinking it was the next night, Saturday night, so naturally there were pills in Saturday morning and Friday night that he hadn't taken yet. Whew, what a relief to see that although we had made a mistake in what day it was, it was not a mistake with great consequences, like not taking his pills would have been.

We've all made multiple mistakes during our lifetimes, but our merciful God races to our rescue to help oversee the situation, just as I raced to the kitchen. We can be sure in His capable Caregiver hands, our lives will make sense in eternity, if we've turned our lives over to Him and simply make the call for His help.

Remembering to Be a Husband

I was rather disgruntled when I woke up to find that Dean had forgotten to take his pills. Today was one of the three weekly days that he goes by medical van to an adult day structure, and normally the only thing I do physically to help him get ready is put on his socks.

This morning was one of the few times I was lazy and went back to sleep after putting his socks on, thinking that for once he'd make it out the door on his own alright. But alas, it seems about 90% of the time I don't remind him to take his pills, he forgets. This meant I had to drive all the way to the rec center, a couple of miles away, to give him the pills myself.

Just last night I was marveling though at something Dean always manages to remember. He never neglects to lock the front door of our house at night. I always check, just to make sure, but invariably he gets it done. It must be some manly, protective activity that he has held on to all these years. It's so sweet that he has honed in on that important duty. Well, I guess he does remember to put the trash can out to the curb once a week too. Very seldom does he forget that husbandly chore either.

God appears this way to me sometimes too. When it seems He's forgotten about taking care of me and I'm left in charge of getting it all done, I know in my heart there are some vital protections He still provides, including taking away my sin/trash. Lord, help me accept your never-failing love and mercies, and know that they are of far more value than my mere "busyness" of life.

I've always liked this picture. Is he leaning on me or protecting me? Maybe a bit of both!

"Unplug for a Day" Challenge

This has been the summer of the ice bucket challenge fundraiser for ALS. All month I've seen friends douse themselves with ice water to raise awareness of this neurodegenerative disease that eventually results in total paralysis. The ice water is apparently to remind them of the nerve-shocking effects of ALS. What a successful fundraiser this has been for their organization!

I wonder, what kind of fundraiser would be useful in making others more aware of symptoms of dementia and brain injury? Short term memory loss, in and of itself, doesn't sound too frightening, but I'm sure there must be something that would allow one to experience the life changing event that it is.

Perhaps the activity that would most closely simulate what it's like with dementia would be to "unplug" for a day. No electricity, no technology, for a whole day.

I will attempt to relate this to Dean's present life:

• Without proper lighting, our senses would change...Dean has this challenge with vision in only one eye and with little periphery vision in the other. He falls a lot, just like we might in the dark. His other senses suffer too. Limited hearing in just one ear and having no sense of smell are what he lives with every day.
• No electricity would make our daily tasks more challenging...Dean has difficulty with many chores we take for granted. Taking a shower, for instance, is a major undertaking.
• No technology means no cell phone or computer. For us, this would be very limiting, especially if all our contact info is on our phone...Dean misses every day the enhanced communication and socialization that these gadgets bring into our lives. But not having a cell phone or Blackberry for some might be like having part of their memories erased. Say hello to Dean's world.
• No television or entertainment...Dean's greatest desire is to interact socially with his friends, and this has become more and more difficult as dementia takes over his life. He misses this activity as much as people would miss their television programs.

Yes, Dean misses out on a lot in life: his senses, ability to perform simple tasks, being able to remember what he did just a short time ago, and just interacting normally with others. In a sense, he has become "unplugged".

But God has not left him powerless. Many times angels have kept him from falling. He has a faithful wife caregiver who is able to perform the work he can no longer do, and most of all, he has retained his desire and ability to worship God. Human relationships may have suffered, but his spiritual relationship with God has never been better.

If caregiving for Dean has taught me anything about life, it's the meaning and value of being "plugged" into God.

P.S. Remember to donate to www.biane.org

This Battered Life

A few blogposts ago, I reported my long-due visit to the dentist. Well, this has turned out to be a sinus problem rather than a dental one. I am taking a daily antihistamine and using a sinus rinse quite frequently and the facial pain I have experienced all these months has wondrously disappeared. Being on oxygen for nine years must be very drying on the nasal passages.

But now there's this sore on the bridge of my nose (been there for weeks) and it just keeps getting worse. It couldn't be in a worse place--right where my nasal mask hits. The doctor suggested not using the bi-pap for awhile or changing masks (which I will be able to do this coming week, when Medicare will pay for another type of mask).

But doing without the bi-pap is just not an option for me. I have tried cutting down on its use and napping during the day without it, with just the oxygen feed, and for a couple of hours at night. But it feels like going into a boxing match without gloves or any protection. I wake up feeling pretty battered.

This has reminded me of waking up at the Resurrection when Jesus comes. We won't feel battered then. We'll wake up as refreshed as the day we were born. But even better. For gone will be all our human frailties, our petty health grievances. The Master Physician has a whole new body to give us--one that won't wear out or grow old. No more birth defects (like my scoliosis) or brain injuries from having tractors run over us (like my husband). Now that's one kind of waking up I won't mind a bit!

Babysitting, Old and Young

Two big events this past week added to my already exhausted body. But I wouldn't have missed them for the world.

Vacation Bible School with my two granddaughters was wonderful. Watching them do the motions and singing the celebration songs, learning about how to trust God through the story of Moses, seeing their eyes light up with a new craft each night. These were priceless moments I was privileged to share with them.

Then yesterday was Jenna's big 6-year-old birthday bash. The kids went swimming in their apartment complex pool, enjoyed a bouncy house, and of course, the traditional ice cream and cake. I loved every minute of it. And so did Dean. Although I was beginning to worry about his third helpings on the eats, and how many times we had to refill his soda and chips.

But we made it through the week. I have made up for lost time with more sleep this weekend. Bracing up for another week of babysitting my three charges (I include Dean in the count.)

Babysitting for the young and the old certainly has its challenges, but it has also taught me about the human condition. When I am weak, He makes me strong. Some days I'm weak on patience, but strong on perseverance. Then sometimes I stumble with my physical ailments, but He gives me strength to get through it. I'm constantly reminded of my humanity, but also of my need for divinity to step in. Thank you, God, for getting me through one more week.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." II Corinthians 12:10

Our Father Knows Best

This past week has been a repeat of something that has happened to my car for the last six months to a year. Every month or so I go to the garage to go somewhere and the car won't start. Even my totally expert mechanic son-in-law couldn't solve the mysterious car behavior.

There have been times when after several tries it will start for us. Or it may start as they are backing it out of the driveway for the tow truck to pick up. Once they got it towed all the way to the garage and before they could get their diagnostic equipment to locate the problem, it would start again.

But this week we actually solved the dilemma. It was a leak in the crank sensor. Don't ask me any more than that, but we got it replaced and now I'm hoping our worrisome non-starter has kept me home for the last time.

As my son-in-law related the problem to me, he was also relieved that this refusal to start only happened in my own garage at home. We both felt the hand of God in the situation. I could be tempted to wonder why God was not able to just make the car start when we needed it to. We did pray for it many times to start and it didn't.

This seems to be a pattern for God. He doesn't promise everything will work out as we would like. But that doesn't mean He isn't in our lives working things out as He sees best. We won't know this side of heaven all the times He has intervened for us, keeping our way safe, in ways we hadn't imagined. Surely, our Father knows best!

My dad's '96 Lincoln Town Car

Our Tame Holiday

As with most people, I still look forward to holidays and celebrations of important events. Problem is the older we get, coupled with Dean's dementia issues, our holidays are getting more and more tame.

For the Fourth of July we casually watched the neighbors' fireworks from the safety of several blocks away. This wasn't always necessary before our new next-door neighbors moved in. Even last year we could serenely take in the festivities right from our own front yard swing.

These new younger families are the firecracker-light-'em-yourself type though, so things got really noisy and festive on our street last night. (Besides, I was afraid the air would get too smoke-filled. Being on oxygen, I'm sensitive to that. Learned my lesson with that a few years back.)

Finances what they are and keeping the food diet trimmed down with the healthiest foods we can afford, we didn't exactly splurge on holiday treats either. But I relented and got some vanilla ice cream to go with our frozen strawberries and blueberries, presenting a patriotic red, white, and blue dessert to eat while we watched the colorful displays in the sky.

I can totally relate to soldiers suffering with brain injuries and P.T.S.D. though. They must not have looked forward to hearing the pop-pops all through the night. What terrible memories these fireworks must hold for them. Or anyone who comes from a war-torn country.

Not having had their experiences though, I try to focus on the glorious appearing of Jesus in the clouds someday. That event will make all our attempts to beautify the sky on the Fourth seem like nothing. But there will be people then who will also dread it and others who rejoice that it's finally happening.

"...and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory." Matthew 24:30

Let's all be ready!